Let’s talk about fantasies.
For many African women, the subject of sex still lives in whispers—in hushed conversations with our bestfriends, in memes we laugh at but secretly relate to, in stories we dare not admit excite us.
But we all have that fantasy—the one that creeps in late at night, in the shower, or when you’re daydreaming at work. Maybe you’ve tucked it away, unsure what it means, or maybe you’re just waiting for the right person to try it with.
Contrary to what we’ve been taught, desiring more from your sex life doesn’t make you “too fast,” “spoiled,” or “immoral.” It makes you human. And sensual. And deeply in touch with your body and mind. Fantasies are an indispensable part of human sexuality, and exploring them can unlock deeper intimacy, pleasure, and even personal growth.
So here’s a list of 10 sexual fantasies worth exploring at least once (or more!). Plus, a soft landing at the end to help you approach your desires with ease and confidence.
1. Playing Dress-Up
It may sound mild, but you’d be surprised how many people secretly crave a little costume fun, and even more surprised by how many would say yes if asked. The truth is, dressing up can make everyday sex feel brand new.
Ladies, the possibilities are endless: keep it cheeky with a naughty prison warden and prisoner scenario or channel classic alluring characters (hello, Jessica Rabbit and Betty Boop). You can also turn up the heat by adding wigs—there’s Brenda, Latisha, Linda, Felicia Dawn, LeShaun, Ines and Alicia— heels or those crotchless panties hiding in your top drawer. Dressing up is about transforming into a new and sexier version of yourself, then watching your partner’s jaw drop.
2. Threesomes
Threesomes are one of the most popular fantasies in the world and for good reason. The idea of adding a third person can feel thrilling, exotic, and a little dangerous. It’s not just about more bodies, it’s about extra energy and extra exploration.
But here’s the tea: it’s not just about picking a fine somebody off Instagram and diving in. Threesomes require maturity, clear boundaries, and honest communication. Jealousy, awkwardness, and unspoken expectations can turn a sexy night into an emotional mess. And while we’re at it, please remind that man suggesting a threesome that the third person doesn’t always have to be another woman. The supporting cast can be a fine man too—equal opportunity vibes, baby! If he starts sweating, maybe he wasn’t ready for the fantasy after all.
3. Using Toys
Flying solo? Partnered up? Either way, the right sex toy can turn your good ‘ol sex session into fireworks. Think vibrators, butt plugs, nipple clamps, or even feather ticklers. There’s a whole world of sensation out there.
And yes, stock up on the lube. You’ll thank us later.
4. Role Playing
Time to step into your Nollywood bag. Role Playing is the art of becoming someone else for the night—maybe a sultry stranger at a bar, a nurse (hot) and bothered about her patient, or a seductive house help with a secret.
The difference between Role Playing and Dressing Up is that Role Playing focuses more on the plot than costumes, but It’s not just about acting; It’s about stepping into a fantasy and creating a new dynamic that turns you and your partner on. It’s thrilling, playful, and a delicious way to keep things fresh with your lover, especially when real life starts to feel a little too routine.
5. Cuckoldry
Cuckoldry is a sexual fantasy where one partner, usually a man, finds pleasure in the idea of watching their partner, often a woman, being intimate with someone else—yeah, rough play, but here us out! While it’s not for everyone, for some people, it’s not just about the act itself, but the emotions it stirs: jealousy, excitement, submission, pride or even admiration. Some people enjoy feeling “left out” or “powerless” in a controlled setting, while others are turned on by seeing their partner desired and pleasured by someone new.
But let’s be honest—Nigerian women? We don’t like to share our men. So while cuckoldry might live rent-free in your fantasy bank, just know it takes serious emotional maturity, trust… and maybe a very brave heart.
6. Orgies
With Orgies, ‘the more, the merrier’ takes on a whole new meaning. This isn’t just one couple and a plus one; it’s multiple people, multiple bodies, and a shared sexual experience that’s all about consent, openness, and pure, unfiltered pleasure. While it may sound wild (and it can be), orgies often come with structure: clear rules, respect for boundaries, and an emphasis on safety and hygiene.
Believe it or not, there’s a small but thriving scene right here in Lagos. From exclusive invites to hush hush parties in private villas organised through Telegram and word of mouth, Sex Lagos is real—and some people are out here living your fantasies in real time. Just make sure you’re going in for the right reasons, with the right mindset (and protection in your clutch).
7. Swinging
Swinging is a shared fantasy that involves consensually swapping partners with another couple for sexual exploration. It’s about mutual pleasure, trust, and letting go of the idea that monogamy is the only way to keep things hot.
Still, swinging isn’t for everyone. If jealousy runs deep or your relationship is already shaky, it might not be the best move. But if you’re both secure, curious, and ready to explore with open minds, swinging can be a pleasure-filled playground with plenty of room for fun.
8. Public Sex (or the Thrill of Almost Getting Caught)
Whether it’s making out in a bathroom stall, going down on each other in a parked car or a discreet rendezvous in an empty-ish cinema, the ultimate seduction of public sex is in the adrenaline that kicks when you realize someone might see you.
Public sex taps into our fantasy for the forbidden, transforming everyday spaces into erotic playgrounds. But let’s be honest, you need to be smart and know the laws against sex in public so you can choose spots wisely without crossing the line. Trust me, there’s nothing remotely sexy about spending a night in kirikiri.
9. Sensual Massages
Sometimes, the sexiest thing isn’t rushing into the bedroom, but slowing things down and savoring the moment. A sensual massage should be gentle, slow, and dripping with anticipation. It’s a chance to explore each other’s bodies, not with a sense of urgency, but with pure intention.
Start with warm oils or fragrant candles to set the mood, then work your hands slowly, teasingly, over your partner’s skin. Focus on the neck, shoulders, and inner thighs—places that hold tension and pleasure. It’s not about trying to get to the “main event” as quickly as possible, but about building intimacy, connection, and desire.
But here’s the thing—sensual massages can lead to unexpected outcomes. You know, like babies. So, if you’re not quite ready for that next chapter, don’t forget to take your precautions before indulging in all that intimacy!
10. BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism)
Let’s clear something up, BDSM isn’t just chains and leather. It’s about trust, communication, and exploring power in ways that are deeply intimate and incredibly sexy.
Maybe it starts with a blindfold. Maybe it’s a light spanking, silk restraints, or whispering “yes, sir” in a low voice. From soft domination to more intense role play, BDSM lets you hand over control or take it, with full consent and zero shame.
How to Explore Sexual Fantasies Comfortably
Trying something new should feel exciting, not scary. Here’s a quick guide to help you explore safely
