Maya Jama and Stormzy are back together, good for them, really; but if you’ve seen the news and are feeling inspired to text or respond to a cheating ex, you might want to reconsider.
I mean, the heart wants what it wants, understandably, but sometimes feelings are foolish, and it’s your responsibility to fight them. So, before you take back that cheating ex, read this, let’s try to talk some sense into you.
British rapper Stormzy and Love Island presenter Jama called their four-year relationship quits in 2019 after he allegedly cheated on her (with Jorja Smith). Maya’s cryptic posts and general speculation indicate that infidelity was the reason why the pair suddenly ended their relationship. They were ‘couple goals‘ — until they weren’t.
In the years after the split, Maya Jama dated and even got engaged to Australian-born basketball player Ben Simmons, but it was not meant to be. Pictures of Maya Jama and ex-boyfriend Stormzy walking hand-in-hand on a romantic trip in Greece for her birthday published 2 months ago made us suspect that the couple had rekindled their romance and just a month ago they went Instagram official, confirming all our suspicions — and while they look cute and we’re (kind of) happy for them, our eyebrows are also raised because hello, cheating allegations?
We cannot tell what actually caused the breakup; we weren’t in the relationship with them. We also can’t tell what, if anything, changed about their unmet needs that inspired them to give love a shot again. What we do know is that we’re not all Maya and Stormzy and breakups happen for a reason, sometimes it’s necessary and other times it’s even good.
It’s spin-the-block season for Maya, and many other women may have also considered getting back together with a cheating ex. Maybe they’ve promised you they’ll change or told you that it was a mistake, it was the devil, they slipped and fell into another woman. Or maybe you just love them so much that you’re willing to let it go. If you’re considering taking this bold step, here are some reasons why you should probably reconsider:
Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat
Controversial take, but that kind of breach of trust is not very easy to get past. Even if you let love win and choose to overlook it, they may cheat again. Just knowing that forgiveness is waiting at the end of the tunnel is enough reason to repeat the offence. Tristan Thompson got away with it, and what did he do? Cheat again! Serial offenders exist, and knowing your heart is big and full of forgiveness may just embolden them to keep at it, understanding girlfriend no dey pay. Men will leave you with eggs on your face if you give them too much unmerited grace.
You Can Forgive, But Can You Forget?
Forgiveness also does not come hand in hand with forgetting. Even if you manage to let go of the feelings of hurt and betrayal, memories are harder to get rid of. If you take back a cheating partner, you’ll probably trust them less, and it’ll come up again. The way you felt when you discovered their philandering is something that may stay with you.
During unrelated arguments, there’s the possibility that you may throw it in their faces again; it doesn’t really go away. You may start to over-scrutinise them, monitor their activities, check their phone, and if you have to go through all those hurdles, you might as well just break up, right? I don’t think any man is worth becoming paranoid and maybe even crazy over. If you’ve decided you want to work past it and stay with them but find yourself constantly bringing it up, that can quickly become a toxic and manipulative situation. You don’t get your way, you bring it up. They disagree with you on something, you bring it up. It’s not healthy for anyone involved.
Can Your Self-Esteem Handle It?
A partner cheating on you may cause you to look at yourself differently. You may wonder, why her? What does she have or do that’s better than me? You may start to constantly feel inferior to the person he cheated with or other women who fit the bill, stalking their social media and making constant comparisons. It’s not very good for self-esteem.
If you take a cheater back, you may begin to feel like certain women around him are a threat, and next thing you know, you’re one of those women stalking their partners’ likes, monitoring their following and followers lists and dm-ing random women to stay away from and not tempt your man. “I come to you as a woman” is definitely beneath you.
Public Disgrace and Embarrassment
Another very important factor to consider is the presence of public disgrace. If your man’s side thing is on the internet dragging your name, shading you on lives and demeaning you, remaining with said man is beyond embarrassing because not only has he disrespected you, but he has given room for her and the general public to disrespect you too (*cough* Davido).
It may be hard to believe, but you can and will find better. No matter how great your ex was in certain aspects, I guarantee that there are people out there who are even better suited to you. There’s no guarantee that you’ll find them, but what a loss if you don’t even try because you’re stuck on someone who has breached your trust.
If the cause of the breakup was cheating, then your partner couldn’t possibly have been that great. Cheating indicates;
- a lack of respect for your partner
- a lack of self-control
- outright disregard
- all of the above.
However, infidelity is not a dealbreaker for everyone…shockingly. So whatever floats our individual boats I guess.
However, you may feel like you need to thug it out. Women are socialised to tolerate all sorts of bad behaviour from men and infidelity is seen as normal; “ all men cheat, as long as he comes home to me,” but I guarantee you, that is not the case. You don’t need to close your eyes to things that hurt you because they are normalised. Cheating is not one of the ups and downs in a relationship.
Getting back together with an ex regardless of the cause of the breakup is a big risk to take. The relationship ended for a reason, and unless you’re the lucky 1% or your fundamental problems have been resolved, you’re doomed for disaster. Maybe you’re star-crossed lovers who have to fight demons to be together, and you somehow make it work, but I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news; we can’t all be so lucky. If the cause of the breakup was irreconcilable differences like cheating or that he doesn’t wash his bum, then maybe you need to let go.