Women often face difficult questions when considering getting back together with an ex. “Do I really have a chance at finding happiness again?” “Are my feelings still real?” “Am I just horny or lonely?..” We’ve all been there. After a breakup comes with a lot of emotions and even doubts about whether you made the right decision or not. Sometimes you end up missing your ex and suddenly, it seems like getting back together could be a fresh start. To get insight into how women approach these situations, we interviewed five different women about their past experiences of trying – and not trying – to get back with an old flame. Some experienced success while it didn’t go so well for others as they ventured down what can sometimes be a tumultuous path of reconciliation. Through their unique stories of love lost and found, these women shed light on the emotions that come along with rekindling a relationship – from fear and excitement to uncertainty and joy – revealing just how complex attempting to patch up broken relationships can be.
Love Does Not Follow Logic
My ex and I have a history of breaking up and getting back together. Its happened more than three times now. Whenever we “break up” there’s always something we are angry about and then that anger leads us to blocking each other and ceasing communication. Sometimes all it takes for us is a phone call and we run back to each other. The last time this happened, after 8 months of being apart, the situation that made us reconcile after a huge misunderstanding, was after I bumped into him at a friend’s new restaurant. After reconciling, we proceeded to go on several dates. During one of the outings, after an intense makeout session, he proceeded to tell me about his new girlfriend. I thought it was all a joke at first so it took me a while to realize he was serious. At the moment, he has broken up with her but we are both treading with caution. I never ask to know what’s going on in his life and I can’t bring myself to go through his phone. Since we rekindled our romance, we’ve been communicating fine. And everything is great in terms of our vibe and connection. He has lived a life that didn’t involve me for the past 8-9 months so listening to him go on and on about his new friends, feels so strange. I know I’m a little insecure about him going back to the girl he was with after we broke up but can you blame me? In terms of intimacy, I don’t think I’m ready to fully give my body to him again. But I don’t regret us getting back together because whenever we break up, I feel deprived of him. I really love this man and that alone is satisfying. Love does not follow logic – I know that much is true. People think going back to an ex makes you a messy person but when you love someone, I don’t think you would be able to ever forget them. People are imperfect, but if you can still see the good in your partner and they make you undeniably happy, it’s not wrong to go back!
-Loveth, 25
It Was a Mistake and I Deserved Better
I thought getting back with my ex would be a good idea, but it turned out to be a huge mistake. We had been together for a couple of years before things ended badly and we went our separate ways. I was heartbroken and thought I would never be able to move on. A few months later, my ex reached out to me and said he had made a mistake and wanted to try again. I was hesitant at first, but I still had feelings for him and decided to give it another shot. However, things quickly went downhill. It was like he hadn’t changed at all and all the same issues that led to our breakup were still there. He was still selfish, didn’t respect my boundaries, and had a short temper. I tried to make it work, but I just couldn’t ignore the red flags. It was emotionally exhausting! I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells. Eventually, I realized that getting back with him was a mistake and I deserved better. He had anger issues, and I was scared of being with someone who had so much rage. He tried so hard to show he was a changed man, but he made mistakes. I also wasn’t free with him because I was so careful getting him angry. At this point, I hate him so much and I regret my every decision. My advice for anyone considering getting back with an ex: run! Once bad is always bad.
-Damilola, 26
Sometimes, All the Signs That You Aren’t Meant to Be Are There
Asides finding out my ex was cheating, I had also been noticing manipulative and slightly abusive traits so I broke things off. After we broke up, he came and said his church told him we were surely meant to be together and that made me go back to him. Upon getting back together, I felt stupid. But I had dated this man for three years since my teen years so it was either him or no one. Although I knew he was still going to be a lying, cheating prick because you can’t expect a tiger to change its stripes. There was nothing different about the way we communicated or interacted with each other after getting back together, and we didn’t overcome the challenges we faced that made us separate in the first place. I regret my decision and my advice to anyone that wants to get back with an ex, is don’t!
-Tumi, 21
I Didn’t Need His Love to Survive
I got back with my ex after he texted to check on me after a few months of being apart, and so that’s how we started talking again. I saw him as the one that got away so I was happy to rekindle things. He told me he had changed and promised things would be different said. He also added how he had never stopped loving me. After we met up, I realized I still felt something for him. In fact, I don’t think the feelings ever left. I was worried about getting into a romantic relationship with him again because he got distant towards the end of our initial relationship, which messed with me. I honestly shouldn’t have gone back because he was still the same. He still refused to comprehend some of the issues I raised about our relationship and would often try to gaslight me. Eventually I got tired after convincing myself that I didn’t need his love to survive. After all, I have a lot of love at home. Furthermore, I believe if you care about someone, you should be able to make time for them and not have them feel it’s unrequited. Getting back together with my ex really showed me how completely different we are. My advice for women is, if an ex ever reaches out to you for “closure” or to convince you to give them another chance, just know that they are just saying whatever needs to be said to get back to you. Moreover, if you have a bad feeling, don’t ignore it! Trust your gut.
-Rose, 21
I Think He’s My Person
I did get back with my ex, and we are still together. Honestly, I really can’t even explain it. I think with him, it just felt like we weren’t done yet. We both knew we wanted more of each other. We never completely cut off communication so maybe that’s another factor. But also, we’ve always been so fond of each other so any slight conversation we had after the breakup sprung an opportunity to consider getting back together. We actually couldn’t see our lives without each other. And I’m not saying we can’t be apart, but we had a chance to make it work again so we did. Going back to him, I had numerous emotions; I was terrified, very skeptical, and very unsure, but it also felt right. I had my reservations, I was scared it was going to backfire in my face. Although it felt different, we both had clarity on what we wanted and how we felt. But of course, I was still petrified. Our communication after getting back together was much better and we actually got closer. But I still remain very doubtful even if he always does his best to reassure me, no matter how many times I express my pessimistic feelings towards our relationship. I don’t regret getting back together with him, I think I’m happy. We still have our issues but it feels less toxic, and he is a lot more understanding. He is my person. I don’t know how to describe it but we get each other now, even though there were some days I regretted my decision. My advice to women is, whatever is detrimental to your sanity, peace & general well-being is not worth “spinning the block” for.
-Lala, 26
Getting back together with an ex-partner is a decision that should be carefully considered. It’s important to identify the reasons for the breakup and determine if those issues can be resolved. Rebuilding trust is a key factor in making it work, and communication and honesty are essential. Ultimately, the decision to give it another try should be made with caution and the realization that it may not always work out. As evidenced by the personal stories shared by these women, the reasons for rekindling a relationship with an ex-partner are varied and unique to each individual. While some women may have had successful experiences with their exes, others have experienced heartbreak and regret. It’s essential to consider your well-being, intentions, and reasons for wanting to reconnect with an ex before coming to a decision. It’s also important to keep communication open, establish boundaries, and be honest with yourself and your partner throughout the process. Whether you choose to move on or give love another chance, remember that you deserve happiness and a fulfilling relationship that aligns with your values and priorities.
