Digital romance is in, with many women using apps like Tinder and Bumble to find companionship, seek adventure, or even just spark a fleeting connection. While we hear many stories from women using dating apps abroad, for reasons unknown to us, dating apps just never boomed in Nigeria. We still get the occasional “we met on Instagram/ X/ Facebook” love stories, but rarely ever hear of a Nigerian-Tinder meet cute.
We sat down with six women to hear their personal experiences navigating the world of online dating in Nigeria. From hilarious misadventures and WTF moments to encounters that blossomed into emotional connections, their stories give us insight into whether it’s better to meet someone in person or find them with a swipe.
Lara
I started using Tinder to meet new people. Honestly, I was in my fuck-girl era, and Tinder was the first app I used.
Being bi-curious, I wanted to explore what it’s like to be with a woman (I still haven’t explored yet), but my interest quickly soured because the babe I connected with on Tinder wanted to turn me into her son’s stepmom. So, we got talking, and it felt nice. I was open with her that I’ve never experienced sex with a woman, and I was just trying to explore. She, in turn, was open to being my first experience. We would talk and flirt every day online. She confided in me about how tough life is as a single mum and I was empathetic enough to console and cheer her up anytime she was moody.
The time came for us to meet up, and she wanted me to meet her son…on the FIRST DATE? That was the first red flag for me because, woman, is your son meeting everyone you get down with? I ignored it until one day, on the phone, she was talking about us getting married, having kids and eloping. Bear in mind, we hadn’t yet met, so where was all that talk coming from? I started ignoring her calls and texts after that. In fact, I blocked and ghosted her. I just couldn’t fathom being trapped.
My dating app experience made me realise I prefer to meet people in real life because then I’m able to properly judge their mannerisms and expressions—I feel like real-life vibes don’t lie, and I can quickly find out if my spirit does not gel with such a person.
Rita
Boredom has always been the driving factor in my indulgence in dating apps. It is for this reason that I first joined Tinder in 2022 and, subsequently, Bumble. I have had two memorable experiences using dating apps.
I met this guy, and he was everything I could have ever wanted in a partner. Our conversations were memorable, and after our first date, I was sure that I had met my person. Six months down the line, the honeymoon phase began to dwindle as this guy started ghosting me slowly until it became obvious that I was a bother.
My second experience was what revealed to me that mad people fill dating apps. This dude (28 years old) started off as this rich gentleman who came from Canada and was looking for a friend who lived close by, and since he saw that our distance was close, he matched with me. Just after 2 days of talking, bro started demanding that I greet him before speaking to him and that I address him as Mr. (insert his first name). I thought it was a joke until we started spending most of our conversations arguing about why he must be addressed in such a manner. You won’t believe that he maintained that I lack respect for my elders—a.k.a his 28-year-old agabaya self.
The amount of patience that I had with this guy still surprises me today because it took me a month to realize that he was just a time and energy waster before I blocked him.
After my experience with dating apps, I am convinced that most people on such platforms have no true intentions. Most people on dating apps in Nigeria are just ment, and communicating with them tends to be energy-draining. So, for now, I think I prefer meeting people in real life.
Danny
I started using dating apps in 2021. It was purely out of curiosity. I had seen a Nigerian talking about the app, and it made me wonder how a Nigerian had access to what I thought was a foreign app. I was in a relationship, so it was quite the chore explaining to my partner that curiosity was what led me to open and create a profile on Tinder.
My experience with dating apps can be summed up into two words: memorable and slightly horrifying.
I once matched with this product designer on Bumble. We hit it off and spoke for a while and made plans to meet the next day. We linked up at a restaurant, we placed our orders, and I noticed he held his spoon like a praying mantis—don’t ask me why that came to my head. Everything he did from then on kept giving me the ick. I judge people who do not maintain proper table etiquette, like folding napkins on your lap and using a fork and knife, so he was already down some points. Anyway, we got talking about his exes and why they broke up. One reason was that she had a side man, and the other was because he yelled at her once or twice. Mehn, as soon as he spoke about raising his voice at her, I went deaf. I wasn’t interested in whatever else he had to say. It’s not me he will come and be shouting at abeg.
As if that wasn’t enough, he started talking about his family—how he’s the firstborn son from an Igbo home and presently the only income earner (if you know, you know), how his mum is a chronic debtor, how a chunk of his salary goes into paying her debts monthly and how his parents live in the same house but don’t talk. In my mind, all I am thinking is, “Damn, at least give me a chance to fall in love with you first before overdosing me with family problems”. At the end of the date, I told him he needed therapy, not a relationship.
Tinder, thankfully, hasn’t awarded me with only bad stories. I met my best friend on that platform. On my profile, I play the X n O game with myself, and his opening line was a picture of him starting the game on paper, nothing else. I grabbed my book, played the next move, and we kept going till it reached a stalemate. Immediately, we got on a phone call, and we talked for hours and hours. I knew then that we had to meet in person because normally, I absolutely detest calls, but here I was talking for hours. We met and clicked instantly, but unfortunately, between our genotypes (he’s SS and I’m AS), japa plans, and the absence of a physical attraction on my end, we didn’t pursue a romantic relationship. Now that he’s a continent away, we have stayed in each other’s lives every day since.
I also met my now ex-boyfriend on the app. Our conversation on Tinder was so fun that I found myself laughing and pausing between workout sets to respond to this man. One day, he said something that irritated me, and I started distancing myself from him. However, he asked for a second chance to make me see him in a different light. I did by giving him my number. Our conversations moved to WhatsApp, where he kept sending me pictures, and, *cries*, he looked short.
When we started planning to meet in real life, he gave me 2 restaurants to pick from for our first date, and I thought that was so hot because, let’s be real, when it comes to planning dates, men on these streets lack game. I was about 30 minutes late to our date, but despite panicking at my tardiness, I remember arriving at the restaurant, locating this guy and immediately thinking, ‘What a yummy man’. This man turned out to be 6 ft 3. The inner girl in me was squealing. He was amazing. We went to another restaurant and talked the night away. When we were done at the restaurant, I followed him for a New Year’s Party. His friends were amazing—those kind of people that know how to make anyone feel welcome.
We had one more date the next weekend at an art gallery, then met up for drinks with his best friend and his IJGB younger cousin. With everyone about 4 cocktails in, his best friend blabbed and asked him when exactly he was going to ask me out because he had heard him practising his speech. After some slight mortification, he asked me out there and then.
Things between us were great for about 2-3 months, then we broke up. If you’ve watched ‘Big Bang Theory’, think of Sheldon. That’s an accurate description of my ex- but with better social skills. I’m unfortunately not Sheldon’s Amy. I need my love, loud and not obnoxious. He needs therapy, and I need someone who wants to love me the way I want to be loved. A big part of me still loves him and despite breaking up with him twice for some sanity, a small part of me still wants him back based on ‘he can change’. But thank God for growth because I am done being God’s strongest soldier on top of relationships.
Because I’ve had both good and questionable experiences on Tinder, I can’t say for sure if I rather meet men online or in person. In person, you can tell if there’s a zing or not. But based on my schedule, dating apps are more convenient. There’s something about swiping that’s a nice and much-needed distraction.
Eniola
I joined a dating app because I didn’t go out very often, and I needed a way to meet rich guys without spending money. Tinder helped me accomplish my mission.
I met this one guy, let’s call him Manny. He treated me exactly the way I wanted to be treated in a romantic relationship. He was an absolute sweetheart. Our first date was in an Asian restaurant. Look, until you’re treated right, you won’t know that it’s possible to get the princess treatment you deserve. But the gag is, despite the tender loving and care I got from Manny, our relationship didn’t last because he was just too boring for me. When we were together, we barely had anything to talk about.
My current boyfriend, whom I also met online, cannot spend on me the way Manny did because he’s still young and not as rich, so I understand. If I am looking for love next time, though, I would prefer meeting such a person in real life because it removes that first-time meet-up anxiety.
Jill
I started using dating apps because I had seen adverts about Tinder and was convinced it would be a new and good way to connect with guys. I’ve met the good, bad and ugly on Tinder. It’s been a whirlwind, honestly.
I met this guy who told me that he & his girlfriend are looking for someone to watch them fornicate. And I met this other guy who thought it would be a good idea to begin our conversation with “How much?” If I go into the amount of catfishes on Tinder, you will never leave here. I met a man from Tinder in person, and it’s not like he didn’t look like his picture. The pictures he posted on the app were his throwbacks, so I had assumed he was my agemate. But in reality, he was way older than me and he wore his shoes like they were slippers—you know, the way toddlers do when they have spent hours in school, away from their parents.
The nail in the coffin for me was when a guy asked me to be his dominatrix. He talked about how he wanted to be flogged, humiliated, degraded and shamed 4 times a week. BDSM was not my cup of tea, as I’ve never personally experienced such a dynamic. Imagine the loud laugh I let out when I realised that he blocked me cause I asked, “How much?” Was he thinking that I was going to give him the Christian Grey and Ana Steel’s dynamics, FOR FREE?
I did have some successful relationship experiences on Tinder. I met 2 guys there who are now part of my close circle in life. They’ve been extremely supportive of me, and I thank God for their presence in my life. So yeah, a win is a win.
Nevertheless, I would always prefer meeting guys in real life because dating apps give an illusion to people in society that they have good social skills, when in fact, many don’t. A lot of people are great to chat with online, but when you meet them in person, it’s a complete 180 in terms of personality. They are either shy or completely creepy, no in between.
This reminds me of how I realised that men are incapable of saying “and you?” when engaged in physical conversation—ask a man one question and he’ll talk about himself throughout the date. He won’t bother throwing the question back at you to get to know you. Ever since I noticed this with a number of men, whenever I go on dates, I don’t care to carry the conversation any longer. If I’m not asked a question about myself, I simply don’t speak. So while the guy is blabbing about himself, all I do is punctuate his stories with “oh wow”, “that’s crazy” “wonderful” and keep quiet. It has saved me energy that can be spent on other worthwhile things. I highly recommend it.
Queen
I joined Tinder because I have a hard time meeting guys where I live. I barely go out, and when I do, I don’t get to see guys I like, so I decided to give dating apps a try.
On Tinder, I matched with this weird guy who proceeded to call me “dear” at the end of almost every sentence. When I ranted to him about how my day didn’t go as planned because a friend cancelled on me, this guy suggested that we hang out and do all the things my friend and I were supposed to do. However, he said I had to buy the weed we would smoke. He wasn’t fine enough to make such a request, please. I got the instant ick!
I prefer meeting people in person because it’s easier to create chemistry and flow with guys in person. On apps, the vibe usually feels kind of forced.