The Chase: Why Are We All Forming When It Comes To Love?

Love probably has the best PR if you think about it. It’s always highly spoken of but we never really sit down and think about all the things we rationalize just to get it. We see so much content about the chase and gymnastics women should go through to get a man when we shouldn’t have to hide parts of ourselves or “form” to get what we want in a person. When you meet someone new, it is natural that things should flow easily. In fact, if you’re not careful, you can give too much too soon.

The culprit for this annoyance is the chase culture. There are so many unnecessary rules that come with dating. For some reason, men don’t value women they don’t have to fight for. No matter how much you like the guy in the beginning, you have to withdraw a bit or not show as much interest to test his effort and intentions. Just think about the type of things we rationalize just to get a decent guy. Let’s go through some more ridiculous rules I know we can all relate to.

Never Make The First Move

We live in a society where women do their very best to send approachable messages, while men are expected to express interest. I’ve heard some men say how they would prefer to chase the woman rather than the other way around, and it always rubs me off the wrong way because there’s so much judgement around women who are straightforward. If men — and sometimes our fellow girlfriends — don’t see it as being “too easy”, they will call it being aggressive. To feel intimidated by a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it, sounds like a personal problem to me. Making the first move doesn’t make you desperate and anyone who thinks so shouldn’t be dating.

Never Be The Person To Text First

If you’re attracted to someone and the energy seems right, why can’t you text them first? Again, initiating conversation doesn’t make you desperate. It makes you, oh I don’t know, interested in getting to know them better? As long as you aren’t the person texting and checking in all the time (one sided relationships are never fun), I don’t see the problem. There really is nothing wrong with taking things into your own hands. It even puts you more in control instead of waiting around, which is never the best feeling.

Don’t text back immediately

I understand wanting to seem like a booked and busy queen but taking my sweet time to reply a text when I know I really want to do the exact opposite, sounds like unnecessary headache. As long as your replies are coming quick, so will mine. If you reply me after two working days, I will do the same. My point is, energy should always be reciprocated. If there is an obvious connection and he is giving timely responses, why kill the vibe by intentionally responding late?

Always Play hard to get

This basically sums up the last two “rules.” I know some people get a kick out of this but love doesn’t have to be a game. Sometimes, things can actually be straightforward. Life is too hard as it is, romance doesn’t have to be scripted – it can be spontaeneous. I know some men can suck you into their two can play that game mindset but tbh when its real, all these rules wouldn’t even matter because things will naturally flow and fall into place.

Read: Modern Dating Sucks. Where Did Romance Go?

Show wickedness

Why is this the one men respond to the most? No one should want you more just because you’re wicked to them but I’m honestly starting to believe that this right here is Nigerian men’s love language. I’m convinced it could be a trauma response but that’s a conversation for another day. These days, I can’t even blame women for choosing to go this route because wickedness is what men deserve. And they seem to respond well to it too.

always Hide Your Feelings

The problem with modern dating is, everyone wants to appear like they could care less. I’m not saying you shouldn’t protect your feelings, but hiding how you feel from someone you care about is so much torture to yourself. The worst thing that can happen is, they wouldn’t feel the same way. And although it’s a horrible, horrible feeling, it wouldn’t kill you. Besides, It’s always good to know where you stand with people instead of overthinking till kingdom come. If you’re sure of your feelings, communicate. And if you’re not sure, still communicate. Let everyone know what they are doing so that there’s no delay in serving breakfast.

Some men can be dishonest and even when there is no reason to be, they make simple things complicated. However, being confident about what you want isn’t an excuse for a guy not to apply pressure. These things should be done with discretion. I think it’s important to realize that no one’s relationship is the same so there is no need to make it a measuring stick for yourself. Do what feels right within your boundaries and eventually things will work out.

What Are Some Other Ridiculous Dating Rules? Share In The Comments!