From the stables of “Loud Budgeting” and “Girl Dinner,” there’s a new term to describe yet another shared experience among women of various backgrounds: our subtle yet powerful responses to everyday microaggressions directed against us, known as Micro-Feminism.
Micro-feminism is defined by its focus on small everyday actions women take to bridge the gender divide. Women on the internet are loving the term, prompting them to share their acts of micro-feminism. There were many subtle ones, like placing the female gender prefixes first, “Ma and Sir” and “Mrs and Mr.” Others are slightly more overt, such as not stopping when you’re interrupted by a man in the workplace but talking over him until it’s so uncomfortable he stops talking. The goal of these actions is to foster a society that truly respects the agency of women in the long term. Indeed, a tiny drop of water makes a mighty ocean.
As a subtle middle finger to misogyny, we compiled some of our favourite acts of micro-feminism that can be incorporated into our daily lives.
Assume an Unknown Official or Authority is a Woman Until Stated Otherwise
In 2024, we are still unconsciously giving the ‘he’ pronoun to persons whose gender we are unsure of, especially the person who occupies a position of power. We see this when people are sending professional emails to persons they are not acquainted with and also when online vendors are communicating via text—it’s usually: “Dear Sir” or “Yes Sir”, even though they have not confirmed whether or not you’re a man. A great example would be if someone says, we need to get the view of the Managing Director, then most people will default and say yes, let’s see what he thinks. But if they were to say we need to get our secretary to take care of this, then most people will automatically respond ah yes, let’s call her over,”
It’s 2024. It may not yet be the ideal number. Still, there’s a growing number of brilliant and accomplished women who are the best in their field, so it’s logical to start assuming until stated otherwise, that the powerful unknown personality you’re contemplating is a woman.
Using Insults Typically Reserved For Women On Men
You know how there are many degrading ‘gendered-names’ for women? In the patriarchy, one perceived misstep from a woman, and she’s immediately branded a slut, whore, or, a personal fave, an ashewo.
In case you find yourself in an altercation with a man who’s clearly being disrespectful because you’re a woman, and it reaches the point where words are being exchanged, be the first to call him an ashewo. Rattle him. Yes, because nine times over ten, as soon as his anger is incited, the ‘A’ word begins swirling in his brain and dancing at the tip of his tongue or fingertips (for online arguments), ready to be spoken aloud, smug in the belief that he possesses a monopoly of the usage of the slur over you.
For less heated conversations, but ones were condescending subliminals punctuate each sentence being spoken by a man to you, rather than shying away, match his energy. In those scenarios, when you are in a tense conversation with a guy, and he wants to position himself as the nonchalant, logical dude, so he uses sweet names like “beautiful”, “honey”, and “sweetie” whenever he wants to pass his point across; play reverse uno and patronizingly refer to such a man as “sweetie” in spite of the tense atmosphere between you two. You can take things up a notch by asking him the ever-green silly question men use to gaslight women into thinking that we are childish and overreactive: “Sweetie, why are you being so emotional?”.
In addition, when you see (popular) men fighting on the internet, you can choose to let the world either know that men are men’s greatest enemies or that male friendships are terrible. After all, this is the common anthem a lot of men use when female friendships break down or even when women slightly disagree on things.
First to do, no dey pain.
Take Up Space
Misogyny relegates women to the role of background characters. We are to be seen, never heard.
This harmful notion has led many women to shrink their voices and bodies as well, all in a bid to avoid being “too much”. This harmful notion is sinister because it doesn’t only manifest systematically but also seeps into the mundane interactions of our everyday lives. It explains why manspreading is an actual thing and why, in limited spaces shared with a man, he is likely to make no attempt to accommodate you while your initial instinct is to contort yourself for his comfort.
Take up space. If you’re walking on a slim pathway and a guy is approaching on the other end, you don’t always have to be the one to shift for him. In public transport, if a guy manspreads, let him know that he is constituting a nuisance in a public space.
Taking up space also requires you to be audacious, especially in male-dominated spaces. Practice being bold enough to make contributions in such a room and embrace positive thoughts that solidify your belief in being deserving of the space.
Pretend Not To Get Sexual Innuendos
Gather here if you’ve ever been in a formal setting, and a male colleague that you’re friendly with makes a sexist joke wholly inappropriate for the setting as well as the level of familiarity between you two. For me, I have experienced this countless times. My initial reaction to inappropriate commentary was to ignore it. Four years back, I had a male colleague, who I hadn’t even worked with for two weeks, asking to confirm if I was dating someone he happened to know. I responded, “Yes, that’s my baby”. Imagine this silly boy fixed his mouth, AT WORK, to ask, “Is he the only one sucking those sweet breasts?” I was immediately disgusted, but rather than expressing how upsetting his words were, I chose to walk out.
The thing is, there are some things someone will do or say to you that if you don’t change it for them speedily and seriously, your silence will haunt you for a long time, and you will end up feeling like you have betrayed yourself. I had learnt my lesson.
More recently, a classmate of mine was wearing a cool set of rings, which I complimented. Another of his friends, unprovoked, added his mouth and asked him to put the rings on my finger for me to wear. In response to his friend’s request, my classmate added suggestively, “I would like to put something else inside her”. Then, they both burst out laughing.
I honestly and sincerely ask, from where to where?
With a frown on my face, I asked them, very sternly, to explain what exactly was funny. The smiles on their face quickly disappeared, and when they realized I was waiting for an explanation, they both began to stumble over their words. When the clowns couldn’t give me a coherent answer, I told them how senseless their unfunny jokes were, and I made sure to do it within earshot of others around. I had never given him and his friend any reason to get so comfortable making me the subject of their lewd comment. It was simply, *the audacity*. A lot of men open their mouths, and you can tell that since they arrived on earth, no one has ever told them to shut the fuck up. Micro-feminism tells you it’s okay to be the first.
It’s safe to say my classmates were pretty sober throughout that class. Hopefully, in a conversation with another woman, they will be more wary about cracking offensive jokes. And if they choose to overstep boundaries yet again, I hope the next woman won’t be afraid to ruin the vibe.
Avoid Gendered Roles At Occasions
Don’t you just hate it when you walk into an occasion, and women are huddled together trying to sort out what everyone will eat? On the other hand, the men present are seated comfortably, enjoying themselves? Then, at the end of the party, the same women still bear the burden of cleaning up. Damn, whoever made these rules really detested women.
A badass act of micro-feminism is discarding the role of ‘server’ at occasions and embracing being ‘served’. In fact, going forward, the only thing you should serve at occasions are *lewks*. So, saunter into that family or work gathering, looking fly. If women are trying to fix other people’s plates, don’t join in. Sit down with the males and enjoy yourself. You can even shame some male guests into helping their partners in the kitchen.
If you occupy a senior position at such a gathering, delegate tasks that were preconceived to be for women alone to the men present as well. So, stop making only the younger girls clean up after the guests and wash the dishes, or stop leaving the female staff at work to sort out placing orders for food. Switch things up. After all, what is good for the geese is good for the gander.
Talk Freely About Periods
Periods are natural, yet society has shrouded menstrual topics with shame and secrecy. As girls, many of us were raised to speak in low tones about periods. We were raised to be filled with shame and panic whenever menstrual blood stains our clothes. Heck, there are entire religions that deem women on their periods as “unclean”.
Eradicating stigmatization of periods requires that, on a personal level, we let go of shame when it comes to how we view our periods. This is your permission to casually talk about the blood clot that you could feel literally coming out of you. You don’t have to do the most trying to hide your sanitary pads—hold it like you would hold a tissue roll. Don’t be afraid to ask the men in your life to help you pick up tampons from the store.
