*This article was updated on Thursday, September 21st, 2023.
Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. It is a form of blatant hostile sexism as opposed to benevolent sexism, which constitutes actions that appear positive prima facie but connote inferiority to men based on fragility, lack of competence, or a need for help and protection from men.
Misogyny is an agent of the status quo. It’s used to subjugate women and sustain the patriarchal hierarchy where women are considered inherently subordinate to men.
Misogyny has been widely practised all over the world for thousands of years. It is reflected in literature, art, religion, human societal structure, historical events, mythology, and philosophy. It is pervasive in patriarchal societies, so essentially, everywhere.
Misogyny manifests as violence against women. Domestic violence, sexual harassment and femicide are often inspired by misogyny. It is not just the derision of women, though that is a problem in itself, however, this scorn and contempt doesn’t stop at thoughts, opinions and words. Men act on misogyny every day, and women’s lives are worse for it.
Who Is A Misogynist?
Simply put, a misogynist is a woman hater — a person who hates or discriminates against women. Hate is a strong word, and many men do not realise or are reluctant to admit that they hold beliefs or exhibit behaviour that is akin to hating women. Making hateful sexist jokes about violence against women, trivialising women’s experiences, believing that as a man, you are superior to women, simply because, physically harming women, undermining women and treating them as inferior, slut shaming and degrading women are all misogynistic behaviours.
This title is not exclusive to men; many women suffer from internalised misogyny, a form of self-hate. This is usually a result of patriarchal indoctrination and cultural, environmental and religious factors. Women suffering from internalised misogyny believe they are inferior to men simply because they are women. They mistrust other women, value male attention and approval over women’s safety and believe in gender biases against women.
Misogynistic women project their beliefs onto other women and harm them by collaborating with violent men to harm them, excusing and encouraging violence against women and helping men escape accountability.
How Does Misogyny Play Out In Society Today?
If you’re watching the current season of Big Brother Naija or following it on social media, then you know that some of the men are of questionable character and have questionable beliefs and opinions.
From the degrading commentary about female housemates to slut shaming, planning to get them drunk so they’re more uninhibited, to feeling entitled to the labour of women, who like them, are competing for the 120 million naira, in the form of cooking and catering; there’s definitely some misogyny in the air. It’s no surprise though, we experienced these men in past seasons, and their true colours are not just showing, but some of their conversations this season are extra worrying.
One woke queen brought the word “misogyny” into contemplation, and Big Brother took it upon himself to ask a certain housemate what misogyny is. His answer was embarrassing and sorely disappointing, especially as he’s allegedly and supposedly knowledgeable. He did not know the meaning of misogyny.
Big Brother asks, “What is misogyny?”
He responds: “From the way she’s using it, it’s like she… Honestly, right now, I don’t even have the definition in my head. I just know that it’s a negative line towards the male characters.” And then he proceeds to talk around in circles.
Big Brother then, thankfully, defines it for him and their far-reaching audience to see. It is refreshing to see the concept of misogyny discussed on a show like Big Brother Naija. Maybe hearing the word and what it actually means will lead to some introspection, but I doubt it.
Like this Big Brother Nigeria housemate, many men do not know or want to know what misogyny means. They’re content to tell themselves that it’s an empty word; a mere accusation women use against men.
He then says, “In a house with a bunch of men that are in love with women, I don’t even…”. This is a common misconception held by men; that because they’re attracted to women, they “like” women. Romantic feelings or even familial love do not exempt men from actively harming women. The intimate partner violence, honour killing and general femicide rates say otherwise.
Misogyny is so ingrained into patriarchy that most men just instinctively dismiss it. It must not exist. Sure, there are disproportionate amounts of violence perpetrated against women by their boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers, strangers in the street— men. But, of course, women must be making it up.
Men often undermine accusations of misogyny because defensiveness is their immediate instinct, even when they don’t even know what it means. When they do, they think they can’t and don’t hate women because they’re sexually or emotionally attracted to them, but most women know fully how hateful men can get when that attraction is removed, or when their egos are hurt by something or the other. Also, no man can understand what misogyny is more than a woman who has lived it, so they’re not an authority on what is and isn’t misogyny and should defer to women on the subject.
The same way a racist white person would say, “I don’t hate black people, I have black friends”; Many men say, “I don’t hate women; I have a mother/wife/girlfriend/daughter,” while being misogynistic towards those women they claim to love and women in general.
In another instance of blatant misogyny, the usual suspect says he’s birthing sons so they can run trains on people’s daughters. His statements are disturbing and harmful for an array of reasons. Firstly, he’s sexualising his infant child. He says, “I gave birth to a boy first, he will fuck your daughter”. He evidently doesn’t see women and girls as people, but rather, as sex objects, and should he birth a daughter, we can see that his perception of her and his relationship with her will likely be tainted by misogyny.
His audience of presumably rational males join him to laugh at his joke. In a gathering of four, it does not occur to any of them that what is being said is derogatory towards women and problematic.; nobody calls him out.
There’s also the fact that the so-called good, progressive, non-woman-hating men just stand around and do nothing while their male counterparts spew and do misogyny. In a gathering of misogynistic men, there’s always the one who postures like he’s different from the rest, but he does not call out their bad behaviour or attempt to educate them. He stands around and pats himself on the back for not actively contributing like he is not guilty by association for condoning it. Does a certain Big Brother housemate come to mind? If you watch the show, I’m sure you can picture someone or certain someone. Another former housemate who had formerly endorsed this person made a tweet saying; “I don’t condone this behaviour” about the subject— the end; activism complete. In holding space for misogynistic men, even men who do not actively perpetrate misogyny are culpable.
*Seyi, the resident misogynist, was evicted from the show, so Pere took it upon himself to pick up the mantle. You know how men always have more vitriol and energy for women than they do for their fellow men? That, my friends, is also misogyny.
He punched a wall, but we all know if the cameras were not rolling, his punch might have found another target. To make matters worse, he was given what was essentially a slap on the wrist from big brother after displaying such a level of violence against a fellow housemate and destroying property. And Doyin, whose offence was apparently “provocation” was given the same punishment as him!
The message that this passes across is that physical violence is equivalent to words, and that he got off so easily must be why he was confident enough to flip a bed while Alex was in it. Would he do these things to a male housemate? I wonder.
There is no justification for his actions, and they simply show how he views women and what he believes is acceptable conduct, and it is very telling about the kind of person he is.
Ignoring catcalls on the street may be the reason why a woman gets barraged with insults or meted with violence. Taking off the hijab is a death sentence for some women, others are killed by the men closest to them or for rejecting advances or for ending a relationship. If you’re kind to men, problem. If you’re not, problem. When will we be free?
Women can not seem to exist free of scrutiny, shaming, harm and judgment inspired by hate, contempt and sexist prejudice. Misogyny is very real, and it’s actively harming women.
