I am just going to come right out and say it, heartbreak is inevitable. It sucks! If you are living on this planet there is no way you have not experienced heartbreak at least once. Especially in our twenties because we are all still trying to figure life and ourselves out. Heartbreak is one of those things that bring us to a point of feeling like our lives are literally over and they come in different forms. A lot of us still believe that getting our hearts broken (which is an inevitable, unforeseeable circumstance of life) as a sign of weakness. However, I beg to differ as true strength is found in our ability to bounce back from difficult situations.
When it comes to issues of the heart, there can be a literal ‘Danger: heartache ahead’ sign in front of us and we still would throw caution to the wind and go full speed ahead. I personally can attest to this, and it is so crazy because I have always been a hyper-sensitive person, so you will think that I would know not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Although I do not agree with the saying, ‘it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all’. I do believe that heartbreak teaches us things that we would not have learnt with ordinary eye. As my friend would say “it aids character building”. On the plus side it also makes for hilarious memories post healing.
I am going to be sharing with you the different types of heartbreak you’re likely to experience in your twenties that can almost literally break your heart.
- The ‘I really got cheated on’ Heartbreak: This is the worst kind of heartbreak, because not only does it drastically weaken your ability to trust, but it does something to your self esteem. It is also one of the hardest to get over because it is impossible to rationalize why it happened and it leaves the you wondering ‘why?’ with no closure or comfort. Honestly, if you have ever experienced this type of hurt, nothing about how it played out was your fault.
- The ‘First Love’ Heartbreak: This heartbreak sucks and is mostly experienced in your twenties if you escaped it in your teenage years. I mean come on, a lot of us thought we were going to end up with our first love but life comes at you hard. This is the first time you fully opened up and gave your heart to someone. Both the good and the ugly, only for it to not work out. This is the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, but honestly, how many of us actually end up with our first love?
- The “We were just hooking up, but I caught feelings” Heartbreak: Hollywood needs to be stopped for the way ‘friends with benefits’ relationships are portrayed on television. The storyline is usually one in which both characters suddenly have this awakening and realize they both have feelings for each other. Realistically speaking, this is not usually the case. Honestly, I would not recommend a ‘no strings attached’ arrangement if you are someone who tends to catch feelings easily because more often that not, it leads to heart break because in the event that you do catch feelings, the person may not feel the same way.
- The “We are not friends anymore” Heartbreak: Friendship breakups are so underrated because it gets brushed off as “you can always make new friends” but the truth is they hurt like hell. Do not even get me started on how complicated it can be because ‘what happens to the secrets you shared with each other?’, ‘do you delete all the pictures you took together?’, ‘what about the memories engraved in your mind?’ and worst of all ‘how do you share your mutual friends equally?’. Realistically speaking, the older you get the harder it is to make close and genuine friendships unless by a stroke of luck.
- The “Did we just break up?” Heartbreak: This definitely had to be on the list. We have all been there and it honestly feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. It is 100% normal and healthy to allow yourself cry and feel the pain after a breakup with a long-term partner. However, what is unhealthy is the inability to imagine your life without that person, as this is a big sign of co-dependency. This creates a fear of losing them and you know what they say about our fears finding a way to catch up with us. I have had to learn the hard way to never give someone so much power over you that when things end, it feels like they are leaving with a part of you. I cringe and laugh out loud every time I remember how sad I got after a breakup, sometimes I even felt like I was going to pass out but look at me now, writing an article about the different types of heartbreak.
- The “He never called back after we hooked up” Heartbreak: I am not sure why this hurts so much. Could it be because our ego is bruised, joblessness or because we get way too ahead of ourselves and start creating wedding Pinterest boards and imagining how adorable our babies would look? Whatever the case may be, we need to remember that it is not about playing hard to get but actually being hard to get. Occupy your time with things that bring you joy but whatever you do, I beg of you, do not sit around waiting for that guy/girl to call or text you. If they wanted to they would have, it’s really that simple.
- The “What are we?” Heartbreak: I remember indirectly asking this one guy “what are we?” and all I can say is, never again. It always seems like bad news for a lot of us women, I 10/10 would not recommend. If you even must ask, please run. State your intentions from the get-go if things are getting a bit more serious to prevent having these awkward conversations and to save your time. If there is one thing I have learnt, it is that if a guy is serious about you, you would not need to question it, unless deep down in your heart you know he is for the streets. In that case, package your heart in bubble wrap and run.
In summary, focus on yourself Queen. Whether you are single, in a talking stage or in a relationship, focus on yourself because problems no dey finish in this life and we do not need to add unnecessary heartbreak to it.
Your twenties although it can be challenging, is also supposed to be fun and a time for exploring parts of yourself so why not do just that? One piece of advice that I would give is to guard your heart and be sure not to overlook red flags because although some heartbreaks are inevitable, a lot of them can be avoided. If you are currently going through any form of heartbreak please remember to be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to cry and heal properly. After the storm always comes sunshine and more often than not, a rainbow.