The Single Girl Diaries is a series where we explore the many interesting, unfiltered stories and experiences of single girls everywhere. From the good times to the challenges, we’re here for all of it. The stories cover a wide range of topics, from dating and self-growth to matters of the heart and mind and everything else in between.
In this article, *Verity recounts how her trusted friend tried to set her up with her man. She reflects on the sequence of events, how they transpired, and her current relationship dynamic with her friend.
My Dating Life
My dating life was fun and whimsical. When this incident occurred, I was single but had a flourishing roster of men. I liked the men I was seeing; they were spoiling me real good, but I wasn’t ready to commit to them. I hadn’t ever had sex at the time, and I desperately craved the quintessential first time every girl wishes to have—with a man I consider “The One” in a room with a gorgeous view and aftercare that would take me to heaven.
When I resumed Uni in another country, I had to put away my roster. So, when I got to school, the romance in my life started to get a bit boring.
How I Met Funmilayo And Meji
I can’t remember when I met *Funmilayo, but I remember that we were in the same hostel. To me, she was beautiful and really smart. Her downside? She would always play Devil’s Advocate for men whenever we got into “feminist” arguments. That and the fact that she was super condescending during such arguments, acting like her “pick me” points came from a place of intelligence that I couldn’t relate to, which irked me a lot.
In retrospect, Funmi’s behaviour then should have been grounds to cut her off. The woman I am now will never be friends with a woman who is perpetually not on the side of other women.
There’s something else Funmi would do that I’ve realised could be a red flag. When it came to dating men, she was the ultimate chaser—she would perform the grandest gestures of love for men who didn’t deserve her AT ALL. Honestly, I wish her stupidity had not escaped me. Maybe if it had, our friendship wouldn’t have gotten to the point where she introduced me to her newest obsession, Meji.
Meji was an older guy; there was at least an 8-year gap between him, Funmi, and Me. As a 20-year-old babe, older guys were all the rave. I met him one night when Funmi called to see if I wanted to hang out with her and her new friend, Meji. I didn’t even think twice before agreeing. I was less busy, and most of the time, I enjoyed Funmi’s company. So, why not?
We all went out to eat, and it was a good time. We had similar hangouts a couple more times, and I became friends with Meji, who I considered Funmi’s unofficial boyfriend. However, things got a bit weird when Meji started texting me as if we were in some sort of talking stage —asking about my favourite things and whatnot.
He visited me at my hostel for the first time, apparently to say “hello,” but then requested we go out for dinner alone. “What about Funmilayo?” I asked, and he replied, “Does she need to know everything?” That was when I ghosted him. I didn’t tell Funmi about that interaction because I didn’t want to be the one to break her heart. Personally, from all she used to gist me about the guy and from what I had just witnessed, I felt she was going to realise he was scum eventually. Boy, was I wrong!
The Incident
I didn’t speak with Meji for a whole year after he came to visit me. Although Funmi occasionally mentioned his name, I barely asked for more details on her relationship with him. I honestly didn’t care.
One day, on one of those never-ending nights when you’re indoors and bored as f-ck, scrolling through a dry phone, Funmilayo called me and asked if I wanted to see a movie with her and Meji. I wanted to see a film that had just been released at the cinema, so I didn’t exactly decline. On our call, I hesitated, but she insisted that I would have “so much fun”. Thinking back, the way she emphasised “so much fun” was suggestive, but I didn’t think too much about it then.
She and Meji picked me up at about 8 pm, and even though we hadn’t spoken in a year, we maintained a friendly disposition. I informed them that whatever we were doing should end by 10 pm because that’s the time my hostel closes. They both agreed. Honestly, it seemed like they were just happy to have me there.
Here are a few things I noticed that seemed weird but are now much clearer. When we were all seated at the movies, Meji sent Funmi outside to restock our snacks, so he and I were alone in the dark cinema. I remember thinking that if I had a man and invited my friend to hang out with us, it would be my guy doing all the hard labour (e.g., picking up our snacks).
I was also praying that he wasn’t going to use Funmi’s absence to try and touch me inappropriately. Thankfully, he didn’t. The movie ended some minutes before 10 pm. I asked them to drop me off at my hostel, and Funmi insisted I sleep over at Meji’s rather than rush back to school. It didn’t seem like a bad idea. All I thought about was how Meji’s place would be more comfortable than my shabby hostel, so why not? Foolish me.
On our way to Meji’s house, Meji said we should stop at a bar for drinks. We got to the bar, and I ordered a cocktail. Meji did, too, but Funmi? Funmi said she didn’t feel like taking alcohol. Immediately, she said that I cancelled the order because I felt it would be weird to get tipsy if my friend wasn’t catching the cruise with me.
Funmi begged me to go ahead with my drink order, claiming my choice not to drink made her feel like a party pooper. I listened to her but kept it very demure by taking only a few sips when my drink arrived. We left the bar and continued to Meji’s house. He asked AGAIN that we stop for drinks. We stopped at another bar but decided to leave early because I vehemently refused to drink.
Finally, we arrived at Meji’s house. As soon as we got inside, Meji rolled up a blunt, but Funmi, who had quickly changed into her nightgown, asked to be excused so she could sleep. I thought smoking with her man alone would be awkward, so I told her that I wasn’t smoking if she wasn’t. She stayed for one or two drags, theatrically announced how tired she was, and then quickly retired to Meji’s room, leaving me alone with him.
The scent of Funmi’s perfume hadn’t even left the room when Meji suggested we try a peculiar smoking method. He asked me to take a drag and transfer the smoke directly into his mouth. LOL. That’s when I knew it was time to wrap things up. I casually told him I was tired and headed to the room assigned to me for the night.
About 10 minutes later, just as I was barely dressed and ready to sleep, I heard the door creak open. Even in the dark, I could tell it was Meji. My heart raced with fear as he climbed into bed next to me, pressing his hardness against me and attempting to kiss me. There are a million and one things you’d think to do, to deflect or angrily thwart such attention —but, for a solid minute, I was mute and in shock. I managed to whisper, “Stop,” reminding him that Funmi was in the other room and might hear us.
He brushed it off, saying, ‘Don’t worry, she won’t mind.’ Disgusted and furious, I found the strength to tell him to leave my room. Thankfully, he left immediately.
I barely slept that night. I just wanted to go home. The following day, Meji ignored me as I prepared to leave his place. My friend Funmi was extra loving and kind to me that morning. She seemed happy.
The Aftermath
When I got back to my hostel, I called my older sister to recount the details of the night before. While she was understandably concerned about my late-night shenanigans, she asked, ‘Verity, what if it was a setup?’ I quickly defended Funmilayo – there was no way she could have known what Meji had planned.
Funmilayo called me a few hours after I arrived at my hostel. This is how the conversation went:
Funmi: “Verity, I am considering taking my relationship with Meji to the next level. But I am not sure.”
Me: “Thank God you are asking me. Do what you want, but it’s important you know what Meji tried to do to me last night.” Then, I proceed to give a detailed recount of the evening.
Funmi: “Oh, I know.” I was shocked and flabbergasted at this point, but I patiently waited to understand what she meant before jumping into assumptions.
Me: “What do you mean you know?”
Funmi: “He told me he wanted to have a threesome, and I don’t partake in such things. So, he said he would like to do something with you since I technically haven’t had sex yet.”
Me: “But you know I’ve never had sex either. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Funmi: “Well, you’re an adult; I think you should be able to make your own decisions.”
I remember getting goosebumps all over because of the sheer betrayal and ending the call because I was speechless and stunned.
I can’t accurately describe how Funmi’s actions made me feel, but I can try. Disgust? Maybe it is because, girl, where is your shame? A man you like wants to sleep with your friend, and you still wonder if you should take things to the next level with him. I felt violated, like a serious mumu, because these people were playing games with me, and I was oblivious to it. But most of all, I felt betrayed, my trust broken by a woman I thought had my best interests at heart.
After that conversation, Funmi reached out to me months later because she noticed I had blocked her. Her reaching out led me to call her out on what she did, but she kept giving excuses upon excuses—zero accountability. I tried to forgive her, but how do you forgive someone who wouldn’t even admit what they did in the first place?
One day, it just ended – I stopped speaking to her. Months later, I heard she tried to sabotage one of her friend’s romantic relationships—basically, she liked the guy her friend was seeing. On other days, I think about the dangerous situation Funmi tried to put me in. What if I got so drunk and allowed Meji to have his way with me? Worse, what if Meji forced himself on me?
She was a dangerous “friend’ who didn’t deserve my kindness.
Names were changed for the sake of privacy*
