Spending the night at a guy’s place for the first time is equal parts exciting… and awkward. You’ve tested and approved his company in a public space, you’ve made it to his living room and maybe you’ve even made it into the confines of his bedroom. However, you haven’t spent the night yet. That’s a huge milestone in the relationship.
A request to spend the night at his place indicates that he trusts and likes you enough to share his personal space with you. And if you give him a positive response, it means you’re willing to leave the comfort that you are used to (your own bedroom) to experience him in a vulnerable state—yes, vulnerable, because, in our rooms, we don’t have to pretend to be anyone but ourselves. Your decision to spend the night with him also means you trust him enough to cater to your needs in an unfamiliar environment. Sleeping over requires a level of transparency that isn’t present in public dates.
I think most women will agree that spending the night in a man’s house for the very first time is mostly anxiety-inducing. There are many questions that flood our minds before we agree to do it, some are of genuine concern, while others are just silly. However, all are valid. You may be wondering: What do I need to bring along? Does he snore? Will he kill me while I’m sleeping? What if he tries kissing me before he brushes his teeth? What time is too early to leave? What time is too late to say I’m going home? If he shares an apartment, how friendly should I be with his housemates?
We’ve all been there and if this is your first time, we’ve put together this guide; consisting of all the basic info you’ll likely need whenever you’re spending the whole night at the house of a guy you like. But first, you need to decide if you should be going to this guy’s house.

When to Say “Yes” to Spending the Night
You may be wondering if it’s too soon or if it’s the perfect time to spend the night at a man’s house. Well, you need to take your time to weigh your decision carefully. Spending the night comes with the sweet transition from casual dating to an intimate connection, hence, there are pertinent questions you must ask yourself when making the decision.
Does He Make Me Feel Safe and Respected in His Presence?
It’s essential that when you’re with him, you feel a strong sense of security. This transcends physical safety. Consider whether this person makes you feel emotionally secure—Does he respect you as a person with full body autonomy and a capacity to form valuable opinions? Does he listen to your concerns and make the effort to address them effectively? If your answer is anything but yes, it’s best to stay at home to avoid stories that touch.
How Comfortable Do I Feel When I’m Alone With Him?
Think about the times you’ve been completely alone with him. Could you be yourself around him or were you putting up a performance? Did you find yourself doing things not because you wanted to but because you wanted to please him? Were silences more awkward than comfortable? Was your gut instinct telling you that something is off with this guy? Remember you will be spending an extended amount of hours with him, so listen to how your body feels around him, the last thing you want is feeling pressure all through your stay.
Am I Ready to See and Accept the Less Sophisticated Side of Him?
We’re talking crusty eyes, messy hair, morning breath, a puddle of drool on his pillow, snoring sounds, etc. There will be icks as well as habits he normally won’t put on display. Are you ready to discover them?
How Do We Handle Conflicts and Disagreements?
Think about your fights. Has he ever been mean and unkind? Stories of women being sent out of their partner’s house in the middle of the night, and worse, stories of women being killed, because of a disagreement are too common. You don’t want that to be you.
Sleeping Over at a Guy’s House 101
Disclose Your Whereabouts to a Loved One
First things first, tell a family member or friend that you’re spending the night at this guy’s house. Go further by sharing essential information like his name, phone number and address (where the both of you will be staying). Your safety is your top-most priority so sharing your live location with someone you trust isn’t doing too much. It’s simply putting yourself first. As a woman living in this world, you can never be too safe.
Ensure You’re Both Clear on What Sleeping Over Entails
Misaligned expectations not only spur feelings of disappointment from both sides, but they often put you in a dangerous situation. Most men will creepily assume that agreeing to a sleepover automatically means that sexual intercourse will occur.
You must make it clear what he should or shouldn’t expect from you. If after having that conversation with him, he doesn’t irrevocably accept the boundaries you have set, the best thing you can do for yourself is to stay in your own house. Else, he will likely end up begging for a crumb of p-ssy all night, talking your ears off with “please please please” or “just the tip”. Worse, the night with him may get more sinister, ending with him trying to assault you.
Sadly, a rapist will still rape, even if he agreed to respect your boundaries. However, you must carry out due diligence and advocate for your safety and autonomy by ensuring you both are on the same page about what sleeping over means.
Bring Cash
Please, your ATM card does not count. Physical cash is what you need (A.K.A vex money). Having cash at hand is not only convenient but also instils a solid sense of security. You may need the money to purchase unplanned items, like sanitary pads (imagine there is no supermarket near his house but just the friendly neighbourhood mallam with no e-payment method).
More importantly, imagine if he starts to move mad before the sun rises and you need to get out of there, but you can’t pay for a cab because your network is trash. Having physical cash will save you in times like this—you won’t have to spend an extra minute in a place where you’re made to feel uncomfortable because you can easily access your vex money.
Pack a Small Bag
Emphasis on small oh. If you show up at his house with an entire suitcase, you will scare him into thinking you are moving in. Let’s make a checklist of what should go into your small bag:
- A toothbrush—if you discover he has extras for you already, congratulate him on successfully winning adulthood.
- Tampons/Pads—because what’s worse than getting your period on someone’s bed in the middle of the night and not being able to do anything about it?
- A change of clothes and underwear— If you arrive at his place in dressy clothes (maybe you guys had a date planned), do yourself a favour by throwing in a clean pair of undies and fresh day clothes. This simple move can elegantly transform the next morning’s walk of shame into a march of pride when leaving his place and getting a taxi back to yours.
- Makeup remover and moisturizer —Unless you want to mark your territory by leaving makeup stains on his pillow case, not a great idea. Waking up with a supple, makeup-free face sounds way better.
- Phone charger— Imagine this: you’re enjoying scrolling through your phone (maybe updating the group chat on what’s been happening), then you realize your phone’s battery is dying, and he doesn’t have the right charger for your phone. That sucks, right?
Make Arrangements for Your Comfort
Seeing as you will be spending a significant amount of time in an unfamiliar environment, it’s a great idea to bring objects that soothe you and make you feel at ease, like your favourite scented candle or pillow.
In addition, for those moments you don’t have anything to say or do’ (*wink wink*) to each other, plan for it by bringing a book along or downloading your favourite movie, show or podcast episode.
Lastly, maybe you should reconsider that sexy lingerie you want to sleep in. Sure, it looks bomb af, but will you sleep comfortably with a string lodged deep in the crevice between your butt cheeks? If your answer is no, choose balance and opt for something cute but comfy.
Be Polite to His Flatmates
If he shares a space with other people (because the housing crisis is alive and thriving), the least you can do is be courteous. They likely already know what’s up when their flatmate brings a girl to stay the night, so there’s no need to be shy, okay?
Also, remember not to be too loud in the other room. His roommates may already know what may go down, but kindly spare them an actual audio proof.
Don’t Overstay Your Welcome
No one likes a person who doesn’t know when to leave. Even if the guy is free for the rest of the day, don’t linger around unless he explicitly requests you stay. Skip the awkwardness of forcing him to make up an excuse for you to leave his house. And if he doesn’t ask you to stay longer, don’t feel bad, he isn’t used to you sleeping over, and he may need his own space, just like anyone else.
As a Pro-Tip, because this happens more often than we think…
If you go over to this guy’s place, and it is untidy, the only right thing to do, is leave. That is not the right time to prove that you’re wife material. A full-grown adult asking you to leave the comfort of your home to come into a messy space does not respect you.

Most importantly, make sure you have fun! Sleepovers’ with a love interest should be a *good time*. It’s an opportunity to test your compatibility with your partner in a more personal and intimate environment, which is pivotal for any growing relationship. Relish the little moments, from cuddles and pillow talk to midnight shenanigans and getting breakfast together. Approach the night with him with a relaxed attitude and an open mind to make the most of your special time together.