The Single Girl Diaries: I Can't Help Myself, I Love Drama And Toxic Men

The Single Girl Diaries is a series where we explore the many interesting, unfiltered stories and experiences of Single girl’s everywhere. From the fun times to the hard times, we want to hear all about it! The stories range from experiences with sex and dating, money, self improvement, career and sexual health.

In this article, we spoke with *Miriam who opened up about the dramatic events that occurred in her toxic relationship with *Bamidele. She talks about how they met, how he became controlling and narcissistic, and how despite their ups and downs, they still remain together, even though she is technically single and seeing other people.

I have come to realize that I have a thing for toxic people. I said ‘people’ because even outside of relationships, my friends are toxic and yet, I still love and accommodate their ugly behaviors.

With romantic relationships, I can’t even help myself. I love the fights, the arguments, and most of all I love the make up sex.

I have always been with men who sort of treat me badly. And before anyone goes on a rant about how I don’t know my worth, I do. I just happen to love relationships that are filled with drama. In my opinion, drama is what keeps the spark alive, and what keeps you on your toes, not love.

I met *Bamidele sometime in October, 2020. He slid into my DMs and came in with the right energy. We talked everyday for months until we finally became exclusive. He treated me well at the start. He would send me monthly allowances, plan trips for us and he was just generally a sweet guy.

After about 4 months of dating, his true colors started to show. When I tell you I have never met a more controlling or narcissistic man. Lagos men are really something.

He became overly protective and it got to a point were he wasn’t comfortable with me going anywhere without him or his driver. Whenever Bami couldn’t take me somewhere himself, he would send his driver. The day I got to find out that he had a tracker on his drivers phone was the day I lost my mind. During this period, he would also do impulsive things like show up to places where I was, unannounced. He would show up to parties, shoots and even my workplace without informing me. One day, he brought all my things to my job (we lived together.) He put everything from my clothes, to my underwear, to my toiletries in one of those black dustbin bags, brought it to my office, dropped it at the reception and left.

I had never been more embarrassed and that same night, I got to his house with more of my things scattered across his compound. Do you know what his issue was? That I was embarrassing him by airing our dirty laundry to the public, so he was literally going to do the same. He had asked to read my DMs on Instagram shortly before this happened, and of course I declined. Just for me to find out a few weeks later that he had my social media passwords. He even told me himself because he referenced to a chat between me and a friend, where I was complaining about his attitude/behaviour.

The stunt he pulled at my office got me very angry and so I broke off the relationship (it was all for show, I really just wanted him to beg me.) This was also the same day that he really showed me how crazy he was. He started manipulating and threatening me with leaking our sex tape, my nudes I had sent him, and even threatened to commit suicide.

The suicide part triggered me because I don’t joke with mental health, most especially because I had a male friend that killed himself.

We eventually sorted things out and I took him back even though I wasn’t fully committed anymore because his behaviour was starting to irritate me, and I just felt like I didn’t have my freedom. When it wasn’t like we were married, and even IF we were married, how will you be tracking my movements through your drivers phone? Although I never confirmed it, I am certain he had a tracker on my phone also.

So because I wasn’t fully invested in the relationship anymore, I started to cheat. I basically had like one foot in and one foot out, but I still loved Bami. I just needed a break.

I met Kamil on Instagram as well. He had been in my DMs for so long, I had just decided to entertain him because I was actually bored (please don’t judge me, I know we all do it.)

We met up for lunch one day and it went really well. He was a gentleman but had this “mysterious” thing going on that seemed to turn me on. We had sex in the restaurant bathroom that day and I STUPIDLY let him cum in me, but thankfully remembered to take an emergency contraceptive.

About two days later, after having sex with Bami, he made a comment about how I “felt” different. I wasn’t sure what he meant although I was CRAZY PARANOID because he wasn’t okay in the head, and I didn’t want him to do anything silly. I kept insisting that I didn’t understand what he meant, but he also kept insisting that I just “felt different.”

Fast forward, I was 4 days late. I don’t know if it was the fear of being pregnant and unsure who the father was or just my hormones playing with me, but I informed Bami that I was late and I don’t know what mathematics this man did but he somehow came to the conclusion that I had been cheating on him.

Bami and I have always had unprotected sex, and although I wasn’t on any birth control, his pull out game was strong. So there I was trying to convince him that I could be pregnant from his pre cum, or from one of our drunk nights where he came in me, but he didn’t buy it.

We argued from about 10pm to 2am until I finally admitted to cheating on him. At this point, I was done with him and I really didn’t care how he was going to react. There was nothing he didn’t call me. He threw out ALL my clothes, broke all my makeup/beauty products, broke my phone, and shattered everything breakable that I owned.

Then would you believe that after all his drama, he told me that he had also been cheating on me, so it was good I was doing the same. I don’t know what happened, but hearing him say that really messed with my head. I then did the same thing he did. I broke everything breakable that he owned and believe it or not, the night ended with us having great sex.

I eventually got my period. I think the plan B pill caused it to come late, and although we have our issues, I really do love Bami. We have been on and off nonstop, and although I’m a single girl at the moment, we’re sort of still together.

*Names have been changed

[Editor’s note: 21 Mag does not condone, support or glamorize toxic or abusive relationships. The information and opinions expressed in this article is solely that of the individual who contributed and doesn’t necessarily represent the policies of The 21 Magazine.]

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