The Single Girl Diaries is a series where we explore the many interesting, unfiltered stories and experiences of single girls everywhere. From the good times to the challenges, we’re here for all of it. The stories cover a wide range of topics, from dating and self growth to matters of the heart and mind, and everything else in between.
In this article, *Anjiola recounts her journey of living with HPV, along with her successful recovery from Gonorrhoea and Chlamydia. She reflects on the circumstances that led to her diagnosis, her present experiences with dating, and more.
“My name is *Anjiola. I’m 21 years old and I’m currently living with HPV (Human papillomavirus). I also recently got cured of gonorrhoea and chlamydia. My story revolves around the circumstances surrounding how I got infected with three Sexually Transmitted infections (STIs), lost someone who was good to me and why I believe I played a significant role in what happened. The circumstances leading up to this are still kind of traumatic for me, even though I found out about five months ago. I’d blame it on naivety and nonchalance that I probably never could have imagined getting infected, considering I think of myself as a very smart person”.
My Dating Life
Let me give you a full picture of who I was last year. My experiences during that time have totally changed the way I see life. It’s safe to say 2023 has been a game-changer for me. That year, I was all about living life with a “go with the flow” attitude. To make it simple, I was pretty naive and didn’t know much.
I met *AJ sometime around May 2022. I was 20 years old and only just started having sex, earlier that year. A week after Aj and I started talking, we decided to meet up for the first time at his house. We’d been having incredibly steamy conversations on WhatsApp, so I went there with the intent of having sex with him. I got to his place all hot and bothered but unfortunately, we had to hurry as there was a situation at home. We decided to get down as quickly as possible. There were no condoms involved and thinking about it, I realize how careless I was in that situation. I was so careless! That was the first of more regrets to come. I left his house and after that day we made plans to see again the following week.
Before meeting AJ, I’d only ever had sex twice, with my first boyfriend, who took my virginity. The second time AJ and I met up, we had sex again. This time with a condom. I found out afterwards that I had a latex problem. My naive self told him, and he said he preferred it raw. He convinced me that it would feel better and he would enjoy it more. Subsequent times after I caved, we had sex with no form of protection. I had to end things later on when I found out he was a serial gaslighter and manipulator.
A month later, I met *Sesan. Sesan was more careful and he made sure we never had sex without condoms. We decided to just be friends with benefits as I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone. Sometime around December that year, I started itching really bad. It started out as a normal itch, and over time, it worsened. I also started finding strange coloured discharge on my underwear. It was green and had a foul fishy odour. It was so bad that the smell became obvious at a point. Yet, I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t even think it could be an STI. Not even with the sharp pain rippling through my stomach. I thought I had typhoid or a yeast infection. I ended up going to the pharmacy to explain what was going on and the pharmacist gave me medications which turned out to be yeast infection drugs. It worked and the itching stopped. My pH balance also returned to normal. This was early January 2023. After the itching and other symptoms stopped, I was certain I was cured.
I ended up breaking up with Sesan because I’d met someone else. In the time leading up to the period I first met *Drae, I remember that I kept on complaining about the sharp pain in my tummy. One time it was so bad, I couldn’t walk. I thought it was the usual food poisoning in school, imagine how careless I was being. There were symptoms. I just didn’t want to see them.
I met Drae sometime in mid-January this year, at his birthday party. This was two weeks before I was diagnosed and we hit it off from there. The third time we had sex was when I first noticed the genital warts. I let him know and he apologized to me profusely. He was really sorry about the whole ordeal and told me to go to the clinic as soon as possible. He said he’d sort everything relating to the bill out. He assumed he was the one who infected me so he wanted to help.
I was diagnosed on February 9th 2023. To be honest, I was shocked and along the line I became scared. I remember walking into the clinic that morning thinking it was probably not anything serious. That was before the doctor informed me that the results of the tests I took were out and I had tested positive for the low-strain HPV which resulted in genital warts.
In that period, I really just wanted to know if there was a solution until the doctor said I’d probably be living with it for the next two years. My first thought was how could I have been so careless? I remember crying in the hospital room because I didn’t know what and how to feel and I couldn’t stop crying. Mostly because I was in pain but also because I felt ashamed of myself. I had always thought it could never happen to me, that I was too smart, but it did.
After the HPV diagnosis, they made me run a full general test. That’s how I found out that in addition to HPV, I also had gonorrhoea and chlamydia.
It wasn’t until after I got the other diagnosis for chlamydia and gonorrhoea that Drae decided to get tested. He found out he was clean. We both realized he wasn’t the one that infected me. Get this though; even after finding out, he still went ahead and took care of everything relating to the payment of the drugs and the treatment in general. He was the one who helped me because there was no way I could have paid those bills myself. He did it without complaining and he’s someone that I’m really grateful to. I will always be grateful.
Life After Diagnosis
Describing how I felt after I got my diagnosis and in the following days, is difficult. It’s like being lost in a vast, desolate space. I felt alone, profoundly alone. There was no one to confide in about what I was enduring. I had the weight of my academic responsibilities and the tormenting symptoms of my infections to bear. I couldn’t walk, and nights were endless with thoughts about my situation gnawing at me.
It was undoubtedly the most distressing phase of my life. I shed a lot of weight, hardly eating, and tears were a constant companion. Shame washed over me, lingering for months. I recall vividly how, on Valentine’s Day this year, while everyone was celebrating, I was on my way to the hospital for my injections. To top it off, I was living in a school hostel. I had to pretend. I believed that if my roommates knew about my condition, they would judge me, so I had to put on a mask.
As the days passed, sadness enveloped me. I hesitate to say “depressed” because I was never clinically diagnosed as such. Yet, the sadness was unrelenting. It was a heavy burden to carry. I grappled with questions about how I contracted the virus and the choices I made, which took a toll on my mental well-being.
I was drowning in shame. I allowed the situation to define me, and my self-esteem plummeted. I convinced myself that I couldn’t disclose my HPV diagnosis to someone I loved, believing they’d abandon me. It was a profoundly disheartening period. Even when the dust settled, I continued to grapple with a sense of inadequacy. I withdrew from the world, becoming reclusive, and reluctant to engage with anyone. Emotionally, I felt adrift and entirely alone.
If you’re a Single girl and you have a story you would like to share that falls under either of these categories; sex and dating, self-improvement, mental health and sexual health, click here.
Support System
I had a roommate from the previous year who later became a close friend. We both lived in the hostel this year. She was also the friend I took to Drae’s party where we first met. When my symptoms first appeared, she was out of town. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her at the time. However, when she returned a week later, she immediately noticed the drastic weight loss and my deteriorating eating habits. One night, she texted me, expressing her concern about my well-being. We were in the same room, and I felt compelled to confide in her right then and there.
Sharing the truth was challenging, and she was as shocked as I was. Nevertheless, this same friend stood by me then and continues to do so. During my treatment, I faced a financial setback due to the economic situation and surging Uber prices. I needed to visit the hospital daily for injections, and she was there to help. She was the only person I felt truly understood what I was going through. Her presence eased my burden to some extent.
My second friend found out two weeks later. I was at her hostel when I suddenly began shivering uncontrollably, and the pain returned, making it impossible for me to walk. I had to confide in her about my condition, and that’s how they both came to know. I won’t say she treated me differently, but our friendship encountered some issues. It seemed the source of our disagreements was the fact that, after discovering my diagnosis and clarifying that he wasn’t infected, Drae wanted some time to think. She accused him of being insensitive and blamed him for everything. I tried to help her see why it was okay for him to need time, but we couldn’t see eye to eye. This disagreement strained our friendship, even though there were many factors at play. Eventually, she moved past it.
Dating After Diagnosis
The first three months after the whole diagnosis and treatment, I was depressed. I wasn’t going out much and I wasn’t meeting people. At that point, I was also trying to find answers. I was reaching out to my two partners before Drae to warn them of my diagnosis. I eventually found out that my ex-boyfriend, AJ, was the one who transmitted the infections to me. Despite being aware of his own diagnosis, he chose to keep it a secret. He justified not informing me by claiming that he assumed I would have figured it out, since I “obviously didn’t reach out to him”.
I had never felt so betrayed in my entire life. I decided I wasn’t going to date anyone for a while and yes, I might have been cured of the other infections but I still had HPV and that was enough reason for me not to see anyone.
I met someone sometime around June. The guilt eats me up that I still can’t tell him that I have HPV. When it comes to sharing my HPV diagnosis with a potential partner, it’s a complex inner battle. A part of me anticipates rejection, fearing they’ll perceive me as a reckless individual who engaged in risky behaviours, leading to the infection. The other part of me is more optimistic, believing that they might empathize with my experience and stay. The truth is, it’s easy to imagine that they’d walk away at the earliest opportunity.
I haven’t let things get further than friendship. And it’s been so hard not being able to talk about it with him. Particularly because I’m scared he’ll leave or he won’t understand. It has been very hard keeping that one thing from him. My dating life hasn’t really changed much because as I said, I’ve decided not to explore. It’s been more of me really wanting to beat this thing so I can have a life with no secrets. I think I’m ready to risk it by taking that bold step of telling him. I think it’s very important for your partner to know. I mean whoever will stay will stay, and whoever wants to leave will leave.
Also, I wasn’t able to have sex for months after the whole diagnosis as I was very scared that I would possibly get infected again. So I shied away from it. I guess I was traumatized and the thought of it happening again made me distance myself from the dating pool.
My advice to other young women to help them protect their sexual health and make informed decisions in relationships is;
- Get vaccinated.
- Go for routine checkups as a sexually active woman.
- Never let any man manipulate you into having sex without condoms.
- Do not ignore signs or symptoms of any illness in your body.
- Lastly, it’s okay to make mistakes. Learning from it and choosing not to allow it define your life and your future is definitely a step to everything getting better.
Going through something like this changes you. Or at least it changed me. I’ve learnt to have more safe sex. I was very naive back then and was having a lot of sex without protection and this has taught me a lot about sexual health. This experience made me realize there’s still a whole lot to life that I haven’t even explored. I mean, my life flashed before my eyes while I was sick. It’s made me appreciate life more and not take everything for granted. To be honest, I wouldn’t say the experience changed me but it helped me to become a better person really.
I hope that in the next few years, this experience will be something short of a memory. And that I’d be HPV-free. In terms of relationships, I hope that one day I’ll be able to say my truth without being scared and without being judged. Only understood.
If you’re experiencing this, just live your life. And be happy. It’ll be hard, particularly because you’ll feel the need to blame yourself but it’s not your fault. It’s just life being life. As I said earlier, HPV is not a death sentence. However you take your diagnosis will determine what you make of your life. And love yourself because self-love will strengthen you in ways no other kind of love will. And lastly, get a strong support system.
*Names have been changed
If you’re a Single girl and you have a story you would like to share that falls under either of these categories; sex and dating, self-improvement, mental health and sexual health, click here.
