We’ve all imagined what it would be like to be married, we’ve also all imagined what it’d be like to be filthy rich, one thing these things have in common is that they don’t come with lessons, adulthood is kind of all about winging it; I mean we go through school studying our asses off then enter into the real world and it dawns on us we’ve learnt all there is except for how to really survive in life.
If a lot of us were to go on what we witnessed growing up as what an ideal marriage should be or look like, then I think the prospect of marriage would be one of fear and anxiety for most of us. We’re all trying to write ourselves a beautiful and fairytale like future, one of unending happiness, success and of course perfect marriages, so I thought some advice might help with our futuristic storytelling, here’s what 8 married individuals had to chip in about marriage.
Anna ǁ Female ǁ 25
I know this might sound cliché, but like any other woman, I wanted what I couldn’t really get; a 6-foot-tall man with muscles the size of Olumo rock, and a seven digit plus bank balance. I was somewhat fooling myself though, I later came to realize that all that didn’t really matter. My present husband is far from all my expectations (ok may be not too far sha, at least he’s 5’9 and his bank balance is seven plus digits but you see that 6 packs… well let’s just say a pack is enough.)
I’ve learnt from other peoples experiences that it’s not one’s physical attributes that matters but one’s heart and spirituality, it’s important to find a partner who is in line with whatever you believe in.
My marriage is a year old; some might say we’re still in the honeymoon stage, anyways I think our marriage this far is quite healthy. I feel a healthy marriage takes honesty, love, understanding and trust. If I could wind back time, I won’t change a thing, maybe I’d work on myself more but I don’t regret a thing about my marriage.
I advise anyone looking to get married to find you a person who *really* loves you.
John ǁ Male ǁ 33
Before I tied the knot, I weighed two things; her character and if she truly loved me. I’ve been married for less than a year but I can say my marriage is healthy. It takes tolerance, patience and understanding to sustain a marriage. The fact that both parties don’t reason and see things the same way all the time must always be considered. Forgiveness is a must and love is what keeps things alive.
I don’t regret a thing about my marriage and a lot of people may say it’s too early to acclaim that but I’ve seen marriages that collapsed in six months and partners who lost interest in shorter time frames, so I’m confident in my marriage. I advise every man looking to get married to make a choice between what you desire in a woman and what you really want in a wife because beauty might fade after some years and after having kids, but it’s the character that keeps things alive.
Temi ǁ Female ǁ 30
Two things I considered before I got married were whether or not my feelings were real or true for my partner and what a possible future would be like with him. Could he cope with a woman who deals with depression and anxiety?
My marriage was unhealthy and that is why we’ve separated and decided to date until we can truly see one another for who we truly are. A healthy marriage isn’t just built on love and financial stability but trust, honesty and transparency, all the things my marriage lacked.
I was married for 3 and a half years and if I could go back in time, I would’ve dated my husband for a little longer and deeply analyzed whether the marriage was what I truly wanted. For anyone looking to get married, please take your time, learn as much as you can about one another before making that decision, be sure the person can add to your growth and vice versa and always remember that trust, honesty and transparency is free, so why shouldn’t you receive it?
Funsho ǁ Male ǁ 43
I thought about whether my wife truly loved me and how strong her faith was before I got married to her. I’ve been married for five years and although we have our civil wars occasionally, we’ve learnt to work it out before it eats into us, I’d say my marriage is healthy and it takes understanding and love to sustain a marriage.
When it comes to marriage, you must be ready to learn, unlearn and relearn – know this and know peace. If I could do anything differently before I got married, I’d have focused more on preparing myself to be a good husband and father, these things really don’t just come to you.
Iggy ǁ Female ǁ 29
Before I got married, I considered my emotional compatibility with my spouse and his relationship with God. A healthy marriage is one where both parties agree that they are in equal service to each other, where there’s communication, where the needs of your spouse are put above your own needs and where there’s trust. I consider my marriage to be a healthy one.
I’ve been married for 3 years and if there’s one thing I wish I did differently before I got married, it would be working on myself emotionally. Thankfully my husband is super patient despite my tendencies to get on his nerves a lot lol.
My advice to anyone looking to get married is, take your time because marriage should be till eternity, it’s not a sprint but a marathon, don’t get married because others are doing it or you’re feeling pressured. You have nothing to lose when you wait for the right person. Trust God’s plan for your life.
Toyin ǁ Female ǁ 23
Money and love were my considerations before I got married. I’d describe my marriage as healthy, I think a healthy marriage takes trust. I’ve been married for four years and if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have gotten married.
My piece of advice to anyone looking to tie the knot is, anything you can’t handle while you are dating, don’t think you can change it when you get married.
Titus ǁ Male ǁ 35
Well, I’m a devoted Christian so two things I weighed before I asked my woman to be my wife was whether she was God fearing and selfless. I’ve been married for a year plus and so far, it’s all been good. I can say my marriage is healthy, a healthy marriage takes two selfless and God-fearing parties.
If I could turn back time, I’d have not just prepared myself mentally to marry but spiritually, I would’ve fasted and prayed with my spouse. To anyone looking to get married, my advice to you is to learn how to look beyond yourself and work on your relationship with God.
Eva ǁ Female ǁ 31
Faith and if we could pursue individual goals were what I considered before I married my husband. I’ve been married for two years and so far, I can say my marriage is healthy, a healthy marriage takes two friends making decisions to make their marriage work, it also takes putting one’s needs aside to ensure the other becomes the best version of themselves.
I don’t regret anything about my marriage, I advise anyone who wants to get married to put much though into their decision, make sure they’re tying the knot for the right reasons.
*some names have been changed.
Welp. I don’t know about you, but I think I have a lot of things to tweak under the marriage chapter of my future life and I hope this article was helpful!