I have an unpopular opinion regarding sleeping with someone who has a partner. While some people see it as taboo, I actually have no problem with it, as long as I have no relationship with said partner. Sorry, not sorry. Some months ago, someone on Twitter NG started a conversation regarding the onus placed on single women to reject the advances of married men. I browsed the comment section and quotes genuinely hoping to find insightful responses but all I saw were people dunking on and insulting her. Apparently, it’s just bad; if you know a man has a girlfriend or wife you should steer clear and not ruin someone else’s relationship. That is emotional blackmail and I honestly don’t find it enough of a reason. We have to agree that our moral values are different and individual. And like she said, the obligation to be loyal is on people in monogamous relationships. It is not the work of strangers to do this for them.
On the other hand, Nigerian men are known for their good games and hiding their dirty secrets. Oftentimes, the realization that you are not their only lover comes when you are neck deep in the relationship. Even worse, you realize you are simply the side chick in the entire arrangement and this hurts even more. For the 6 women in this article, it goes both ways.
There was this guy who was on my neck for a long time. At a point, he added pressure and coincidentally, it was around the same time I had just gotten out of a bad relationship, so I decided to give him a try. He lived outside Lagos so I traveled out of Lagos with my best friend to see him.
Throughout the relationship he was extremely sweet and loving, until I realized that he was hiding things from me – he wouldn’t let me be with his phone or check his messages. One day while I was with him, his girlfriend came to the house. Having suspected him of cheating for a while, she decided to pay him a surprise visit – to catch him. She asked me who I was and I replied that I am his girlfriend and also asked who she was. She answered that she’s his girlfriend and that they have been dating for years.
She threatened to beat me up if I didn’t leave but I insisted that I wasn’t leaving and if she had anyone to beat up, it should be her boyfriend who was dating both of us at the same time. All this while, I was relaxing on the bed watching the drama unfold. After crying for a while, she got tired of her antics and left angrily.
She came back the following morning as early as 6am crying in the living room, so I told OUR boyfriend to choose who he wanted right there in our presence and he chose me, or so it seemed.
Long story short, two weeks later, I found out they were back together and I broke up with him. While I am grateful for the experience – it helped me uncover the truth – seeing the other lady cry made me feel terrible.
It was with a guy I met on Tinder. We had great chemistry and went on a date. On the third date, he told me he was in a relationship but it was a long distance one. I still continued to see him because I had already liked him and to be honest, I wasn’t looking for anything serious myself.
It was an amazing experience. The sex was great, the conversations were amazing and he treated me with the utmost respect. It had to end eventually due to life changes but I am glad I met him. He made me realize that high standards weren’t so high for those who could meet them. Now we are friends. It was such a drama free arrangement and I’d be totally down for another of such.
One day, while in school, I saw this really handsome guy who was exactly my spec so I asked questions about him. Some people said he was in a relationship while others said he was single, so I decided to hear it directly from the horse’s mouth. Turned out we had mutuals so it was easy to connect with him. When I asked him about his relationship status, he claimed he was single. During another conversation, he mentioned that despite being in a relationship, things were shaky between him and his partner. It was easier for me to believe him – I already had feelings for him.
It was a hectic relationship. I couldn’t show up when I wanted and felt empty and lost throughout the entire thing. The guilt from hurting the other girl didn’t help as well. Omo, it was a lot. There was nothing enjoyable about it; I would not recommend.
Since we are friends, I’ve always known he has a girlfriend. He’s been hurt in the past for being faithful so he says he’s never putting all his eggs in one basket. When he proposed the arrangement, I initially declined but he refused to back down so I eventually agreed to be his side chick and remain in the background.
The relationship is generally chill because I can do whatever I want and go out with whomever I like, and he can’t complain since he has a girlfriend. It’s always funny watching him trying to share himself and his time between us. I really love that I can see whoever I want and still command his full attention when I desire. See, if you can’t find an ideal relationship, join someone else’s. The space will contain the three of you.
Nonetheless, I feel bad whenever I see his girlfriend. On one occasion, we had sex at midnight then she came over during the day. I was perplexed by how he could be with me just a few hours before and yet bore no visible guilt when he saw her. On another occassion, I saw her in the house in the evening of the same day we had sex in the morning. The guilt kills me. It would be so much easier if I never met her or wasn’t anywhere close to her.
To the best of my knowledge I was in a monogamous relationship, until I discovered I was in fact the other woman. I should have guessed because he never had my time and when I raised concerns, he blamed it on his busy job. The man was clearly busy living a double life. I ended things with him the day I found out.
I am currently my neighbour’s side chick. We started having sex before I found out he has a girlfriend abroad. I am already too attached and find it hard to cut things off with him. Despite the amazing sex, I hate that I can’t be angry or offended when he is talking to other women; after all, I’m not his girlfriend.
Some responses have been edited and condensed for clarity.