Raise your hands if you’ve ever been involved in a FWB situation.
okay sis, I see you!
‘Friends With Benefits’ relationships definitely need a handbook. There are way too many things that are obscure and need clear defining. If I had equipped myself with a FWB rulebook when I had mine, I would have flourished. Instead, I had my stupid heart broken.
Its all fun and games with your designated fuck buddy until one of you starts messing with the rules. You see, everybody likes to pretend that they are mature enough to be in a Friends With Benefits relationship and truthfully, some of you freaks are.
The gag is, most of us are lying to ourselves. Yes baby girl, you and me both. I can’t form.
I always like to think that I’m a bad bitch and its a real hot girl situation with me, but really, its all packaging.
I don’t know why I thought I could be the champ in a FWB situation, I am way too emotional. I am probably destined to be single all my life because real relationships seem to elude me.
Read: 5 Thoughts You Have When You’re the Only Single Person in Your Friendship Group
Something else to note is; a FWB arrangement is not a Situationship. It’s not a “we’re sleeping together, what are we?” situation, situationships are unhealthy, FWB is not.
So, if you don’t want to end up like me, here are a few rules and guidelines to on how to have a healthy sexual relationship with a friend, because when done right, it can last even longer than a relationship.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS 101: THE HANDBOOK
Rule #1:
Lay Out All The Terms
This will help you further in the relationship, trust me. You don’t have to draw up a contract, but you both have to agree on specifics.
Agree on certain rules:
- How long do you want the (casual) relationship to last?
- Where do you draw the line?
- Set expectations and be clear on them.
- The ‘friends’ part is crucial. Sure, you’re sleeping together but it’s also important to be friends.
- No cuddling and sleep overs!
- No drama whatsoever.
- Be honest with each other, always. No forming allowed. What’s the point in that?
- Be open to trying new things and be experimental during sex. That’s the point of the arrangement tbh, explore and have fun!
- No clinginess and jealousy, and so much more depending on what you both want.
You don’t want to be riddled with confusion when certain things come up. Imagine how awkward it will be if he/she doesn’t want to cuddle and you’re stretching your arms across their chest. Um, oops.
Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if you thought you could stay the night after one hot session and he/she is expecting you to bounce?
I am well aware that most men are afraid of their feelings and would rather die than talk specifics, but don’t let that stop you from communicating. Set the rules!
These things have to be discussed. Cover every area. Protect yourself. Do not leave anything to chance.
Rule #2
Don’t Catch Feelings
This should be rule #1 honestly. If you know deep within yourself that you catch feelings fast, please don’t get into a FWB or casual relationship. The whole point of the relationship is to be casual and friendly without burdening yourself with the responsibilities of an actual relationship.
Don’t put yourself in that situation, or start sending heart shaped emojis and emotional texts. Wake up!
If you know you cannot detach your feelings from sex, then this relationship is not for you.
It is a purely physical act, It really is just sex.
Why are you trying to hold her hands in public? Are you trying to toy with her? This is why I said lay out all the terms.
To curtail the emotions your heart may want to play on you (because truly, the heart wants what it wants), FWB should not last for years, keep it simple and short; a couple of months, maybe three. Anything longer than that and you’re expected to buy him a PS5 and meet his family.
Rule #3
Use Protection!
Safe, healthy sex is a must, always.
In a bid to prevent “the unwanted” and awkward STD talks, just practice safe sex. FWB or not, it is important to use protection. Yes you’re having sex with a friend and you have established a baseline of trust, yes you are both consenting adults but please, be responsible.
Practice safe sex.
Rule #4
Respect Your Friend
It is easy to get the lines blurred when you’re in a casual relationship. Remember that the other person isn’t just a human being, but your friend.
Treat him/her with respect, always.
Just because you’re f-buddies doesn’t mean you become emotionless and detached. Don’t be rude, harsh or difficult to talk to. Establish a clear line of communication so that ideas can flow freely and conflicts can be addressed openly. Just think of them as a friend, because that’s what they are. Well, a friend that’s blowing your back out.
Rule #5
Don’t Try To Change The Dynamic Of The Relationship
Yes, sometimes sex changes the dynamics of a friendship but this shouldn’t happen here.
If you used to call this person weekly, don’t change that now. However, do not disturb them with incessant texts because you had sex. There’s no need for you to ask “have you eaten?” every hour.
Sometimes, we try to be less conspicuous and reduce the frequency of chats with said person so we don’t come off as doing too much. You don’t necessarily have to do that either. Let your relationship/friendship be as open and organic as possible.
The only way a Friends With Benefits situation will work is if you maintain the relationship you had before. Keeping it casual means keeping it casual, so do just that. Don’t overthink it.
