We’re familiar with attachment styles and love languages, but when it comes to our personalities during sex, there’s not much terminology beyond the basic “kinky” or “vanilla.” Well, until now.
Our motivations for engaging in sex vary, and each of us has a unique definition of what constitutes as “good sex.”
Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, has identified various sex “personality types” through her work with clients. Additionally, Jaiya, a somatic sexologist with over 30 years of experience, developed the Erotic Blueprint Type as a tool to provide a language for understanding our individual approaches to intimacy, connection, and sex.
While some people engage in sex to release stress, others seek it as a means to foster a deeper emotional connection with their partners.
Now, let’s delve into the various sex personality types and Erotic Blueprint types.
To figure out your type, read through the descriptions below and see which two resonate the most with you.
You can also suggest that your partner(s) pick out theirs and compare, as it might help enhance mutual understanding and satisfaction in your sex life. Additionally, feel free to take our quiz at the end of this article to identify your primary sex personality type.
The Eleven Sex Personality Types
1. The Decompresser
For you, sex is all about stress relief. Especially whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. You love the physical and mental release that happens when you orgasm. You may even use sex (whether solo or partnered) to help you fall asleep at night. Orgasms are important to you because they bring about that feeling of relief or release. Sex just doesn’t feel complete without that. However, sometimes you’re so focused on the finish line (read: coming) that you forget to actually enjoy the ride. And because of this, you may come off to your partner as not being present or engaged during sex because you’re just so focused on the end.
2. The Explorer
For you, sex is an exploration of new experiences in the bedroom. You view it as a source of enjoyment, not to be taken too seriously. Your sexual curiosity knows no bounds, always eager to learn and open to trying new things. Even if you try something you don’t particularly enjoy, you maintain a lighthearted approach.
3. The Fair-Trader
As the fair-trader, you believe in a give-and-take dynamic, expecting your partner to meet your needs with enthusiasm, as you’re ready to reciprocate gladly.
It’s important for you to sense that your partner enjoys giving just as much as you realish receiving, and vice versa. If you feel your partner isn’t as enthusiastic, it becomes a turn-off for you. If there’s a perceived disconnect or aloofness, it’s challenging for you to enjoy the experience, and you might disengage.
4. The Giver
Don’t we all just love The Giver.
For you, your partner’s sexual experience is of utmost importance–you don’t play. You love to satisfy your partner because that’s just who you are, and turning them on brings you pleasure. It makes you feel good to know that you can make them feel good. For the giver, it’s almost weird to be on the receiving end without reciprocating. It makes you feel odd.
5. The Guardian
Feeling secure and safe with your partner is your top priority. This is because you may have dealt with sexual trauma in the past.
It’s crucial for you to establish a foundation of security before engaging in sexual acts, emphasizing the importance of your boundaries.
6. The Passion-Pursuer
For the passion-pursuer, sex doesn’t meet your standards unless it’s electrifying, all-consuming, passionate, and maybe even animalistic.
You’re deeply attuned to the energy between you and your partner during sex. The idea of letting go and losing yourself in the moment resonates with you. The best sexual experiences, for you, are those where time seems to stand still.
7. The Pleasure-Seeker
Sex, to you, is one of life’s simple pleasures. Your primary love language is most likely physical touch, and you find joy in the intimacy it brings.
You’re not the type to overthink sex. It doesn’t have to be emotional, and it doesn’t have to be with someone you’ve (emotionally) connected with. It can be enjoyed with someone you just met. For you, it’s just not that deep.
8. The Prioritizer
No matter how overwhelmed you are, you will always make time for sex.
Even when you’re tired, you will always find the time. You never want yourself or your partner to make excuses or be too busy for sex.
You highly value your sex life and are willing to invest time and make sacrifices for it. Consistency is essential for you, as you never want to feel like sex is missing from your life.
9. The Romantic
For you, the purpose of sex is to connect with your partner on an emotional and deeper level, not just the physical one.
You yearn for connection and intimacy during sex, and you enjoy it more when it’s slower and more drawn-out. You like maintaining eye contact, sharing longing glances, and exchanging heartfelt “I love yous.”
The Romantic and the Passion-Pursuer share similarities, but the Romantic requires emotional intimacy with a partner. One-night stands and casual encounters are definitely not your cup of tea.
10. The Spiritualist
The Spiritualist believes that sex should be a transcendent experience. You enjoy sex that connects you to a higher purpose. “Sex is bigger than what’s happening in the body. You may be religious, or you may enjoy Eastern philosophies like tantra.” Marin wrote on her site.
11. The Thrill-Seeker
For you, there’s a thrill to having sex that feels forbidden or taboo.
You may enjoy an element of power play in your sex life, like allowing your partner to dominate you or dominating your partner.
While the Explorer simply likes to explore, for exploration sake, you on the other hand crave that sense of taboo.
The Five Erotic Blueprint Types
1. The Energetic Type
You find arousal in anticipation, space, teasing, longing, and yearning. Your superpower is the ability to enter expanded states of consciousness and experience orgasm without requiring physical touch. However, if things become too intense too quickly, you may tend to disassociate.
2. The Sensual Type
You’re aroused when all your senses are ignited. However, you have a tendency to get stuck in your head, potentially missing out on what is happening in your body.
3. The Sexual Type
You’re turned on by sex or your definition of it–penetration, nudity, orgasms and so on. You bring the joy and fun to sex.
4. The Kinky Type
You’re turned on by what is considered “taboo” and weird.
You have a strong affinity for what many consider “out of the box” sexuality.
5. The Shapeshifter Type
You’re turned on by everything. All of it. You’re also often amazing lovers.
You enjoy various aspects of sexuality but may prioritize a partner’s preference over your own.
You may also suppress your true desires to make others comfortable, as you have often been told that you are too much, or too complex.
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