Finding an ideal man can turn into an extreme sport really quick, I mean if you’re not ducking your way past sexist men or speed walking past that guy who’s into you but can’t seem to keep it in his pants, chances are you might not score yourself a decent partner and just when you think you’ve ducked and tucked and rolled your way out, you fall right into the arms of an irredeemable misogynist.
A lot of women don’t realize that they are in a relationship with a misogynistic man, which is quite understandable because a modern-day misogynist should belong to a museum yunno, but unfortunately despite living in an age of shifting gender roles and feminist movements, we still have these men doing more harm than good to the mental and (in some cases) physical wellbeing of women and girls.
Although, the definition of misogyny is widely accepted as the hatred of women including prejudice and contempt for women and girls, misogyny is actually all about dominating and controlling women who challenge male dominance. It rewards women who reinforce the male dominated status quo and punishes those who do not, it can also include the belief that females are inferior humans to males.
A lot of people conceptualize misogyny as a body of ideas that exist to corroborate social relations but as a matter of fact, that is sexism not misogyny. Misogyny is somewhat a moral manifestation of the sexist ideology.
Sexism is the ideology that promotes or supports patriarchal social relations while misogyny executes or enforces this ideology when the status quo is ‘under siege’ and is at risk of going away, so you could say that the two concepts work hand in hand. You should also bear in mind that most misogynists do not realize that they hate women, as a matter of fact it is psychologically proven that misogyny is often unconscious. With that said, here are 10 signs your partner is a misogynist.
- He Subtly Talks You Out of Pursuing Your Ambitions
Talks about your plans to further your studies or start a business or pursue a better paying job are often shut down or discouraged, he can’t just bear the idea of you getting ahead of him, he might talk you out of these things in a way that seems like he’s protecting you or looking out for your best interest but the truth is; he can’t stand to see you do better than him, the thought of you earning more than him, being less dependent on him or even being more educated than him, doesn’t sit right with him.
- He Has A Two-Sided Personality
He’s like two different people, he’s brash and brutish when you’re alone but polite and sweet when in public. He often leaves you confused by his sudden change in behavior, one minute he’s kind and the next he’s cruel and snarky. He would speak to you and treat you in ways he’d never treat his friends, you are always knocked off balance by his sudden change in personality, with his friends and colleagues he acts completely normal and even pretends to support gender equality but when it’s just the two of you he airs his views on feminism as if it were a nefarious and petty movement he has to play along with.
- Sex Is Always on His Terms and When He Wants It
Sex with him is always on his terms and when you don’t want it, he gets upset with you. He never respects what you want or heeds to how you want to be pleased, you rarely orgasm when you have sex but that doesn’t seem to bother him. Even after you tell him no, he would persistently talk you into it. He doesn’t really care about making the experience pleasurable for you, any attempt of you trying to spice up your sex life get’s him mad, and he often takes your sexual suggestions as insults and shuns the idea of sex toys or self-pleasure.
- He Classifies Your Female Friends into A Good or Bad Group
He would categorize your independent, mischievous and free-spirited girlfriends as bad and classify your shy and reserved friends as good. A misogynist often labels women as good or bad and treats them accordingly. Most misogynistic men have the madonna-whore complex, what this means is, he would sleep with or lust for sexual and beautiful women but would never respect them as ‘wife material’ and will never marry them. He has mentally labelled the mentioned women as unworthy and impure, even though he may feel passionately for them and possess contradictory feelings, he would never see such women as wife status. He would look for a ‘good girl’ to marry, one who is domestic and cold sexually, this he sees as a proper woman.
- He Believes Biological and Psychological Myths About Women
Myths about gender have existed for an awfully long time, and a lot of them have been debunked but that doesn’t seem to faze the modern-day misogynist. He still believes that women are intellectually inferior even though this has been thwarted, dare tell him women were not naturally less intelligent than men and that they just weren’t provided with the same opportunities and access to education, and he just might throw a tantrum. If you even breathe a word about not all virgins bleeding and virginity being a social construct with no way to confirm it in a woman, you just might kill him. He doesn’t believe that men are not less susceptible to emotions than women and choses to turn a blind eye to the fact that men were just socially conditioned that way.
- He Expects Praises From You When He Does Chores
If he does so much as wash the dishes or cook for himself, he expects you to shower him with praises and thanks. He’ll remind you of how good of a man he is for doing the things you should be doing, he suggests or out rightly tells you that it is your obligation to cook for him, do his laundry, clean for him and basically that your role in his life is to be his ever-pliant servant. He’ll make it seem like he has important man things to do that keep him from catering to his needs even though you both do these ‘man things’; it doesn’t matter to him that you both have strenuous jobs or split the bill, you are the woman, what you bring to the table is insignificant and it is your duty to cater to his every need.
- He Despises Women Who Have Certain Traits but Idolizes Men That Have Them
You may notice that he finds a persistent and tenacious man admirable but when he sees those traits in a woman, he sees her as belligerent and unattractive. Misogynists deserve lofty laurels for being able bodied practitioners of double standards, they find certain kind of behaviors or traits in men just fine but when a woman exhibits them, she’s despicable. He often insinuates that successful women only got where they are because they slept around or they’re easy on the eye. An even more annoying trait of a misogynist is how they masquerade their negative biases towards women with their close-minded intellectualism of gender equality; they regard themselves as smart and well informed on the topic but deliberately misunderstand everything even slightly related to feminism.
8. He Often Condemns Women In Power
Whenever he has to work under a female supervisor at his job or answer to a woman, he hates it and usually always complains. He is very hostile towards his female colleagues and discredits them whenever an opportunity presents itself. Misogynists hate to see women in power because they believe only men should lead and be put in high positions. These type of men have a general disdain for women in leadership and politics.
9. He Is Usually Very Possessive And Controlling
He frequently tries to justify his ridiculous actions by calling it being “protective of you”, meanwhile it’s far from the truth. Misogynists often view women as property instead of individuals. They are very controlling and possessive because they want to believe that they own you, and that without them you are nothing.
10. He Frequently Refers To Women As Emotional Or Crazy
He often portrays women as emotionally unstable, crazy or irrational. Ask him about his ex or why his last relationship ended, and very likely he’ll respond by saying its because his ex was crazy. Misogynists use this ideology as a way to gaslight their partners, win arguments and feel inferior. They also usually refer to women as ‘bitches’, ‘sluts’, ‘hoes’ and other derogatory terms. When confronted on his choice of words, he makes excuses by saying he didn’t mean it and that he isn’t talking about all women.
Lies. He’s talking about you too. Shine your eyes and Japa because nothing good can come out of the relationship sis.
Always remember that you deserve someone who loves you for you and doesn’t try to steer the course of your life, the only person that should control you is you.