My last relationship, which I now regard as non-existent (call me petty if you want, I’ve never dated anybody) was what you would call toxic. I wouldn’t go too much into detail, but the moment I knew I had to end the relationship was when every Tom, Dick and Harry in Lagos was calling me because my “boyfriend” had been owing multiple people money, along with the fact that he was constantly telling people that we had a joint account which I monitored. *insert crying emoji*. I packed my bags and I never looked back because its one thing to lie, but its another thing to lie pathologically.
In this article, we’re taking a walk down memory lane and talking about our shared experiences with shitty, toxic, good for nothing exes. Five Nigerian women share the moment they knew they had to pack their bags and end their relationship.
1. Sade, 23
I’m not saying its a good thing, but I regularly used to go through my boyfriend’s phone; I’ll go as far as checking emails, Instagram messages, Twitter DMs and so on. On this particular day, I was so sure I was going to find something because he had been acting strange and distant. I had travelled prior for a month and when I came back, something was clearly different. He had claimed that it was just the stress of running his own business amongst other things, but in my gut I knew something was up. I just didn’t believe him. Especially because one day we were having sex and it was quite obvious he wasn’t into it at all. Long story short, I saw a chat on messenger between him and another guy, and they were talking about linking up to have sex again. We only dated for a few months but, I’m so ashamed that I never saw the signs.
2. Shalom, 27
My ex literally told me to my face that he had cheated on me multiple times. And he added “what are you going to do about it?”. It was a terrible relationship because he knew how dependent I was on him, in terms of money and him just taking care of me financially. I admit that I didn’t leave the relationship immediately, I took some time but I eventually ended things.
3. Jem, 26
If you knew me and my ex, you would have thought we were going to get married. I was so in love, and he mistreated me because he knew I truly loved him. I had more than 3 abortions for this man because he kept on claiming how it was never the right time or how he wasn’t ready. I believed him and I trusted him, most of all I didn’t want to pressure him. I’m not sure what changed but after some time, any small thing “I don’t want to do this again”, “I’m tired of this relationship”, “I’m done”. We could be having an argument as irrelevant as him not calling to check on me for the entire day and the next thing he’ll resort to saying is how he was done. He was always playing with my emotions and then when I reacted, he’ll call me “too emotional” or “too aggressive”.
4. Divine, 26
He was alwaaaaaays comparing me to his sisters. Every single time. He had two sisters and both of them were married and accomplished women, but I never understood the comparison. One day, his sister got a new job at a renowned company and that same night he sent me a lengthy text about how I should be more like his sister because this and that. It was very off putting because if he wanted to sleep with his sisters he should just have said that. He was just a man with many problems and I’m glad I dodged that bullet.
5. Nadia, 22
This man would always dictate to me what I should wear, how I should do my hair and even as far as what I should eat!
At first, I thought it was cute but it became very creepy, quickly. What even creeped me out was the fact that his ex girlfriend before me kind of dressed the way he wanted me to. I remember bringing this to his attention and omo, he flipped out. There’s nothing he didn’t say and there’s nothing he didn’t call me. And me too I gave it back to him. That was the day we actually broke up but he called me a few days later to beg me, but me I was long gone. I concluded that he was an obsessive freak who derived power and pleasure from controlling women.
*Some names have been changed
Have you ever had a shitty ex? Share your story with us in the comments!