It is common knowledge that when it comes to a lot of married Nigerian men, there’s no individual who is as single as them. I can bet you that in Lagos, most especially, traffic would reduce by at least 40% if married men residing there chose loyalty and faithfulness to their wives.
Seriously, cheating married men are a menace, and no girl is immune to their games.
While some people may say, “Never let your spouse keep you from finding your true love,” referencing celebrities like Swizz Beatz & Alicia Keys and Prince Charles & Camilla Bowles, implying that they serve as concrete evidence of how affairs can bloom into a marriage union, the reality is that not many women dating married men get that “happy ending.”
In these parts (and truthfully, in general), many married men don’t plan to leave their wives for their mistresses or side partners. All they intend to do is use these relationships as a means to lead a double life, compensating for whatever might be lacking in their marriage.
To successfully do this, there are certain lies these married men tell single women they find attractive to earn their trust and sleep with them.
I once read a real-life story of how a married man forged a death certificate for his wife so that he could cheat, and then there are even more bizarre stories of men killing their wives so they can start a new family.
As a woman, you must acquaint yourself with some of these phrases so you’re not stuck trying to decipher whether or not he truly means it when he says things like, “Where were you before I met my wife?” or “I would have divorced my wife, but I am only staying because of my kid”.
If that man can go back to the person he wakes up to every single morning—the woman who has likely endured unimaginable struggles—look her in the eyes and narrate how his whole day went but omits how he shamelessly pursued other women, what makes you think he’ll be honest with you?
Common Lie #1 – “My Wife Refuses to Sleep With Me”
One thing a married man is going to do is lie to you that he’s stuck in a sexless marriage. It doesn’t matter if his wife is a bombshell who keeps things fun, reads all the sex articles in 21 Magazine, regularly orders Kayan Mata, does all the latest sex fads, like drinking okra water, or maybe, a woman who has become a shadow of her youthful, sexy self, because she is over-burdened with the bulk of child and house care, most cheating married men will always prefer to paint their wife as a jezebel who sexually frustrates them.
After a married man has uttered these words to you, what usually comes next is a description of how he and his wife’s relationship has devolved into a pathetic roommate kind of living—you hear things like how he doesn’t get hard near her again, how she has gotten too comfortable and has lost herself, etc. This man can choose the path of faithfulness and put in work to rekindle the intimacy in his marriage, but he would rather jump through hoops to maintain a secret affair and justify his unfaithfulness by blaming his wife whose “unattractiveness” has pushed him to cheat.
Khaled Hosseini said it best when he said “Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman.
Common Lie #2 – “I’m Not Happy in My Marriage. I’m Just Staying for the Sake of the Kids”
Yes, girl, he is not staying because of the endless amount of unpaid labour and sex his wife is showering him with. He isn’t staying because being a married man makes him appear more responsible in society. And no, he definitely isn’t still married because he might actually love his wife but struggles with monogamy. He is only still married because he is the patron saint of children with absent fathers and cannot bear being away from his kids, whom he barely interacts with because he is too busy philandering.
It’s like at the Cheating Nigerian Married Men Forum, the members resolved that this phrase was getting over-used, so they graduated to something shinier: “We are in the process of a divorce”—and it’s a divorce process that just never ends—or “we are divorced but we still live together.” After God, fear married men.
Common Lie #3 – “Why Didn’t I Meet You Before I Met My Wife?”
When they ask this or say something along the lines of, I wish I met you before meeting my wife, stay alert, because you have just come across a seasoned cheat and liar, who has used this line a thousand other times on different girls.
When you hear a married man tell you this, don’t sulk thinking, “Eyah, right person, wrong timing”, girl, stand up! This question means that he intends to use you to catch maximum cruise and to make up for the spontaneous and flirtatious elements that are lacking in his marriage.
Yes, by giving him your attention, you may make him feel young and happy, but the irony is, even if you did meet him before he met his wife, and you ended up together, you will still be in a long-term relationship with responsibilities, and it will be far from the heady fun you’re both having now because you all are in the honeymoon stage. All relationships have their issues. Your case won’t be different even if you both met back then.
Common Lie #4 – “Yes, I’m Married, but that Doesn’t Matter Because I Believe We are Both Mature”
I’ve personally heard this one myself and to date, it’s high on the list of the razzest things I have ever experienced.
Now, this particular phrase is typically reserved for younger women who they perceive as naïve—18-22 year olds, beware. When a married man is moving to you and says, “I believe we are all mature here”, he’s trying to trick you into proving that you’re “mature for your age” and that you are capable of handling the pressure and riskiness that comes with dating another woman’s husband. He says these words, designating you as *the one* and all of a sudden, you become flattered that he thinks you’re special and not “childish” like your agemates. So, you entertain him more, basking in the validation.
Please, don’t fall for it. There’s literally nothing a 40-year-old man has in common with a 20-year-old girl, so much so that he can form a strong opinion on how she’s more special than other young women her age.
Did we forget any? Let us know in the comments!
