My dating life has aggressively taught me not to ever ignore red flags. Once you show me a peek of your toxicity, you get a first strike. And if you continue to show me – no matter how subtle or in my face you are about it – that you’ve only come to my life to stress me, I’ll walk away before I give you the power to.
I’m not going to make it seem like I detect red flags easily, I really don’t. But I’m conscious of people’s actions and how it makes me feel. Especially if I’m attracted to you.
It’s very easy for someone’s terrible behaviour to sneakily disguise as sweet and thoughtful, and that’s honestly why you need to have your guard up while dating. What can I say? Streets are hard. Whether we would like to admit it or not, a lot of us tend to ignore red flags while dating because we excuse them for other things. And by the time someone has revealed their true personality, it’s too late because emotions are involved and the relationship is in too deep.
In this article, the 21 MAG team has come up with 5 “romantic gestures” that are actually red flags in disguise. Let us know which you agree or disagree with.
1. Red Flag #1 – When They Are Too Protective of You
It may seem sweet at first when a partner is protective of you, but it really isn’t. If you find yourself having to defend yourself most times because he/she always seems to get jealous, or if they are persistent on prying into your phone or social media, that’s a major red flag. Especially if you aren’t even exclusive yet.
I remember hearing a story about a girl, whose boyfriend took on the role as protector of her Instagram account. He was always aware when guys followed her and would go as far as ask her to unfollow/block them. If you think that’s cute or loving, then I sincerely have no words. In a situation like that, she probably saw the red flags early on but might have convinced herself that he was only being protective.
2. Red Flag #2 – When They Want You to Spend All Your Time With Them
It may sound flattering to hear the words ‘I miss you already’, but if you’re dating someone who wants to spend every single moment with you, even when you make it clear that you’re busy or have other commitments, isn’t flattering at all. In fact, it’s very unhealthy. No matter how much you love or cherish a person, everyone needs their space.
Requests to spend more quality time together can become very toxic because you will begin to feel pressured or start to feel guilty for wanting to make other plans outside your relationship. Healthy love should always feel free, and never confined.
3. Red Flag #3 – When They Overshare Way Too Soon
It’s very normal to believe that someone who shares personal things with you quickly, trusts and respects you. But that isn’t necessarily true.
If you just started talking to someone you’re interested in and they overshare so much, to the point they are being disrespectful and even name dropping – most especially if it’s about an ex – watch out, because they will very likely do the same to you when it’s your turn. He’s not rambling about his ex because he’s moved on and she was the “toxic one in the relationship”, he’s strategically oversharing so you will feel safe enough to let your guard down.
4. Red Flag #4 – When They Check In Too Much
When you first meet someone and things are going great, it’s normal to want to check in and text a lot. However, overdoing it can be a bad sign meaning they are either too clingy, or attach on to relationships quickly. Watch out if they get angry or try to guilt trip you for not responding quickly enough.
Refer back to point 2 on this list – People like this want your world to revolve around them and may not like to give you your space.
5. Red Flag #5 – When They Say ‘I Love You’ Too Soon
AKA, Love bombing: an early-stage relationship tactic of showering a person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection, followed by manipulation and abuse.
It’s pretty normal to feel infatuated quickly if you really like someone, but if a person is quick to say they love you or you’re their soulmate only a few weeks into dating, you may need to take a few steps back. It’s important to be cautious of people who make the most extreme, grand gestures too soon before they really get to know you and vice versa, because you need to ask yourself; what does this person really know about me, enough to love me?
Which do you agree or disagree with? Tell us in the comments!