Most men’s self care package may only include a bar of soap, lotion (low probability), deodorant and/or cologne—but that is only the physical aspect. When it comes to their emotions however, men are as intentional as your favourite beauty influencer is at picking a brand of sunscreen. It’s common knowledge that by the time a woman physically checks out of a relationship, she would have emotionally checked out months before. For all of our self-love, self-worth, daily positive affirmations lifestyle, it is surprising that we would allow ourselves stay in a relationship even when it no longer benefits us.
Steve Harvey did us a solid when he advised us to think like men but when it comes to making emotional decisions like walking out of a failing relationship, maybe we need to take it further and act like them too. Here are a few things I think we can adopt from the other gender when it comes to putting yourself first and walking away from a toxic relationship:
1. Choose Your Happiness, Men Do It All The Time
Think of the dynamics of your present or past relationships; Boy likes girl, girl likes him too, but who is more likely to make the first move? Most of the time, women wait for men to say “I love you” first. Don’t even get me started on initiating sex. You can probably count on your fingers the number of times you have outrightly initiated sex. And no, sending him weird signals and then picking a fight that leads to make up sex when he doesn’t get it, does not count.
The point is, they have been doing this their whole lives—making the first move and going for what they want. So for them, walking away from a bad relationship is just another decision to go after something they want, and this time it’s their happiness (They usually don’t think twice about this) So don’t always sit around and wait. If your relationship isn’t adding value to your life and you don’t see it going anywhere, choose your happiness and walk away when it no longer serves you.
2. Stop Tolerating Disrespect, Most Men Wouldn’t
Call it ego if you want, but when it comes to self respect most men actually don’t take BS.
If you allow yourself to be brutally honest, you would admit that in most circumstances, a man would not take half of the disrespect that a woman endures in a toxic relationship. If you find yourself in any situation where you feel like you are questioning your self worth because of another person’s actions, you should walk away. If the tables were turned, they probably wouldn’t bend over backwards for you like that.
3. Actually Take Advice From Your Friends
We all know how pointless it is to try and talk your girlfriend out of a relationship where she’s not valued; She most likely wouldn’t listen, but when men put their pride aside and talk to their friends about their relationship woes, they actually value the advice given and often swing into action. This is not a license to go and tattle off to anyone who is willing to listen, but if you have trusted friends who have your best interests at heart, they often times can see beyond your love-blinded vision. If they tell you that you deserve better, they are probably not lying and you should listen to them.
4. Think With Your Head & Not Always Your Heart
If you’ve ever ranted to your man about something and he started to proffer solutions instead of sympathizing and taking your side, you’ll understand this point. Men like to think logically, and they have a “this or that” sense of reasoning. If staying in a toxic relationship means sacrificing your peace of mind and leaving means prioritizing your happiness, guess which one a man will choose?
You should do the same.
Okay yes, I know it’s easier said than done. But is it really?
Is choosing yourself and protecting your mental health really that hard, or are you just over thinking it? Before you decide to stay ask yourself if the person you are doing it for is worth it, or if they would stay if the situations were reversed. You may be alone for a while but you wouldn’t die. Embrace that time alone. It’s better than being a part of something that only takes from your self-esteem and happiness and gives nothing in return.
