We Rated 21 Weird and Hilarious Names For the Vagina

I imagine that even in ancient civilisations, at least among women, there were sly, jokey names for referring to their lady parts, especially as talking about such things was and to some extent, still is, taboo. There are countless aliases for vaginas because apparently, people can be very creative when they are trying to avoid calling it what it is. Some of these slangs are cute and some are downright disrespectful; two women, with differing views from our team rated some popular weird and hilarious names for the vagina. 

Pussy (8.5/10)

Abim– If said just right, this could be the ultimate name for your vagina. Depending on the context, tone and who’s saying it, it could even be endearing. Close your eyes and picture it, you know what I mean. 8/10. 

Skittles– This is a classic but I rarely ever use the term, probably due to its negative connotations in society, so I unconsciously avoid it. However, don’t you love the way it just rolls off the tongue? Pussy. This gets a solid 9/10.

Lady Garden (5/10)

Abim– “Lady Garden” has a bit of mystery to it, like you need to pull back a curtain to see what’s up. It conjures images of laying down in a garden and eating grapes— and also, a hairy bush. 7/10.

Skittles– How are vaginas gardens? People need to get more creative. A solid 3/10! Sorry not sorry.

Vag (5/10)

Abim– Simple and sweet; passes the message across and is much less vulgar than some other options. 8/10.

Skittles– It sounds like hag. Thank you, next! 2/10!

Lady Bits (7/10)

Abim– Simple and effective; 7/10.

Skittles– Hmm. More often than not this makes me laugh. I’ll give it a 7/10.

V-jay (0.6/10)

Abim– We can definitely do better; much better. 1/10.

Skittles– What is this? 0.2/10!

Kitty (9/10)

Abim– There are a number of vagina names that are derivative of cat names— pussy, kitty and outright cat, and though I can’t figure out the reason for the parallel, it somehow makes perfect sense. 8/10.

Skittles– I actually favour this name. I was once in a relationship where, whenever we were in public, we would refer to my vagina as Kitty. It kept eavesdroppers from figuring out what we were talking about and for some crazy reason, it cracked us up!! It gets a 10/10; for sentimental reasons. 

Down There (3.2/10)

Abim– Unimaginative and boring. Put your back into it, please. 2/10.

Skittles– I have mixed feelings about this one. I see how it’s effective for communicating in public, especially when you’re not comfortable with people overhearing you. However, tf is down there? Please. It gets a 4.5/10.

Box (3.5/10)

Abim- I have mixed feelings about this title. Nothing about this word is indicative of a vagina unless you already know the slang. I think it’s a good name, but if it does not immediately transport your mind to the meaning without context then is it really doing its job? 7/10.

Skittles– No! Never call my Vagina a box if you wish to live to see another day. 0/10!

Cunt (2/10)

Abim– I don’t think any woman uses this word to refer to her lady bits. It’s one of those words you just know is a man’s doing. 4/10.

Skittles– Disrespectful! 0.00/10.

Flower (2.5/10)

Abim– This name is ridiculous. It sounds like what a secondary school or Sunday school teacher would say during their purity culture talks where they tell you that if you look at a man too long, you’ll fall pregnant. 2/10.

Skittles– I weirdly get why people would call a vagina a flower because when a vagina is ‘opening’ it sort of looks like a flower blooming. It’s very pretty. However I would never call vaginas flowers.In most settings it would be completely ridiculous. 3/10.

Cookie (6/10)

Abim– I don’t think it’s possible to call your vagina a cookie without blushing and kicking your feet or giggling. 6/10.

Skittles– Ha! It’s cute. I think it would put a smile on anyone’s face. 6/10!

Toto (1.5/10)

Abim- If you call your vagina “Toto”, you’re a woman of war. You break bottles on your head when provoked and you open drinks with your teeth. This is maybe the most undignified name for your vagina. Have some class, please. 3/10.

Skittles– I don’t have much of an opinion on this one so I will just give it a 1/10. 

Vajayjay (7.5/10)

Abim– Fun to say and passes the message across. Vagina’s cool older sister. 7/10.

Skittles– I love playing with this word. I love saying it in ridiculous accents. 8/10.

Hoo Haa (6.5/10)

Abim– What even is this? What does it mean? How does one say this without immediately bursting into laughter? 3/10, for silliness.

Skittles– I say this ALL the time. Always jokingly and always with a laugh. I love it! 10/10!

Sex (1.7/10)

Abim– Using the word “sex” in this context is simply unhinged. It’s like saying sexed or sexing. Why? 2/10.

Skittles– Ermmmmmmmm 1.3/10.

Twat (2/10)

Abim– Twat sounds threatening. I don’t think any woman calls her vagina this; certainly a man’s invention. 2/10.

Skittles– Ya’ll need to stop. Respect that which makes you cum. It’s a particularly lovely insult though! 2/10.

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Honey Pot (7/10)

Abim– This is a cute name, sounds like something someone who’s shy about referring to their vagina would say. 6/10.

Skittles- Cute and incredibly accurate. 8/10.

Fanny (4/10)

Abim- I hear Fanny and think of fanny packs. It’s not a very pretty name. 3/10.

Skittles– I hear Fanny and can’t help but say it in a British accent over and over again in my head. It also makes me think of fanny packs. It gets a 5/10.

Pum Pum (7.5/10)

Abim– If you’re not Jamaican, you should not be using this name, in my opinion. It only sounds right when they say it. 6/10.

Skittles- I adore this name. It makes me giggle, every time! It gets a 9/10. 

Handwarmer (0.5/10)

Abim– Simply disrespectful. If you say this, you need to wash your mouth out with soap. 0/10.

Skittles– I can’t even… What exactly does one say to this? 1/10.

Coochie (9/10)

Abim– I personally favour this word. Easy to say, cute, a little silly, and passes the message across effectively. Bad bitches say coochie, 9/10.

Skittles- I say coochie. I say it a lot. I think it’s cute, easy and for people that think certain words are ‘vulgar’, it’s perfetto! It’s a 9/10 for me!