It’s always been hard trying to figure out the right answer to the age-old question of whether “girls and guys can be ‘just friends'” because tbh, there is no wrong or correct answer. While some believe that it’s very possible to maintain a solid and healthy friendship with someone of the opposite sex, others beg to differ. Out of sheer curiosity, we spoke to Sandra* and Tola*, a girl and a guy who happen to be friends, about their take on the topic. We also threw in some important questions about their friendship and we think you’re gonna find the responses interesting.
1. How Long Have You Been Friends For?
Sandra: I think three years now? We met through a mutual friend and we just seemed to click which was weird because I never thought I would have a male bestie-ish. But we just got along so well and the rest is history.
Tola: I’m not sure but it seems like we’ve been friends for way too long. She’s one of my favourite people that’s for sure.
2. Have You Ever Thought About Dating Each other?
Sandra: I’ve never dated someone I was friends with. That’s why boundaries exist. So to answer your question no, I’ve never thought about dating him. People tend to think we’re having sex on the low but we aren’t. Our friendship is special to me so bringing feelings or intimacy forward is just a risk I’m not willing to take.
Tola: I’d be lying if I said I haven’t because she’s an attractive woman. But we’re just friends and I’m a hundred percent fine with that.
3. Have You Ever Had a One-night Fling (Anything From Kissing to Sex) With a Friend of The Opposite Sex?
Sandra: Yes, but I would say we were more like acquaintances and not at all friends. It was unplanned and very unexpected but it was also nice. He was very clear about not wanting a relationship and I was glad because I felt the same way. We got together more than once so at a point, I started to catch feelings but got over it real quick.
Tola: Yeah I have.
4. Why Do You Think Guys Are Threatened By a Girl Having Male Friends and Vice Versa?
Sandra: In my opinion, I think men just project their insecurities. My ex and I always had issues about me having a close guy friend and even though I tried many times to get him to see that he had nothing to worry about, he just could never accept it. Women on the other hand get jealous easily. At the end of the day, it depends on your relationship. Some partners can’t see past it while others try to be understanding.
Tola: As a guy who has a lot of close girl friends, I get it. I see it firsthand how their boyfriends get paranoid whenever they say they are with me. Some, if not most, think we are sleeping together while some don’t like the threat of it happening. It is very possible for a guy to have a strictly platonic friendship with a girl.
5. How Many Platonic Girl/Guy Friends Have You Developed Feelings For?
Sandra: One. But I never acted on it because like I said earlier, I’ve never dated anyone I was friends with. That friends to lovers trope has always seemed a bit corny to me, I don’t know why.
Tola: Hm. Probably like three. But those weren’t strong feelings. Definitely not enough to tell them.
6. What Is The Biggest Benefit of Having Friends of the Opposite Sex?
Sandra: For me, it’s the way we communicate and are so honest with each other. Plus, guys are really good at giving dating advice. They will tell it like it is and although they can be harsh sometimes, I always appreciate the honesty. Men are also so fun to be around and I just love how I can talk to my male friends about anything.
Tola: What isn’t a benefit of having girl friends? They help me navigate my relationships better so whenever I’m having issues with a girl I’m seeing, they get me to understand the situation by allowing me see things from a woman’s perspective.
7. Would You Be Jealous If The Person You Were Dating Had Close Friends of the Opposite Sex?
Sandra: Yes. And I know that’s a double standard but It also depends on the dynamics of their friendship. How long they have been friends for, how often they hang out and so on. If my man started being friends with a girl AFTER he started dating me, then it would be a problem for me. And I definitely would be jealous.
Tola: It depends on a lot of things. If she has previously slept with the guy, I would certainly have an issue. And if they dated for a while, it would make me uncomfortable but if this friend has been there even before I came into the picture, it would be possessive of me to make it a thing.
8. Finally, What’s Holding You Two Back From Pursuing One Another?
Sandra: LOL This question it too chaotic abeg. Because we’re just friends. Period.
Tola: Me I’m just following her lead. Seriously, she’s a great friend and that’s where we are currently. If it stays this way, that’s fine by me and if it happens to blossom into more, I’m open.
*Names have been changed