Did you know that arguments about money (are) by far the top predictor of divorce? Money is an uncomfortable topic for many people, as our diverse upbringings shape our unique relationships with it—from how we discuss finances to how we spend our money.
If your partner isn’t comfortable having financial discussions with you, it’s a red flag and one of the surest ways to financial infidelity. Addressing crucial money questions before marriage is essential for building an open and stable foundation.
In this article, we explore seven uncomfortable yet crucial money questions to ask before tying the knot. These conversations will help ensure both partners are on the same page, fostering trust and cooperation as you plan your future together.
1—Are You Comfortable Discussing and Making Financial Decisions Together?
Asking your partner if they are comfortable discussing and making financial decisions together, assesses their willingness to engage in transparent and collaborative financial planning. Transparent communication about finances is essential for building trust and ensuring that both partners’ perspectives and priorities are considered in decision-making processes.
This conversation helps to identify whether each partner feels confident and secure in discussing income, expenses, savings, investments, and other financial matters. It also reveals their preferred approach to handling disagreements or differing opinions on financial issues. By exploring this, you can foster a supportive environment where you both feel empowered to contribute to and share responsibility for your financial future, enhancing the overall stability and harmony of your relationship.
2—Do You Support Anyone Financially or Do You Plan to?
This is an essential question that explores existing and possible financial responsibilities outside the immediate relationship you have with your partner. There are too many tales of wives complaining that the husbands they marry financially neglect their immediate household in favour of their own relatives for you not to iron out this question.
You must discover whether or not your partner currently provides financial assistance to family members, friends, or dependents, as this can reveal ongoing obligations that may impact the financial planning of the home you intend to build with them.
It’s also important to discuss any of your personal intentions to support others in the future, like your ageing parent’s medical bills, tuition for your siblings, charity donations, and child support for children from previous relationships or relatives in the village. This transparency helps ensure that you both are aware of potential financial commitments and can plan accordingly, fostering a cooperative approach to managing finances and avoiding surprises that could strain the relationship.
3—Could One of Us be a Stay-at-Home Parent if We Have Children?
There are so many grim tales of career women getting married and all of sudden, being told by their husbands that they have to quit their jobs to make more time for child care. For many of these women, this request often comes as a rude awakening, and because they don’t consider divorce as an option for such an impulsive and one-sided demand, they cave into their spouse’s request. For other women, the preposition to be a stay-at-home wife is a welcome proposition, although as years go by, many of them face repercussions that they didn’t anticipate. So, this is a crucial discussion you must have, especially as a straight woman marrying a man in these climes.
In the conversation with your spouse, evaluate the financial feasibility of living on a single income, considering factors like the state of the economy, current earnings, savings, and future financial goals. Be honest when considering you and your partner’s career aspirations as well as your willingness to potentially pause or shift your professional life. Beyond the financial aspect, examine the level of your emotional and psychological readiness to take on the primary role of caregiver and the impact this might have on the dynamic of the family you hope to build. Taking in all these factors helps ensure that you and your partner have aligned expectations and a shared vision for your family’s future, making informed decisions that support their overall well-being and happiness.
The last thing you want is being blindsided with a “Quit your job and take care of the home” plea/order, hastily agreeing to it without considering the grand scheme of things and then getting older filled with regrets that you didn’t leave a life that is true to you.
4—Are You on Board with Saving for Retirement?
If you’re a big saver, trust us, you need to ask this question to ensure you and your soon-to-be spouse are prepared to delay gratification to build a stable and comfortable future together.
Saving for retirement requires consistent and strategic efforts, often starting years before retirement age, to ensure financial security in the later stages of life. By discussing this, you can understand your partner’s approach to saving, their current retirement plans, and any existing retirement accounts or investments. It also opens up a dialogue about mutual retirement goals, desired lifestyle, and how much each of you is willing to contribute to a retirement fund
5—Do You Expect Us to Manage Our Finances Jointly or Separately?
Again, if you have other personal financial responsibilities, you need to work out whether you’ll be managing finances with your partner or on your own. This fundamental question delves into how each partner envisions the structure of their financial relationship. Managing finances jointly, typically involves shared bank accounts, pooled resources, and collaborative budgeting, promoting transparency, trust, cooperation, and unified financial goals.
Conversely, managing finances separately allows for individual financial autonomy and can accommodate different spending habits or pre-existing financial obligations. This conversation not only helps to clarify expectations but is also crucial for establishing a financial system that respects both partners’ comfort levels and supports a harmonious and stable relationship.
So, figure out if you both will be paying for things individually or if you will split bills, and how the bills will be split. Remember, there is no right or wrong answer here, what truly matters is that you both are on the same page.
6—What Do You Like to Splurge On?
Understanding your partner’s splurge pattern opens a dialogue about financial priorities and compatibility. This ensures that you both are on the same page when it comes to impulsive or extravagant expenses.
It isn’t like you are trying to control anyone by asking this question, but imagine that you treat yourself to a spa treatment every once in a while, and your partner books luxury vacations every other weekend. Won’t it be better to figure out what they consider to shell out large amounts of cash to purchase or experience? Knowing this information enables you to anticipate possible personality friction and financial strains that may occur if one of you isn’t on board with that type of splurging. That way, you can both try to reach an agreement that fosters mutual respect and balance in spending within the relationship.
7—Are We Going to Have a Prenup?
This question addresses the legal and financial protections each partner may want before entering into marriage.
While prenups are not popular in Nigeria (however still speak with your lawyer), if you’re a resident in other jurisdictions, a pre-nuptial contract is something you would definitely have to look into to protect yourself and your assets in case you and your partner get a divorce later on.
A prenup can outline how assets, debts, and financial responsibilities will be managed in the event of a divorce, providing clarity and security for both parties. Discussing this topic demands transparent and candid communication about each partner’s financial situation, expectations, and concerns. It’s vital to approach this conversation with sensitivity, as it involves planning for a potential scenario that neither partner hopes for.
