Some life experiences are universal to girlhood. Call it a rite of passage. Call it character development. Call it the unofficial Girlhood Starter Pack. Either way, if you haven’t lived through at least half of these, are you even a girl?
From the inevitable friend group fallout to the tragic realization that your so-called male bestie has other intentions, these are the defining moments that shape us. The embarrassing, painful, hilarious, and downright traumatic moments are each a lesson in its own right.
Let’s take a walk down memory lane (or a stroll through current events, depending on where you are in the timeline).
1. The ‘Older Man’ Stage
At some point in our teenage years, society convinced us that dating older men was a cool thing. Why? Because older men had more sense than our age mates who we happened to believe were unserious bunch of time wasters.
From the stables of ‘Girls Mature Faster than Boys’ and other predatory stories, a lot of older men exploited our general belief that they were easier to deal with than their younger counterparts. The men fueled this notion by saying things like, ‘You’re so mature for your age’ to get barely legal girls to drop their panties, and many of us really soaked up that line, thinking it was a compliment. Meanwhile, we were just toys to older men even though we were convinced that we were the ones calling the shots in the relationship.
Not all age-gap relationships are predatory, but a 16-year-old has no business dating men in their 20s or older. Even today, many young girls will argue that there’s nothing wrong with it. As someone who once shared that same naïveté, you know there’s little you can say to convince them otherwise. Some lessons can only be learned firsthand—like realizing that the so-called ‘mature’ guy you entertained was nothing more than an exploitative fool. And if nothing else, it’s a solid reminder that men can be fools at any age.
2. Growing Up Smart but Feeling Dumber as You Get Older
Who can relate to always getting 1st position at nursery and primary school, and then going on to win academic prizes in secondary school, but as soon as you enter university, the burnout and self-doubt begin to creep in?
The childhood overachiever-to-burnt-out university student pipeline is more common than you think. You grow up being praised for excelling at everything you do, but as you get older, you realize that the title of “genius” is no longer there. Suddenly, success isn’t effortless, and rather than risk the shame of not being the best, you stop trying altogether.
3. Crashing Out Over a Guy You Never Dated
Crashing out over a situationship is prime character development—that intense feeling of madness while you act out of character for a man who wouldn’t claim you in public is imperative so that you familiarize yourself with the limits of your insanity.
Add the shame that follows once you’ve chopped one or two insults. But the best part, to be honest, is when your eye has cleared, and you see them for exactly who they are: a waste of time. *Chefs kiss*
4. The Friend-Group Fallout
Ah…the infamous friend group fallout. Y’all swore that you would all be friends forever, but you didn’t know that sometimes, people change and grow apart.
Like film trick—one day you’re yapping about being each other’s hypothetical bridesmaids and the next day you’re blocking each other, spilling secrets you promised to take to your grave—the haters happened to be right: the friend group fell apart.
5. The Fallout With the Friend Who Secretly Hated You
Let’s start with the fact that your mom probably warned you about this friendship.
From the backhanded compliments to the one-sided effort, from never engaging with your posts to their constant lack of support—were they envious of you, or did they just silently hate your guts? Probably both. And it’s not like you didn’t notice it then; you did. You just chose to ignore it because of your history together.
6. Rumours Circulating That You’re an Ashewo
Minding your business and then randomly hearing serious gossip that you’re a hoe is both amusing and infuriating.
A random guy (or babe) will create a sexual fantasy in their head with you as the main character and begin to spread it as reality, and now you’re stuck with people you had no idea existed, judging you because they think they have your ‘gist.’ Most times, you are caught between laughing or tracing the origin of the gossip to give them a stern warning.
7. Crying on Your Birthday
And I’m not talking tears of joy.
The tears are often quiet, melancholic, and reflective. As the salty water brims in your eyes, you ponder: “What am I really doing with my life? This can’t be it” Then you wipe them quickly so you can properly see the handle that just liked your birthday Instagram post. If it’s that bad, you might not even post on the day because you literally want to disappear. Crying is an essential part of the birthday experience.
The key to ensuring that a birthday crying session happens once and never again is by taking charge of your happiness on that special day. Don’t wait on other people to make plans for you because the disappointment when your expectation doesn’t match the reality of that day, will make you cry blood.
8. Realizing Your Guy Friend Wants to Sleep With You
Heartbreak sucks but have you ever realized that your male bestie who has always been there for you, is kind, thoughtful and fun to hang out with, wants to see you naked in a way that does not please God? It almost feels like you have been propositioned with incest. Yuck.
It’s even crazier when the people around you always dropped hints on how the guy probably wants to be more than friends, but you naively swore that they had no idea how pure the relationship between you two is. Let me not even get started on that awkward moment when the male bestie reveals his feelings towards you. This whole experience is capable of permanently altering your perspective on whether boys and girls, men and women, can be *just* friends.
9. Realizing It Was Sexual Assault
More and more women are realizing that anything short of an enthusiastic “yes” is not consent. That sexual assault isn’t always violent. That it can come from someone they’ve had a romantic or sexual relationship with. These realizations have spurred countless eureka moments—when the uneasy feeling about a past encounter finally clicks, and they understand, without a doubt, that what happened wasn’t just off—it was sexual assault.
The feelings that come after is a mix of confusion and anger. You try to rationalize the encounter by seeing it from another perspective where it can be deemed consensual sex, just because you can’t bear the thought that you’re a victim. But when you see there’s no way to rationalize what happened to you, you get angry at yourself for not seeing it for what it was sooner rather than later. Then you wonder if it is still necessary to tell your own story—it is, whenever you are ready.
10. Being Cheated on With the Complete Opposite of You
I hope no girl gets to experience the heartbreak that comes with being cheated on, not to talk more of being cheated on with a person who is the complete opposite of you—looks and personality. The best way to guard against this unpleasant surprise is to avoid the mental gymnastics of thinking that your man has a type so he wouldn’t chase certain types of girls. Free yourself and make peace with the fact that a man’s type is simply vagina.
11. Makeup Blindness
Eyebrow blindness (dark like charcoal with an arc touching your cheekbones). Eyelash blindness (so long that if you blink, you could fly). Blush blindness (walking around like someone slapped you). Wig blindness (frontal is a hot mess).
Makeup blindness is real—you step out feeling like that girl, only to realise much later that you looked terrifying. It happens to the best of us.
12. Realizing Your Mom Was Just a Girl
It always starts with a simple conversation or a passing observation. You could be talking to your mom about the most random thing when she says something that suddenly makes you see her—not just as your mother, not just as a parent or an adult, but as a woman. A woman who was once a girl, just like you. Figuring out life in a time that was even harder. It’s a bittersweet realization that helps you understand her in a way you never did before.
