Certain phrases have slipped into everyday romantic language, masking their harmful implications. While they may sound endearing or charming, many of these expressions perpetuate dangerous stereotypes, foster unhealthy dynamics, and can even contribute to systemic issues like femicide.
It’s time to critically examine statements that may seem innocuous but carry significant weight in their implications. This article explores some of these phrases, unpacking their meanings and the impact they can have on relationships and society. By confronting these harmful narratives, we can pave the way for healthier, more respectful interactions that honour the autonomy and complexity of all individuals involved.
Phrase No. 1— I Will Put a Baby Inside You
There’s at least one woman you know who has been told this by a man, in one variation or another. These words usually come up when a woman is seen as “too ambitious”—maybe she’s just having a playful back-and-forth with her partner, looking gorgeous all dressed up, or making a serious choice to focus on her career over starting a family. For a long time, men have wielded impregnating a woman to trap and control her.
“I will put a baby inside you”, regardless of the situation, is possessive and objectifying, suggesting that the man has control over a woman’s body and reproductive decisions. In light of today’s oppressive abortion laws in Nigeria and worldwide, this suggestion rings true, so we should start treating this phrase like the threat it actually is.
Phrase No. 2— My Exes Are All Crazy
Once you hear a man say this, run! Now is not the time to start thinking you’re the special girl who is different from all his other problematic exes. If you stay, you will eventually understand why his exes ran mad.
This phrase is the man’s way of dismissing any responsibility he may have had in his previous relationships’ failure and invalidates the emotions and experiences of the women involved. Worse, it perpetuates a harmful narrative that women are irrational or overly emotional, reinforcing negative gender stereotypes.
You want a partner who can do some introspection and accept his faults rather than place blame entirely on other people.
Phrase No.3—You Deserve Someone So Much Better Than Me (See Also: I Don’t Think I Am Good Enough For You)
I’m not one for generalizations, but I have noticed that many women in romantic pursuits listen only to what they “want” to hear from a man. So during a date, a man can tell you that he is the dirtiest, lowliest, filthiest scum bag ever to exist, but he will try and love you because you both love the colour green. All the woman hears is, “Let me try and love you”.
The phrase “You deserve better than me” is often portrayed as a selfless or noble admission, but it can be emotionally manipulative. Don’t be deceived into thinking the person who told you this is being honest and vulnerable by acknowledging he has flaws and that he doesn’t want to put you in the position to be hurt by those flaws. Often, the person is not only shifting the responsibility for ending the relationship onto you but also avoiding direct accountability for improving himself or the relationship, leaving you feeling guilty and wanting to try harder to sustain an unhealthy dynamic.
Nothing good has ever come from giving a chance to someone who says, “You deserve better.”
They are literally giving you a warning. It isn’t for you to decide to stay there and fuck around because, girl, YOU WILL FIND OUT!
Phrase No.4—You’re Not Like Other Girls
And when you ask them to describe what the other girls are like, they start spewing problematic stereotypes.
This phrase is often meant as a compliment but carries a subtle insult toward women in general. It implies that “other girls” are somehow less desirable, stereotypically casting them as superficial, overly emotional, or less valuable. Genuine compliments should celebrate a person for who they are without belittling others. Besides, what’s wrong with being like other girls? The “other girls” I know are literal ethereal goddesses.
Suppose a man compliments me by saying I am unlike other girls. In that case, all I hear is that he has very low regard for women but is willing to skew his misogynistic perception to make an exception for me because he is horny because, honestly, I am like other girls like mad. In fact, I am worse.
Phrase No. 5— I Need You In My Life To Make Me A Better Person
For the girlies with a saviour complex, this is for you! Say this with me slowly: Women. Are. Not. Rehabilitation. Centres. For. Badly. Behaved. Men.
This statement seems flattering on the surface, but it burdens the woman unfairly. It suggests that the man’s personal growth and self-improvement are dependent on someone else rather than his own responsibility. This can create a dynamic where the partner feels obligated to “fix” or “save” him, which is neither healthy nor sustainable.
A relationship should be built on mutual respect and self-growth, not on the expectation that one person will complete or improve the other. Each individual should take ownership of their personal development rather than relying on a partner to fulfil that role.
Phrase No.6— I Can’t Live Without You
This is a very Bridgerton-esque phrase, eh? But in the wake of the current worldwide femicide crises, a man declaring that he can’t live without a woman takes on a chilling significance.
This is a very Bridgerton-esque phrase, eh? But in the wake of the current worldwide femicide crises, a man declaring that he can’t live without a woman takes on a chilling significance.
The phrase can reflect a toxic possessiveness that contributes to an environment where women’s lives are devalued. This statement can serve as a prelude to controlling or abusive behaviour, as it suggests that a partner’s identity and worth are tied to their relationship, fostering dependency and fear. In extreme cases, this mindset can escalate to violence if the relationship faces challenges or ends.
A lot of women romanticize their male partners as being obsessed with them. However, when you scrutinize the oppressive and often, at times, deadly outcome of that dynamic for many women, you would be more cautious with what you wish for. Understanding this dynamic is crucial in addressing the broader societal issues surrounding femicide. It underscores the dangers of romanticizing unhealthy emotional dependencies that can ultimately threaten women’s safety and autonomy.
It’s romantic if my fictional book or TV boyfriend passionately tells me he burns for me and can’t live without me, but my real-life boyfriend? Sorry, but I’m scared.
Phrase No. 7— Men Are Logical, Women Are Emotional
Some women romanticize this phrase so that they can validly accept patriarchal notions like men are best suited as “head of the house”.
In reality, both men and women experience various emotions and logical thought processes, so logic is not an inherently male trait.
All human beings are capable of strategic reasoning, and emotion is not the opposite of logic. Finally, some might consider making decisions utterly devoid of emotions illogical—unless you’re a robot. Men suppress emotions because they’ve been told their value is in stoicism. Women are told they aren’t logical because they tend to express emotions genuinely. Both are false.
I automatically assume that any man who utters this statement is a dunce. You’re not more logical than me solely because you’ve not cried since you were 5. Please see a therapist.
It’s time to stop romanticizing these harmful phrases and see them for what they truly are—indicators of control, manipulation, and outdated stereotypes. By challenging these narratives and refusing to accept them as the norm, we can move towards healthier, more respectful relationships that honour the complexity and autonomy of everyone involved.