Have you ever had a male friend candidly admit that he’s not ready for marriage but seems perfectly comfortable with the idea of having a baby mama? Or perhaps dated someone who shies away from marriage talks but enthusiastically suggests making you the mother of his child, assuring you he’d be a “cool father”?
This trend is becoming alarmingly common, where men treat fatherhood as a lesser commitment than marriage, a dynamic that raises significant concerns about modern relationship values.
Since when did fathering a child, a lifelong responsibility, become less of a commitment than marriage? This shift is evident not just in conversations over dinner tables but prominently reflected in the lives of our cultural icons—from Hollywood to Nollywood, from Elon Musk to Davido.
In fact, you’d find another common occurrence where a man who doesn’t even contribute to the upbringing of the child is with his friends and bragging about his baby mama.
It’s Nothing But a Power Play
One of the most public examples of this dynamic is the relationship between Offset and Cardi B. During their very public separation, Offset’s declaration, “You my baby mama, I won,” was not just a passing comment but a public assertion that resonated with troubling implications.
It was a moment that reduced their relationship and co-parenting status to a power play, presented before an audience of millions. This kind of declaration exemplifies how the term “baby mama” can be weaponised, turning it into a statement of possession rather than partnership.
It’s even crazier that these days, many black ladies we grew up with are now falling into the stereotype that black women are always knocked up and abandoned by black men who are never around.
For instance, Jorja Smith has a song, “Peng Black Girls,” in which she talks about the stereotypes that black girls face, and she says, “Knocked up at 16, you say that’s my destiny.” While she’s standing tall as an independent woman, she is one of the many women today who is unmarried with a kid and separated from her baby daddy.
One of the relationships that speaks loudly to this is the relationship between DDG and Halle Bailey. After having DDG’s baby, conversations about when he would be marrying Halle were subtly diverted, but he was all too happy to joke about having more babies with her. After their public breakups, in interviews, he still notes excitedly that despite their breakup, he still wants to have more kids with her so she can be his only baby mama.
Popular Disney star Skai Jackson was in the news just a few weeks ago, also around the baby mama conversation. She had apparently gotten pregnant by a pen pal who was in prison at the time they met. After the public unravelling of their relationship and the announcement that she was to become his second baby mama, he took to several social media platforms to embarrass her and use derogatory terms like calling her that “Disney bitch”.
Or did we forget the case of Tyler from the Love is Blind Series? He lied on his application about being single with no entanglement, only to be revealed to have a baby mama with 3 kids, and he was just about to walk down the aisle with another woman.
The Baby Mama Trend is a Pattern With Male Celebrities
This issue isn’t isolated to one or two cases but is a growing trend among celebrities, with several having multiple partners and children across different relationships. For example, Davido and Wizkid each have three baby mamas. Nick Cannon boasts an even larger number, having children with four different women. Elon Musk and Eddie Murphy also feature prominently in this discussion, with Musk having children with three women and Murphy with five. These cases highlight a pattern where commitment to partnership is secondary to fatherhood, impacting societal perceptions of family and relational stability.
The rapper Future is notorious for his multiple relationships and children with different women, reportedly having eight children with eight different women. His relationship with singer Ciara ended amidst allegations of infidelity and his reluctance to commit, leaving her to raise their son largely on her own. This relationship saga highlights the challenges of co-parenting in the spotlight and the personal toll it takes when commitment to fatherhood does not match the commitment to a partnership.
Tristan Thompson, known for his on-and-off relationship with Khloe Kardashian, Tristan has become a tabloid staple due to his infidelities and multiple children with different women. Despite his repeated promises of commitment, his actions have repeatedly shown a disregard for a true partnership, complicating his role as a father and partner.
These celebrities have led to the glorification of having a baby mama, with songs and raps about having a baby mama becoming more prevalent in today’s creative space. For some reason, men these days are now keenly influenced by this to also be baby daddies or absentee fathers, forgetting that these celebrities have funds to pay for child support. Women are now being trapped in relationships with babies whose father is glad to post on social media that he has a baby mama but would never send a kobo home to take care of the child.
Baby Mama vs. Wife: The Hard Truth
Ever wonder why some men seem to prefer the idea of a ‘baby mama’ over a wife? For many, it’s about having their cake and eating it, too. Having a ‘baby mama’ gives them a loophole—a way to have a child, which society expects, and still live a bachelor’s life. They can show up for the fun parts, drop in for occasional hookups, and still wear the badge of manhood without the day-to-day grind of marriage.
Here’s the deal: being a ‘baby mama’ rather than a wife often means less commitment for them. These men can float freely, untied from marital vows and the responsibilities of being a present father. They’re fathers when it suits them and free spirits when it doesn’t. They get to dabble in parenthood without anyone expecting them to stick around when things get tough.
And here’s the kicker—when these guys fail as partners or dads, they’ve got a ready-made excuse: “She’s just my baby mama.” This line is a get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s easy for them to paint the woman as the problem, a nag looking for more attention or causing drama because she’s not the main babe. Meanwhile, they dodge the blame, and society nods along, letting them off the hook.
But what does this mean for you as a woman? It means you’re left holding the bag, managing daily life and childcare, often treated with less respect than a wife would get. It’s a tough spot, one that comes with little support and a lot of unfair judgments.
So why do men choose this path? Well, it’s simple. It allows them the freedom of non-commitment with the perks of parenthood—pride without responsibility. But for the women involved, and often for the children caught in the middle, the costs can be high—emotionally and financially.
Is Being a Baby Mama a Bad Thing?
Although the term ‘baby mama’ often carries a negative connotation, it can also symbolise empowerment and autonomy. Women like Rihanna showcase a progressive and empowering model of family. Rihanna, a global superstar, has deliberately chosen to have a child with her partner without getting married.
Her relationship is characterised by mutual respect and equality, demonstrating that a committed family life does not need to conform to traditional marital norms to be fulfilling and stable. Rihanna’s decision is indicative of a larger societal shift where women are increasingly taking control of their personal and family choices, setting their own terms for happiness and stability.
Changing the ‘Baby Mama’ Narrative
The term “baby mama” gets thrown around a lot these days, often without the weight it deserves. For some men, it’s become a badge of honour, something to boast about, without truly understanding the responsibility that comes with fatherhood. This casual attitude diminishes the serious, lifelong commitment of raising a child.
It’s time we have honest conversations with our friends and family—especially the men in our lives—about what parenthood really means. It’s not just about having a child; it’s about showing up, being actively involved, and fostering a healthy, supportive relationship with the child’s other parent.
If you’re thinking about getting into a relationship and the person seems to be more interested in having a ‘baby mama’ than being a real partner, that’s a warning sign. My sister, run, please! It’s important to notice these signs early so you can decide what’s best for you.
