99 Thoughts I Had While Watching Netflix’s Do Revenge

The internet refused to shut up about this film, so it was only right I succumbed to peer pressure and watched it immediately. Netflix teen flicks are usually very hit or miss so I did not have the highest expectations. I mean these are the same people that brought us Tall Girl and First Kill. I was told to expect a sapphic, cutesy story that was kind of similar to Clueless and Mean Girls. At first, I got the vibe but as the film went on it became clear that this was no ordinary teen flick. Here are 99 real time thoughts I had while watching Do Revenge.

1. Another high-school movie, wonderful.
2. Why do all these supposed teenagers look 26?
3. Cami Mendes as Drea, popular but “poor” lead, this’ll be interesting.
4. The Gen Z lingo is strong. “Choosing violence” osheyy.
5. I didn’t even know other people could find out you were on scholarship in high school.
6. She set the mean girl up to donate her clothes to Salvation Army, nice one.
7. Why does her boyfriend have a pornstar moustache? He looks so sleazy.
8. He looks familiar. Euphoria maybe?
9. Not him asking her for something to “keep him company this summer” Red flag number 2! The moustache was the first.
10. That Snapchat notification sound is the sound of sin.
11. Ah yes, the leaked video cliché. Women have suffered.
12. She punched him, very good!
13. AHHHH SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR.
14. The protagonist gunning for an Ivy League school cliché. When will we be free?
15. High school IS cringe, Drea’s right.
16. It won’t be a 2022 high school movie without an Olivia Rodrigo song.
17. Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke cloned themselves because ain’t no way. Maya Hawke as Eleanor is really something.
18. Okay, so we have 2 narrators?
19. Sophie Turner! When was the last time we even saw her?
20. Eleanor wearing a shirt that says ‘Models Suck’ whilst having a model body is so interesting.
21. How did she even plant cocaine on Sophie’s character? Where’d she get it? I have SO many questions about this particular scene.
22. Eleanor saying her dad “restored classic cars” made me giggle. There should be a cliché bingo card.
23. This car scene is so long. I’m kind of more focused on the trees in the background.
24. White girls are so interesting, why did Eleanor just yell?
25. Whoops, Drea screamed too.
26. Eleanor breaking the 4^th wall with the 90s teen movie reference, nice.
27. The cliques are so different in this generation. Instagram witches? Zodiac Thots?
28. These uniforms are so cute. I love lavender.
29. How can her ex and her best friend be dating?? Cliché bingo card strikes again!
30. This Eleanor babe is always saying some poetic shit.
31. Max dey craze sha. How can he centre himself like this? This speech is so dumb.
32. The filmmaker in me is experiencing bliss. The creative thinking behind the angles? Amazing.
33. The big idea has been cooked up in the toilet (where all good things happen, naturally).
34. This plan sha, ko bosi. Let’s see though.
35. Glennergy. Nuff said.
36. I’m really into this “revenge mommy” phrase, I can’t lie.
37. Cliché bingo card alert! The classic makeover scenes.
38. If you cut my hair because of a makeover I will fight you.
39. How can you call someone a human Birkenstock?
40. This Russ’ blue hair is fine sha.
41. Do these people genuinely find Max attractive??
42. He’s chewing gum like a goat.
43. Eleanor has a painting of Jackie O on her wall, could she get any more edgy?
44. I want a playlist of all the songs in this movie.
45. This farm based banter between Drea and Russ is…dead.
46. The tension between Gabbi and Eleanor, whew! *fans self*
47. Why are women with this Max guy?!
48. The anxiety in this scene with Eleanor hidden in the closet.
49. This Clarissa babe dey grow ganja and shrooms on school grounds *gasp*
50. Drea and Eleanor drugged the food with shrooms? Isn’t this like a crime of some sort?
51. I just can’t stop thinking that people are going to get crazy hurt.
52. Even when Max is tripping, he’s still self-absorbed.
53. How can they expel Clarissa AND send her to rehab.
54. Aw, Drea and Eleanor bonding.
55. This Instagram Witch is really dedicated o. Black witch hat and black lipstick. The high school I went to would’ve organised deliverance by now.
56. Male love interest with a motorcycle driving high school girl to a secret location! Extra points for his parents going through a divorce. Bingo!
57. All this paint all over their school uniform? Na wa.
58. Eleanor choking when Max spoke about respecting women. Same girl, same.
59. BAN MEN! – my personal motto.
60. His name is fucking Maximus, again I ask why are so many women on his dick??
61. I can’t believe they’re twisting this cheating scandal into polyamory + ass-eating propaganda.
62. She lost Yale already?? This movie is about to go downhill. I can’t even keep up.
63. Drea is definitely starting to lose it. Does she even care that Eleanor’s birthday’s tomorrow?
64. Eleanor seems to be liking this surprise party a lot.
65. Drea isn’t even serious. See how she’s so focused on herself on Eleanor’s birthday. What’s the difference between her and the people she hates.
66. Gbam! Drea didn’t even remember her birthday.
67. Drea’s pants! I’m so in love with them. Take me to Salvation Army too please!
68. Sophie Turner is scaring me.
69. Not her painting a picture of Nneka the pretty serpent.
70. THIS TWIST. AHHHH. NO WAY.
71. Oop. So Drea is the actual villain in Eleanor’s story *dead.*
72. Eleanor has been plotting on her from the jump omg omg.
73. Now, how and why is Eleanor in her house?
74. It‘s starting to give psychological thriller.
75. She’s carrying crazy trauma sha, I get it.
76. Threatening to plant cocaine on her mum? Karma is crazy o.
77. SHE HIT HER WITH HER CAR? WHAT IS THIS MOVIE??
78. I’m just wondering how Eleanor hid her craziness for so long. Master Revenge Mommy.
79. An admissions party where you can only get in through your Ivy League admission letter. Wahala for who wan go community college.
80. Eleanor makes me uneasy.
81. Now what drug is “K” ? What are these kids doing?
82. Drea’s spilling Eleanor/Nora’s tea . uh-oh.
83. She pinched her nose, yeee. I personally wouldn’t have that.
84. Not Drea just now realising she’s just like the fake friends she hates.
85. Drea and Eleanor’s screaming match, it’s giving catharsis.
86. Max walking out with a slow cap? Hilarious. Drea calling him cliché? Hilarious-er.
87. What even is this scene? Why does Max suddenly know everything? There’s no way he got all of this information from just Eleanor’s texts.
88. Men are mad. This Max, very mad. I personally want to punch him.
89. I wonder how long the actor practiced this dramatic ass monologue. It lowkey doesn’t even fit in.
90. Why Eleanor dey laugh ?
91. Double assurance! Whatever that means. She sha got the video of Max confessing to his crimes.
92. Incorporating the film title into the dialogue.  Cliché bingo check.
93. Again I ask, where all these teenagers getting cocaine?
94. They are playing the video on the projector but I can barely even hear the dialogue. I’m wondering how these drunk/high party guests can even hear?
95. How did they even end up on the beach.
96. Yale is back on the table for Drea because of the Max confession. IRL, we know Yale would not give a fuck.
97. Driving in a convertible with Bitch playing in the background, a full circle moment.
98. They ended up with their ideal significant others! I support this wholeheartedly.
99. We love a cute post-credit scene.