An anonymous series where real people share their interesting life stories and experiences.
In this article, a 26 year old Nigerian woman gets real about how sex with a woman made her appreciate herself and her body more. She talks about her past relationships with men and how certain comments used to affect her self esteem in and out of the bedroom.
I have always been that insecure, petite, chubby dark skinned girl. It’s the way I have always looked at myself and the way I still look at myself. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be petite, chubby or darker skinned, but it is a horrible thing to always feel like you aren’t pretty enough, or sexy enough or just good enough.
I’ve always looked down on myself and it hasn’t exactly helped with my choices in men or in my life choices in general, that’s the truth. But, what can I do? when you don’t exactly know your worth or value, you give access to trash.
I remember my last relationship with Demilade*, it wasn’t exactly a relationship per se because I’ve always liked to form “I don’t do relationships”, but don’t be fooled, all that was a front because I know I’m not the most beautiful girl in the world, therefore I can’t manage to have my heart broken into pieces.
So, I don’t allow myself get too vulnerable with anyone so they don’t do just that: break my heart.
My last whatever you want to call it was interesting. He wasn’t the most handsome guy either, or the richest or the sexiest, but I’ll give it to him, he had crazy sex appeal.
Demilade was one of those guys who was hairy everywhere; his chest, back, legs, and most especially his groin area but somehow, he just couldn’t stand it when my legs got too hairy, or when down there wasn’t exactly trimmed and shaved.
He always had an opinion about my body. After sex sometimes he would comment on my weight “jokingly” about how it wouldn’t be too bad if I lost a few pounds, or if I did this or if I did that.
Eventually we went our separate ways and after a while I met someone else. Ifeanyi* was a great friend to me above anything else and he always made me feel good about myself, but have you ever been in a situation where you know someone was only being nice to you just to be nice? like, you know they probably do what they do and say what they say out of sheer niceness.
I figured this out because I was the first plus size woman he had ever been with. His ex (whom I got to later find out he was still messing around with) was this fine ass, tall, slim thick woman even I was mesmerized by. Don’t even ask me how I knew her, I’m just a really good stalker.
Also, on one faithful day he had made an indirect comment about my weight that made me start questioning why he was sleeping with me in the first place. We ended on good terms and are still kind of friends till now, but I can’t shake the feeling that him sleeping with me was something ”experiential”.
Like, ”I should sleep with a chubby babe before I die”. Something to tick off his bucket list. I had felt this way because one time I had said it ”jokingly” and he didn’t exactly deny it, so there’s that. I can’t even blame him if he felt that way, we chubby girls know how to throw it back.
I met Rachel* at a very wild party a friend had invited me to, and the way we met was so funny, it definitely caused a spark because a few days later I was in her bed. Prior to meeting her, I wouldn’t say I believed I was straight straight, I definitely was bi-curious but never really explored it.
She was the first woman I had ever slept with, and although at first I was my usual insecure self in the bedroom; wanting to have sex with the lights off, not wanting to walk off or stand up without being fully covered over fear of my body being in full view and so on, it later went on to become one of my best sexual experiences.
She was realer than they come, she never sugarcoated and always kept things straight with me. She was excellent at communicating her feelings and this rubbed off on me. We started having sex regularly and communicating regularly. Overtime, the shame I always used to carry on my back started to slowly disappear. I would undress in front of her and do all the things that I normally wouldn’t do in front of anyone.
It was the way she spoke to me and the way I used to find her looking at me. Rachel just like me was on the chubby side, but not exactly chubby if that makes sense. To me, she was perfect.
She never commented negatively on my body, but instead always used to tell me the things she loved. It was odd at first to me because I used to think sex with a woman would be weird because deep down, we would both be comparing our bodies and what not, but it wasn’t the case in this situation.
Rachel wasn’t the most beautiful woman in the world but she looked at herself that way, and she looked at me that way, and that was enough.
We both had our insecurities still of course, in fact, we used to talk about them together, and that was the best part.
It’s kind of crazy how we as human beings need validation from other human beings to live our lives, but I guess that’s just life.
However, I’m happy I met Rachel and got to experience something so special. Sex with her really taught me to love and appreciate my body more, and for that she would always have a special place in my chubby heart.
*Names have been changed.
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