Great sex is… well, great. We love it, we want it and we gossip about it with our girls. Still, there’s a whole world of closeness, tenderness, and warmth that doesn’t require a single item of clothing to come off. Truth is, intimacy is so much more than sex. It’s the small, silly, ordinary things that build trust, comfort, and warmth between people. It’s the stuff that makes you feel truly seen and cared for..

Think about it: sex is amazing, but it’s usually just one part of your time together with your lover. What fills the rest? Non-sexual intimacy.. It’s eating from the same plate without a second thought. It’s sitting in comfortable silence while scrolling through your phones. It’s being taken care of when you’re sick, or asking them to tell you about their childhood and listening intently.

Non-sexual intimacy builds rock-solid trust, just knowing someone has your back, even when you’re vulnerable and it fosters a deeper emotional connection between you two. Honestly? When you nail non-sexual intimacy, everything else – including the sex – often gets a million times better. Plus, here’s something we don’t talk about enough: exploring non-sexual intimacy isn’t just good for romantic relationships. It’s also the secret ingredient to truly great friendships. It makes our friendships feel safe, nourishing, and long-lasting. Because at the end of the day, some of our deepest loves will always be our girls—– the ones we can share a plate of amala and ewedu with, lean on during a long road trip, or gift something random “just because.”

15 Ways To Find Non-Sexual Intimacy In The Everyday:

1. Eating Together (Bonus Points If It’s From the Same Plate)

There’s something deeply intimate about sharing a meal with your person. Not a fancy restaurant date where you have makeup on and heels you’re dying to take off, but a casual meal in your space, eaten from the same plate, legs brushing, hands reaching for the same piece of food.  The content smiles caused by the deliciousness of the meal, the sounds you make between bites, the way you offer them the last spoonful without a second thought or if you’re anything like me, the playful banter on who get’s the last bite—it’s all a soft, wordless closeness that is bound to fill your heart as much as your stomach.

2. Gossiping 

Ever had a friend confess that while someone was feeding her hot gist, all she could think was, ‘I can’t wait to tell you this one’?” or that one person you can be out with, and the moment something mildly insane happens, you both lock eyes like, ‘Did you see that too?’” That’s true love. 

Gossip gets a bad rep, but between people who love each other, sharing other people’s secret is a bond that’s too sweet.  Swapping scandalous gist about a mutual friend’s new situationship or laughing till you cry over some stranger’s ridiculous tweet is one of life’s underrated pleasures. It’s not about being mean, it’s about sharing secrets, reacting in sync, and knowing there’s someone who gets your humor, no matter how ridiculous.

3. Sitting in Comfortable Silence

You know it’s real when you can be in the same room, doing absolutely nothing, and it doesn’t feel awkward. One person scrolling through TikTok, the other reading a book, soft music playing in the background. No pressure to fill the silence, no overthinking, just quiet company. That kind of peace is rare and precious.

4. Gift-Giving, Just Because

Being out and about and grabbing your lover something that reminds you of them is one of the sweetest non-sexual acts of intimacy. And no, it doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic gesture.

It could be a cold can of their favorite drink on a sweltering afternoon, that accessory they casually admired weeks ago, or a playlist you curated just for them, sent out of the blue. What matters isn’t the size or price — it’s the message behind it: I was thinking of you. Those small, thoughtful moments quietly pile up reminding you both that you matter to each other in the everyday.

5. Taking Care of Each Other When Sick

The other day, I asked a male friend of mine when he knew his fiancee was The One. He said there were 7 months in and he got really sick in the car after a wedding they attended together and she had to take over the driving. He wanted to go straight home but she insisted they stop at the pharmacy. There, she followed him into an inner room where he had to take off his trousers so that could give him some injections on his bum-bum. But that’s not when he knew she was the one. It was when he screamed as he was being injected and he shyly kept glancing to see her reaction and she was slightly amused but still very supportive.

Nothing strips away the masks we wear like sickness. When someone willingly stays by your side while you’re sweaty, grumpy, and miserable, buys medicine and reminds you to finish your dosages, cleans up body fluids they didn’t bargain for? That’s a rare kind of intimacy. It’s love in its purest, most selfless form and they are declaring that they are here for both a good and long time.

6. Doing Their Least Favorite Chore Without Being Asked

You know they hate doing the dishes, or ironing clothes, or fueling the car. So you handle it before they even think to complain. It’s a silent act of care that speaks volumes. Love, after all, is often shown in actions we barely notice.

7. A Warm Hug After a Long Day

Some days are long and heavy, and truly, words just won’t do. A hug—one of those hold-you-tight, cheek-in-your-neck, never-letting-you-go type hugs—can melt away frustration and remind you that even on the darkest days, you don’t have to carry the world alone. It’s the kind of physical closeness that has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with love and comfort.

8. Showering or Bathing Together

Not in a sexy way — though that’s nice too — but in a playful, tender way. Helping each other scrub those hard-to-reach places, splashing water, bantering each other’s body parts. It’s so vulnerable, yet so fun, a great reminder that our bodies deserve care and kindness from those we have trusted with it

9. Asking Deep Questions About Them and Listening Actively

At our core, every human being just wants to be truly understood. And sometimes, the most intimate thing you can do for someone is to listen. Really listen. Ask them about their childhood joys, the best birthday they’ve ever had, their favourite colour, the moment they felt most alive, and the fears they quietly carry. You’ll uncover the little things that shaped them and the big things that still move them. 

And here’s the thing — these conversations shouldn’t stop after the talking stage. People keep evolving. Your partner today won’t be the exact same person a year from now, so keep asking, keep listening. Watch how the simple act of showing that you care enough to know them, truly know them, will deepen your bond in ways you didn’t even realise you needed.

10. Sleeping Together

Ah, the quiet intimacy of sleeping together, not in a sexual way though. Just the comfort of feeling their warmth in a cool room. Their arms around you with the softest, absent-minded squeeze. It’s falling asleep peacefully because you know you’re not alone in the night. It’s those lazy, half-asleep kisses you plant on their skin in the brief moments you drift in and out of consciousness. It’s safety. It’s belonging. It’s one of the gentlest, most underrated forms of closeness you’ll ever experience.

11. Casual Physical Touch

A hand on your thigh during a movie. Holding hands while walking down the street. Leaning into each other in a cab as the city hums around you. These small, easy, unforced touches are quietly powerful. They say I’m here, I see you, you matter to me. Casual touch often carries more tenderness than the big, planned gestures. It’s not performative — it’s instinctive. And sometimes, it’s those everyday, half-conscious touches that make you feel the safest and most loved.

12. Taking Pictures of Them

A lot of people get awkward in front of a camera. They have a pose in mind but get shy the minute the lens is on them. Offering to take their pictures, being patient as they fumble through those first few seconds, hyping them up like they’re the baddest model on the runway—that’s intimacy. And sometimes, if you know they’ll decline because “I hate pictures”, quietly snap an off-guard shot when they’re laughing, talking, or lost in thought. Watch how they light up when it turns out perfect. There’s a saying: you can tell how much a person loves you by the photos they take of you. And honestly? It’s true.

13. Pimple-Popping and Skincare Duties

Yes, it sounds gross, but nothing screams this is my person like letting someone examine the weird bump on your back or rub lotion into your dry skin. It’s intimate because it requires trust and vulnerability. The fact that they’ll happily touch your flaky elbows or inspect your breakouts? That shows immense trust and acceptance of your whole self, flaws and all.

14. Laughing Together

There’s a special kind of intimacy in laughing together—the deep, ugly, can’t-catch-your-breath kind of laugh that leaves your stomach hurting. Maybe it’s because you butchered a song at karaoke. Or maybe it’s from watching someone else do something ridiculous and you both lock eyes, trying to stifle the giggles. Or maybe it’s even something you both have no business to laugh at. Laughter bonds people in ways words sometimes can’t. It’s a shared moment of pure and unfiltered joy.

15. Praying Together

There’s something deeply intimate about praying with someone. Telling another person about your worries and having them offer to lift it up to the higher being they believe in is such a tender, selfless act. It could be a whispered “Amen” over the phone, holding hands during a tough season, attending service together or sitting side by side, heads bowed in quiet conversation with God — it creates a bond that feels both sacred and grounding. It’s one of those moments where you drop your ego, fear, and pride, and just lay your heart bare.

You hear what matters to them, what keeps them up at night, what they’re quietly hoping for. And in that vulnerable space, you’re reminded that love,  whether romantic or platonic, isn’t just about fun and laughter. It’s about showing up for each other’s souls.

What’s your favourite act of non-sexual intimacy? Share this piece with someone who gets you.