Real Af is an anonymous series where real people share their interesting life stories and experiences.
We spoke with *Lade, a 24-year-old bisexual woman who opens up about being in love with her best friend. We talk about how they met, their first sexual experience together, how the situation has affected their friendship, and more.
Hi Lade, Tell Me About Yourself and Your Friendship With Your Best Friend
I’m 24 years old and I’m bisexual. I first came to terms with my sexuality when I was 19 years old and had my first sexual experience with a woman. Prior to that, I was sure I was straight because I had only been with guys, but being with a woman made me understand that I’m bisexual. I met my best friend two years after. We started off as Instagram friends but the more we spoke and hung out, the more our friendship became stronger. We’re inseparable, and although she has convinced herself that she is straight, I would like to believe otherwise.
Why Do You Think Otherwise?
At the beginning of last year, things started to get sexual between us. It first started off as a joke; we would playfully kiss each other on the cheek, and then on the mouth, and then one day we ate each other out and ended up having sex. After it happened it got very awkward but she is a very direct person, so she made us have a conversation about the situation, and so we agreed not to dwell on it.
Have You Two Been Intimate Since Then?
Yes, we have. A lot of times after that. We usually have sex whenever she’s in a fight with whoever she’s seeing, or whenever we both get high or drunk. It’s actually become such a normal thing between us now.
Hm. How Does That Make You Feel?
Sex with her is great so I really can’t complain, but what really bothers me is how it has become such a regular thing between us. I feel like her friend, but I also feel like her sneaky link if that makes sense. She always wants to have sex when she’s either in a bad place with one of her men, or when she’s intoxicated. And whenever I try to speak with her about it, she changes the topic.
Tell Me About A Time You Tried To Open Up To Her About Your Feelings. How Did That Go?
Whenever I try to talk to her about us, she gets this irritated look and always changes the topic, like the thought of the conversation disgusts her. One time, after we had sex, she was getting dressed to leave to see her boyfriend and I made a joke about how she’s confused about her sexuality, and her response was very stern-like; she said she wasn’t confused because she know’s that she’s straight. It made me literally laugh out loud and that pissed her off. We didn’t talk for a week, and I’m still the one who reached out to her to amend things.
Are You The First Girl She Has Ever Been With?
According to her, I am. A part of me feels like she’s just experimenting with me, and that’s why I’m afraid to really tell her how I feel because what if I ruin the friendship? but then again, it feels like the friendship is already ruined so it might be a little too late for that.
What Makes You Say That?
If we had sex only once, that’s different. We’ve been intimate so many times, its starting to feel like we’re in a situationship. And unfortunately, I’ve caught real/deep feelings.
So, You’re In Love With Her?
I am, and I think she’s in love with me too, but is too afraid to come to terms with it. We have been intimate so many times, I can’t count.
Tell Me About Her Other Relationships
She has like 4 boyfriends, and I don’t know how she does it, but she manages her time well with all of them. She’s just that type of girl. She’s beautiful, and clearly irresistible. She was getting really serious with one of them when I got in my feelings and basically sabotaged the relationship. Although I really didn’t do much. I just asked about him and found out he was married, and so I told her.
Are You In a Relationship?
I was seeing someone not long ago, but it didn’t work out.
Why Didn’t It Work Out?
I’ll say bad timing. We were in two different places in life, so it just wasn’t meant to be.
Girl. Are You Sure You Aren’t Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?
The truth is, I know I am, but at the same time I’m not exactly chasing anyone away. If someone with good intentions waltzes into my life, the door is wide open.
Has Being Intimate With Your Friend Affected The Friendship In Any Way?
It definitely has. Even our phone conversations are different these days. Plus, I watch what I tell her, which isn’t how it used to be. She sends very confusing signals, there was this time I was seeing another woman and I was trying to give her details from an incredible night we had, but she just kept on acting weird, almost like she was jealous. And whenever I try to talk to her about us, things get really awkward and she ghosts me. Sometimes I don’t hear from her for weeks until I reach out. It makes me sad when I think about it because it feels like she’s playing a game with me.
And She’s Aware of Your Sexuality?
Yes, she knows I’m bisexual.
Tell Me About The First Time You Both Had Sex
We were both drunk after a night out. I was at her house to change clothes because I had planned to sleep over at my then boyfriend’s house. She started making comments about how she loves me and never wants to lose me. I went to lay down next to her and then she kissed me. I didn’t think much of it at first but it quickly escalated. She begged me to do things to her, and I did. That’s how it all started.
Do You Ever Think You’ll Tell Her How You Really Feel?
Eventually I will, because to me our friendship just isn’t the same anymore. These days, we have sex more than we talk. The fact that she’s still claiming to be straight, feels like a slap in the face. I’ll make my feelings known to her sooner than later because I really need to get clarity on the situation. Is she my best friend, or my girlfriend?
*Names have been changed
*This article has been edited and condensed for clarity
If you’ll like to be featured anonymously on #RealAfWith21, click here. We will love to tell your story.
