An anonymous series where real people share their interesting life stories and experiences.
In this article, a 25 year old woman gets real about being the first person amongst her friends to get pregnant, and how it seems to be changing her relationship with them and creating a distance. She talks about being fearful of losing her friends and how it’s affecting her.
When I found out I was pregnant, it was the scariest period of my life. I wasn’t even trying, and I had been on birth control for as long as I could remember, so I was scared and upset at the same time. I don’t want to paint it like it was a bad thing but getting pregnant when you weren’t exactly planning on getting pregnant isn’t a fun experience at all. My long time boyfriend was very supportive and was ready to move forward with whatever I wanted to do, well that’s what he said but I knew he was praying that I keep it, which I obviously decided to do.
My two closest friends were very supportive of whatever decision I chose to go with, and I’m still so very grateful that I had them both during the time where I was so confused. I decided to keep it and I’m currently in my first trimester about to enter my second.
Obviously I know getting pregnant and raising a child is no small feat. I knew my life was about to change as well as my priorities, but I didn’t really expect it to happen so soon. My boyfriend like I expect any man who’s about to have a child, is so paranoid about everything. He’s treats me like an egg (which I really do appreciate), but is beginning to be over the top.
And I guess that’s what created the distance slowly between my friends and I.
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant and made the decision to keep it, my friends and I decided to go out for drinks. I wasn’t planning on drinking truth be told, (I planned on having like maybe one drink). But before we could even go out, my boyfriend was already making it such a big deal suggesting that I just stay home to rest instead because we sort of live together.
I know it was coming from a place of love but I had just found out I was pregnant and decided to keep it like two weeks prior at the time, so I didn’t see the big deal in going out with my friends. It ended up being a big fight and my friends ended up going out without me.
Not too long after that I noticed a bit of distance between my friends and I. I’m not saying they weren’t checking on me or coming to see me sometimes, but like for instance there was a weekend where I opened snapchat and saw they had gone out without me. I’m not some sensitive whiny baby, so it’s not like I got mad at them for not inviting me, but it still really pained me that they didn’t even ask me. This has happened more than once now. I find out that they went out or had an outing without even asking or inviting me.
The worst thing is, it’s actually one of my biggest fears losing my long time friends just because I’m entering a different phase of my life. It bothers me and I hate that my friends may be feeling like we aren’t the same people anymore.
None of my friends are pregnant, I’m the first person in my friendship group to get pregnant and actually keep it, so I’m starting to feel very left out. I’ve been thinking to myself that’s it’s still early days so if things are already like this, how would they be when I actually give birth to my child?
I’m still very young I know, and sometimes I hate myself for deciding to go through with it. I never saw myself having a baby at this age because I always felt like 25 was too soon for such a life changing experience. On other days, I’m very pleased with my decision and look forward to my future. I actually get very excited sometimes.
At the point I’m in now, I spoke with my mother and we had an honest conversation. It’s not like what she said really surprised me but she told me that “..Being pregnant is a very life changing experience and we’re all at different stages in our lives. You’ll slowly begin to have less things in common so losing friends as you enter parenthood is a very normal thing sadly, and the distance is inevitable”.
I really hated that.
So because I’m pregnant, things must change between my friends whom I’ve known for at least 10 years? I hate that so much.
I have always confided in my friends about almost everything and I really don’t want to stop now, but I don’t know where to start. I feel like I’m going to get very emotional talking to them and fear that they might think I’m doing too much, but I’m allowed to do too much because I’m pregnant and my hormones are everywhere! (Lol).
I just really feel so left out and I even get mad at myself for feeling left out because I feel ungrateful when I do. Like, yes I may be young but I have a great partner I’m expecting a child with. What could be better than that?
I just feel like a woman needs her friends. Through the good, bad and most joyful times in her life, a girl needs her crew with her through it all.
I’m now more than ever even scared for the future because I don’t want to lose my friends. Getting pregnant shouldn’t be a reason to lose friends you’ve always had.
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