The Single Girl Diaries is a series where we explore the many interesting, unfiltered stories and experiences of Single girl’s everywhere. From the fun times to the hard times, we want to hear all about it! The stories range from experiences with sex and dating, money, self improvement, career and sexual health.
In this article, *Tati shares details about her sex and love life. She talks about falling deeply for someone despite being against monogamous relationships, the inevitable breakup that followed, and how the situation changed her view on dating.
My Sex Life
I had never been interested in monogamy. It has always frightened me just thinking about being exclusive to one person. I’m bisexual, so I’m attracted to both men and women and when I tell you the amount of people’s boyfriends and girlfriends I have slept with, you will understand why I’m terrified of being exclusive to anyone. People would rather choose polyamorous relationships but are too scared to actually come out and say it, so they settle for dating one person at a time. Well, this is how I felt before *Dotun.
I moved to Lagos from Abuja and then back to Lagos when I was younger so I’ve lived in Lagos for about 17 years. My first sexual experience with a Lagos guy was quite the experience. He was a bum but oh my goodness, the sex was incredible. He used to literally beg me to be his “exclusive girlfriend” but I never agreed. Not even because I dreaded relationships but mainly because he was a loser. He claimed he was an upcoming artiste searching for the right “management team” and me I understood that was code for “I have no money.” There were too many red flags so I was really just there for the sex. I don’t know what it is about broke men and having good dick but omo, they know what they are doing.
I met this girl through him, let’s call her *Oge. She claimed to be a rising artiste like him so she was around a lot. She wasn’t the most attractive woman but she had great sex appeal. The first time I had a threesome was with her and my musician f-buddy and that was the beginning of our throuple. It lasted for a month and ended when I got bored of sleeping with just both of them, so I moved on. Oge was the first girl I ever slept with and I’ll always remember her for that.
My sex life now is a bit shameful. I’ve never had a problem with casual sex but lately I’ve been having so much sex with people I could care less about, and it’s starting to make me feel kind of empty inside. I will never openly admit it but I genuinely fell for someone, and they played me like an idiot. It’s been messing with me ever since.
My Love Life
Before I met Dotun, I had no love life – it was non-existent. I met him at a friend’s party and he was very handsome. The kind that makes you want to gag. I approached him because I was attracted to him and although I put on a brave face, deep down I was nervous because like I said, he was very good looking. Long story short, he was as sweet as he looked and we spent the rest of the night getting drunk and talking about deep things we knew we weren’t going to remember the next morning. I was so horny for him and ready to pounce but something held me back, and that’s what made me scared. I didn’t initiate sex because I wanted him to like me, I wanted more.
We exchanged numbers and he called me the next morning to make plans. I remember feeling so giddy and even more attracted to his boldness. He didn’t waste any time to call me or make plans and I loved that. We had sex that night and all my walls went down. I loved him. I loved everything about him; I loved his apartment, I loved that he had money from what I had seen, I loved his face, his big hands that he used to caress and touch me all night, I loved his laugh, I loved his deep baritone voice, I was in love.
I tried to fight it so bad because it was an extremely scary feeling for me. I WAS IN LOVE, LOVE. I convinced myself the sex was too bomb and so I was confusing lust for love, but I later made peace with the fact that I really did love him. And I wanted to be his, exclusively. I know what you’re probably thinking, don’t shame me.
We hung out every other day for months. I saw him at least four times a week and I wasn’t the one initiating anything. It was all him.
We had been hanging out for almost 2 months when I asked him the dreaded “what are we?” question. I had been wanting to ask him for 1 MONTH when I finally got the balls to do it, so you need to understand that this was a big, big deal for me.
His response was underwhelming. He gave one of those replies that at the moment sounds sensible but really isn’t. He answered the question, but didn’t really answer. He told me that God put me in his life for a reason, and that soon the reason will be known, so I shouldn’t bother my head about details. When he said that to me at first, gosh I remember smiling so HARD! But when I was on my own and had the time to think, I realised his response was very fuckboy-ey and sounded like something I would say.
It wasn’t technically a breakup because we were never official to begin with, but shortly after having the “what are we” talk, Dotun became distant. I didn’t nag, or press or complain, I just allowed things to happen naturally. Shey he said I shouldn’t bother with details? I may have been in love, but I wasn’t stupid. I stopped texting and calling first to see how things will pan out, and I guess he followed the lead because he didn’t reach out either. After 6 days of not hearing from him, I went on his Instagram and saw he was on a “baecation” in fucking Greece. He didn’t tag anyone or post a picture with anyone, but it was obvious what it was. I never messaged him and he never messaged me. He ghosted me and walked out of my life as quickly as he came into it.
It really messed me up tbh because I really loved him and thought our “relationship” was going to blossom into something more.
I decided the only way to get over being in love (which I will never recommend) was to just do me.. and everyone else Lol.
I guess a part of me was hoping he would come back to apologise, especially once he saw how good I was doing (we still follow each other on Instagram) but he never did. He only messaged me once to ask to see me, and although we saw and had sex, I knew my place in his life.
I had a pregnancy scare recently and what frightened me wasn’t even the pregnancy itself, but the fact that I had no idea in the world who the father was. Thats how careless I had been and it wasn’t a good feeling. I know I’m a walking contradiction but I think the whole ordeal with Dotun was my karma for how I’ve treated people in the past that truly cared about me. Sometimes I feel like I should have asked him for an open relationship but knowing how I genuinely felt about him, that would have been me settling. I’m at a phase where, if I have casual sex with one more person, I’ll lose my mind. As hilarious as it sounds, I think the dotun-love-situation changed me. I’m not rushing to date anyone exclusively, but I’m more open to it now.
*Names have been changed
*This article has been edited and condensed for clarity