1. Simon & Daphne in Bridgerton:
Simon
Can anyone forget the copious amounts of estrogen that fueled the internet when this tall glass of chocolate milk, our very own Duke of Hastings, graced our screens? My first thought when I saw him was, who is this boy’s mother and father? I was ready to risk it all.
Daphne
Yeah, pretty girl (in some sort of childlike way). But I kept wondering why everybody stopped to stare at her every single time she entered a room. Like, she’s cute but guys come on, she’s not THAT cute.
Simon & Daphne
I kept waiting for the sex scenes everyone swore was so scandalous. After about 5 episodes into the series and one really anti climatic kiss between our Duke and Duchess, the sex finally happened and well .. if that were real life, Daphne would complain on Joro’s blog that the Duke can’t last more than a minute because every session honestly seemed like a quickie. Before I had time to get into it, the Duke had finished.
Also, If I happened to be her friend who stumbled upon her and Simon having sex which isn’t far fetched because they literally did it in an open field, I would ask her respectfully if she actually enjoyed sleeping with her man because his thrusts were so awkward to me. I don’t know if maybe it was the camera angle?
Even the scene where Simon eats Daphne out on the stair case, I just kept wondering where this uncle was rushing to.
Verdict
Out of respect for royalty, I give the Duke and Duchess of Hastings a generous 6 over 10. It could have been 5 but they did fool around a lot so they get an extra 1 point for not being able to keep their hands off each other. Hopefully, Simon drinks a lot of agbo before returning to season 2.
He is returning for season 2, right?
Btw: Our girl Daphne really wanted her man to cum in her, Imagine feeling that way in Buhari’s economy.
2. Malcolm & Marie in Malcolm and Marie:
Malcolm
Fine man. He can get it any day.
Marie
Gorgeousness personified. She’s just so stunning. Currently can’t find any word to encapsulate the statuesque beauty that Zendaya is.
Malcolm & Marie
This couple is yet again another proof to why toxic sex remains top tier. Girls, sleep with someone you sort of hate but also kind of love today.
I didn’t send you sha.
The irony is that, Malcolm and Marie don’t actually have sex in the film. I think that’s what made it ten times hotter. Their chemistry was too good! The scene where Malcolm lifts Marie’s skirt and begins to passionately kiss her below her waist? h-o-t.
I just wanted to enter inside the film.
Or the one time where it seemed like they were actually going to sleep together. How they were being playful with each other at the beginning; The way she straddled him. Their kisses. The softness of their caresses. It was just so thrillingly sensual. Whew.
Verdict
I am giving them 9 out of ten for the way they left me hanging. 11 over 10 if they had sex just once.
3. Louise & David in Behind Her Eyes:
David
You know that vow you made to your ancestors that no way in hell will you find a white man attractive? Well, David is that one white guy who might make you consider going back on your words, but it wouldn’t eventually happen because once he attempts talking dirty to you with his accent, you wouldn’t take him seriously again.
Louise
I loved Louise and I so badly wished she and Adele had sex. I was actually rooting for her to catch some fun with husband and wife without either of them knowing, that would have been badass. But she turned out to be really dumb, and I mean really dumb. Besides, everyone knows you don’t fall in love with married men.
David & Louise
I really enjoyed their sex scenes, especially the first one (the music accompaniment was perfect). Their chemistry was palpable (See the scene where they fucked in their office. The way they kept looking into each others eyes? AMAZING). And their moans? award winning!
Verdict
I am giving this dysfunctional couple an 8. They would have gotten a 9 if half of their pillow talk wasn’t David whining or Louise plotting on how to save a man that didn’t belong to her.
4. Ander & Polo in Elite:
Ander
Such a cutie.
Polo
So sexy!
Ander & Polo
These two best friends really proved that a friend in need is really a friend indeed, and it was the hottest thing ever. They had only one sexual encounter but I just had to ship them afterwards because that scene was so hot.
Verdict
They get a well deserved 10/10 for that one shockingly good scene.
Special Mention: Ander and Valerio (They broke the scale).
5. Atticus & Letitia in Lovecraft Country:
Atticus:
I told someone that I find Atticus very attractive and the person replied that I have bad taste. Maybe he is medium ugly? I don’t know. I like his stature, plus he has a great ass. And then, there’s just something about reliable men who are willing to die for you. Sadly, they don’t make them like that anymore.
Letitia:
Three words: What. A. Woman.
Atticus & Letitia:
It sucks that it took Atticus seeing Leti flirt with another man to realize how much he was into her. Upon realization, the sex they had in that very unsanitary bathroom looked painful, I wanted to knock his head. Leti seemed to enjoy it but I can bet, like a million other women, she was faking it.
But thank goodness he redeemed himself in subsequent steamy encounters. I know he is not only packing, but is also a great lover. I really enjoyed seeing them together.
Verdict:
8/10.
6. Hector & Lenore in Castlevania:
Hector:
He would have been my cartoon boyfriend if he was less stupid. Plus, Lenore opines that he is great in bed and from what I watched, our good blood sucking sister isn’t lying.
Lenore:
At first instance you think Lenore to be guileless, but finding out that she’s quite the opposite makes her a hundred times hotter.
Hector & Lenore:
For Hector and Lenore, it was the foreplay for me and the gentleness with which they explored each other’s bodies, despite the urgency of their desire.
The sex was so good, Hector pledged loyalty to Lenore. The power of pussy.
Verdict:
10/10.
