The group chat pings. A girl’s night out is brewing. Excitement bubbles, but for some, a knot of anxiety tightens their stomach. It seems like we live in a world where the cost of everything seems to be skyrocketing, especially here in Nigeria. More than ever, money is silently reshaping our friendships and navigating financial differences with friends is like walking on a cliff—one wrong move and you risk tumbling into awkwardness, resentment, or shame.
Titi*, 29, knows this feeling all too well. She was over the moon that the long-planned girls’ trip was finally leaving the group chat. After years apart, she would finally reunite with her two close childhood friends, Isabella* and Faith*. They’d grown up together in Nigeria before Isabella and Faith moved to London for university. “We agreed on the basics for our Spain trip – hotel, possible places to visit. On paper, we were aligned,” Titi recalls. But the reality was starkly different.
“Before the trip, I knew they were in a better financial position than I was. What I didn’t know was expect was how much my lack of finances was going to unravel our friendship, and not in a good way,” she shares. Titi, a lawyer in Nigeria earning in Naira, was at odds with Isabella, a nurse in America and Faith, a product designer in the UK.
The first red flag? “They playfully screamed when I said I was flying economy,” Titi says. “They listed all the reasons business class was better. But that wasn’t new to me, if I could afford it, I would do it without batting an eyelid!”
Upon arrival in Spain, the disparities became glaring. Faith wasn’t feeling their pre-booked hotel and suggested a far more expensive villa. Isabella was immediately on board. This unplanned splurge meant sacrificing other planned activities for Titi, who was on a strict budget. “My friends offered to cover my cost, and we moved”. However, Titi, who describes herself as hyper-independent and hates asking people for things, felt “off” by her friends’ gesture.
The breaking point came during a lavish six-course meal. “The girls spontaneously wanted to order a ridiculously expensive bottle of wine,” Titi recounts. “I advised against it, reminding them it was way out of our budget.” Isabella’s response stung: “‘Why are you so stingy to yourself?”
“Those were her exact words, and when I looked at Faith for support, she just shrugged.It was obvious from that interaction that Isabella and Faith had probably discussed ‘my stinginess’ beforehand.” To keep the peace, Titi spent the rest of the trip overspending to avoid judgment. “It was either that or narrating to my friends that what they consider ‘a spontaneous gateaway’, required careful financial planning from my side.”
Titi’s story isn’t unique. With inflation in Nigeria hovering around a staggering 24.23% and a struggling economy, many young Nigerians who value socializing are forced to cut back, often leading to strained friendships. Transport prices have skyrocketed, restaurants serve ungodly portions for insane amounts, hotels are unaffordable, and the simple joy of hanging out now comes with a hefty price tag.
Yemi*, a 26-year-old Abuja-based civil servant, describes how soaring costs are impacting her group’s seven-year-long friendship ritual. “For three months now, our group of three hasn’t been able to do our monthly hangout,” she says. “One of us, who used to consistently take Ubers, now uses public transport. Ironically, she’s earning more than she did three years ago. It’s wild.”
Their usual meetup cost has ballooned from roughly N70,000 to N150,000, covering transport, food, and drinks. “This hangout sustained our friendship after university,” Yemi notes. “There’s one friend who does way better than us. I’ve never felt the need to hide my financial situation from her, and she’s usually understanding. But lately, I feel jaded even suggesting our usual spots. I see her snaps with her other friends and the kind of places they go. I feel like my own outing suggestions are a bit… ‘low-quality’ for her now.”
Money. It dictates so much of our daily lives, making it an emotionally charged subject, yet it is unfortunately shrouded in shame and secrecy. When financial disparities emerge within close-knit groups, it can stir source of deep insecurity. So, how do you cope when your friends make significantly more (or less) than you, without letting it strain your bond?
1. Confront the Elephant in the Room (Gently and Early):
Money talk may be taboo, but silence around it is dangerous and can breed resentment.
The longer you avoid talking about it, the harder it gets. When a plan starts forming, be upfront about your financial limits. Don’t wait until you’re at a restaurant staring at a menu where water is 9,000 naira.
If you earn less: You don’t need to flash your bank statement, but being vaguely honest can help. Try: “Hey, I’d love to join, but that’s a bit out of my budget right now. Could we maybe try [alternative suggestion] instead, or perhaps I can join for just drinks later?” This opens the door for understanding.
If you earn more: Be mindful. Before suggesting a pricey outing, consider if everyone can comfortably participate. If you suspect not, perhaps offer a range of options or subtly check in: “Thinking of dinner at X, or maybe something more chill like Y? What’s everyone feeling?”
Pro–Tip: Test the waters with one trusted friend first before addressing the group.
2. Get Comfortable With Suggesting Alternatives:
If you’re tired of being priced out of outings, reclaim control by suggesting fun, affordable activities. This is crucial, especially if you’re the one feeling the pinch.
Instead of waiting for plans you can’t afford, take the lead. Suggest budget-friendly ideas: picnics, free museums, karaoke, hikes, movie nights, or checking out a new, affordable cafe. Look at Jola from ‘I Said What I Said Podcast’ – she brilliantly hosted a ‘There’s Rice At Home Get Together’ for her birthday, with the invite hilariously stating, “Because Jola must do a birthday (but she doesn’t have money).” It’s a perfect example of how creative and fun budget-friendly gatherings can be. Ultimately, the aim is to connect and share experiences, not to empty your wallet.”
Pro-tip: To avoid one richer friend constantly setting the agenda (and price tag), rotate who plans outings. It ensures fairness and naturally balances activity costs. You could say: “This month, I’ll plan. Next month, it’s on you.”
3. Set and Respect Personal Boundaries:
Before any outing, decide what you’re comfortable spending and stick to it. It’s okay to say “no” to an invitation or to opt out of certain parts of a group activity (e.g., “I’ll skip dinner, but I’ll meet you guys at the lounge afterwards”). Normalize saying “I can’t afford that right now” without attaching guilt or embarrassment. It takes practice, but it’s a muscle worth building. The sooner you stop equating self-worth with spending power, the freer you’ll feel.
Titi’s experience of overspending to avoid looking “stingy” is common—resist this. True friends won’t judge you for being financially responsible. If they do, it might be time to re-evaluate the friendship.
4. Be Honest About Your Discomfort:
Sometimes, a frank conversation with a trusted friend is necessary. If you’re Titi, and a friend calls you “stingy,” it’s okay to address it later, calmly: “Hey, when you said X, it made me feel Y, because my financial situation is Z right now.”
5. If You’re the Wealthier Friend — Be Mindful:
If you’re the one earning more, be conscious of suggesting plans your friends can comfortably join. If you sense awkwardness when making plans, you could say: “Hey, I’ve noticed you seem a bit hesitant about some of our recent plans. Just want to make sure we’re always on the same page and doing things everyone enjoys and is comfortable with.”
Be sensitive and avoid shaming anyone for budgeting or refusing to split the invoice when you know you ordered relatively pricier items on the menu. Also, don’t insist on picking up the tab every time, as it can not only make your friends uncomfortable but also make you start feeling entitled to their financial reciprocity. If you do want to treat, do it discreetly or offer it as a one-off for a special occasion, not as a default.
6. Avoid Keeping Up Apperances and Know When to Decline Plans:
Don’t do pass yourself and let your FOMO push you into debt or see finish.
Sit out outings where you know your hesistancy to spend will bestow on you the title: ‘BuzzKill’. Seriously, let the people with the ability to splurge, splurge in peace—you don’t always have to be in that space. True friends won’t exile you for protecting your peace and pockets.
Focus on what brought you and your friend together initially. Was it shared humour, interests, history, support? These are the foundations of your friendship, not the ability to afford the same restaurants. Actively nurture these aspects.
7. Accept That Friendships Evolve:
As we grow older, incomes and lifestyles shift (some friends may get inheritence money from their parents, a great paying job or a wealthy partner, others may have been left with generational debt, a gambling problem or is saving towards one big goal. Point is, our financial situations vary). Thus, some friendships may grow distant. It doesn’t mean you failed at being a friend, it just means your relationship is finding a new rhythm. Focus on the ones that adjust with empathy.
In an economy like Nigeria’s, where every Naira counts more than ever, the strain on our social lives is undeniable. But friendships are precious. They’re our chosen family, our support system, our partners in crime. While money can complicate things, it doesn’t have to sever ties. Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt can help you and your friends navigate these tricky financial waters, ensuring your bonds remain richer than any bank account.
Remember also that financial situations can change. The friend struggling today might be thriving tomorrow, and vice-versa. Treat your friends with understanding and empathy, regardless of who’s earning what at any given moment.
Some names were changed for the sake of privacy*
