An anonymous series where real people share their interesting life stories and experiences.
We spoke with a 24 year old woman who got real about her toxic relationship with her friends and her partner. She talks about how she found out her friends were basically helping her boyfriend cheat on her, while lying to her the whole time.
Tell Us About Your Relationship
I’ve been on and off with my ex for almost 9 months now, but currently we are broken up. We met at a party, he walked up to me and it wasn’t like it was love at first sight, I thought he was too pompous and arrogant, but I gave him my number because he looked rich. Fast forward, we spoke and texted often and not too long after we started officially dating.
He was always sweet to me, he took care of me and spoilt me silly. He always showed me love and affection, and even my friends too. Whenever he knew I was out with my friends, he always sent extra money to my account to take them out and all of that.
And Your Friends Were Aware That He Used To Do This?
It’s not like I used to tell them whenever he sent the money, but I guess they put two and two together.
It all started when I used to sleepover at his house and some of my friends will sleepover too.
Like, my ex had a really nice spacious home, so whenever I was staying over, which I used to do for long periods, I used to invite my friends also because my ex used to get busy with work, and my friends didn’t mind spending some days.
When You Say Friends, Do You Mean Acquaintances, Or Close Friends?
Close friends. I met most of them in university and we had been friends since then.
How Close Was Your Ex With Your Friends?
I thought they were only acquainted with each other, like obviously they knew each other through me but I never imagined how close they actually were.
When Did You Start To Suspect That They Were Closer?
My ex and I have always had issues. I would go through his phone sometimes and see him having disrespectful conversations with girls on Instagram, whenever we would go out he wouldn’t properly introduce me as his girlfriend, he would get phone calls and excuse himself far away from me and so many other things.
One day he had travelled but I wanted to stay over at his house either way, and for some reason he was giving excuses. Talking about his house is being fumigated and no one can go inside for a few days. For some reason, something seemed very fishy but I didn’t make it an issue, I just let it go.
So not too long after this day I just mentioned, I was hanging out with my friends at someone’s house. It was one of those interesting nights because we were all slightly drunk after having too many shots. I was holding one of my friend’s phone when she got a notification from an account I knew.
My ex isn’t very active on Instagram. He has an account, but the account is so random that if it follows you, you may even block it because his username is weird and he is only following like 10 people.
So it was this account that she had gotten a message from.
Nawa o. What Did The Message Say?
The only reason I even saw the message is because I knew her password. I quickly scanned through and the conversation was weird like some messages had been deleted in-between, but the message I saw read something like ”you should receive it soon”. This caught my attention because my first thought was that my boyfriend had been sending money to my friend. I confronted her right away, I was drunk so I was even over confident.
What Happened Next?
Well, she immediately admitted that she had asked him for money once and that was it. I was very irritated, I asked her how she had his Instagram and how often they talk and all that, and she said I had told her his handle one time and that they don’t talk often at all, that she was just desperate for the money. I remember thinking to myself that what type of friend messages their friend’s boyfriend to ask for money. If that was even the truth, I would have been happy.
What Was Actually The Truth?
After that happened, I also confronted my boyfriend who apologized and said he was only trying to be helpful, he said he had planned on telling me and I actually believed! So fast forward, I had been keeping my distance a bit from the friend who I found out was texting my boyfriend then, but she had sent me a long epistle, really apologizing to me saying how she didn’t want to lose me as a friend. I actually appreciated the message and ended up forgiving her.
For a while after that, everything was fine. I still used to invite my friends to sleepover at my boyfriend’s house, even the one that I had an issue with. Then one day, another of my friend who is also friends with the other girl sent me a message saying how she urgently needed to talk to me.
We met in person the next day, and she basically casted everyone, even herself.
How Did She Cast Herself?
Both of them, her and the other girl I confronted for asking my boyfriend for money had apparently been pimping girls out to him, and in exchange he used to credit their accounts.
So He Was Cheating?
Yes, he was.
The only reason she told me about what had been happening was because apparently the other girl had refused to give her her cut or something, I think my boyfriend was only sending money to one account, and that was the other girl’s account.
So She Only Came Clean Because The Other Girl Had Been Cheating Her?
When I confronted my boyfriend he couldn’t even say anything sensible.
Did You Find Out How Long It Had Been Going On For?
Like a month before I found out.
Are You Still Friends With Both Girls?
We have a very complicated friendship because it’s one of those things were we have been through a lot of things together, so its very hard to cut them both off, but I’m trying.
And Your Boyfriend?
We’re on and off.
* This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
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