If you’re a TikTok addict like myself, then you know the app is full of interesting, never ending viral video content. I’m so obsessed with TikTok because the minute you get on it, it’s like the concept of time vanishes. Suddenly its been one hour and before you know it, you’ve spent hours scrolling without even realising.
During one of my routinely scrolls, I came across a very relatable Tiktok by a woman named Tinx, who apparently is TikTok’s “big sister.” And in the video, she explains the “Fatal Flaw Friend Theory” as more of a rule that examines how every one of your closest friends has their own fatal flaw or a flaw that is going to irk you or cause you the most distress. It was very enlightening and I applied this said rule to my friendships and believe it or not, my relationships became healthier and actually more meaningful. So let’s get into this rule and why I believe it’s so important.
The “Fatal Flaw Friend Theory”
Once you recognise each person’s fatal flaw, you then have to be honest with yourself and make a very important choice in regards to whether it’s something you can accept or not. Basically, you either come to terms with the fact that said flaw is just a part of your friend’s personality, or you rethink the friendship entirely. Make sense? It might sound a little brutal but does it really? I believe everyone should be a little bit harsher when it comes to protecting their energy and especially with the company they keep.
Tinx explains that in order to have friendships that are richer and more meaningful, we have to wholeheartedly accept that our closest friends often come with parts we dislike, their fatal flaws. For example, you could have a pessimistic friend who always looks at life negatively, or a friend who constantly shows up late or an insecure friend who always needs validation. If you don’t accept each friend’s fatal flaw, then they are only going to keep irritating you each time. You’ll find yourself constantly bitching about it to your other girlfriends and over time, you’ll begin to resent that friend for having it; a trait that’s part of their personality and one they likely will not be able to change or shake off. But if you’re willing to look past it, then you have to tell yourself that it’s just your friend’s fatal flaw, something that is just a part of who they are, and you have to either accept it or move on. This means you don’t get triggered by their flaw because you have identified and accepted them for who they are.
So let’s say you have a boy-crazy friend who prioritizes men over your friendship. You’ve noticed that she tends to put her relationships before everything and anything and you have come to terms with this. Then one day, you both hang out for lunch and the minute she gets a text from a guy she’s seeing, she bolts and leaves you alone, promising to reschedule for another day. Because you have already identified the type of friend you have, you’ll overlook it and write it off under the fatal flaw clause. But if it begins to bother you so much, then you would have to rethink the entire friendship. What you shouldn’t do, and what isn’t healthy for you in the long run, is to continue being close friends with this person if their flaw only seems to trigger you.
The reason why the rule is so important is because, it looks at how people are allowed to have flaws because we all have ’em. And just because your friend has a personality flaw doesn’t make them less of a good friend. Some flaws are worth accepting especially if that friend brings some sort of joy and value to your life. What’s also great about the friend flaw theory is that is helps you focus on your quality friendships; the people who are important to you despite their shortcomings, over the quantity friends, who you find irritating, and whose cons outweigh the pros. Basically, Tinx is saying that life is too short to spend it with people who leave you feeling frustrated and annoyed. And if you’re going to give other people your time, it might as well be with people who fill you with joy.
Read: How to Navigate Female Friendships in Your Twenties
It’s so important to check in with yourself and ask the hard question of whether or not a friendship really gives you joy and supports your growth, or if it drains your energy and leaves you feeling unsettled or unhappy. It’s very important to reflect because it’s so easy to get lost in a friendship that you forget to question if you actually enjoy it. Sometimes we may feel obligated to stay friends with someone, maybe because of history or circumstance, but honesty is truly the best policy when it comes to friendships and well, relationships in general. If you deep dive within yourself and you realize that a friend’s presence doesn’t fill you with joy, or if their flaws are so detrimental that you dread to be around them, then it’s up to you to decide whether the friendship can be worked on or if you should let go. At the end of the day, some habits can be overlooked and accepted while others can’t, and that’s okay.
Viewing my friendships through the Fatal Flaw Friend Theory reminded me to take my friends’ shortcomings less seriously. I realised that small annoyances like being an hour late to everything or responding back to my texts hours after I’ve sent them (cheers to low maintenance friendships, seriously) are minor flaws I can accept because when I accept them for who they are, I’m able to see how much value and happiness they bring to my life.
On the other hand, I was also able to realise the friendships in my life that weren’t worth holding on to. Friends who leave me feeling drained, unproductive and insecure got the boot because I had an honest conversation with myself and realised their fatal flaws were fatal for our friendship. the cons simply outweighed the pros.
Conclusively, the fatal flaw theory states that if you spend more time in a relationship feeling unhappy instead of feeling good, then it’s probably time to walk away. But if a friendship is worth it, accept people for who they are so you’re not spending your time feeling irritated or frustrated. I’m more patient and intentional in my current friendships because I’ve accepted my friend’s flaws and I know that future friends will also have flaws too! But it is up to me to find the flaws that are worth accepting.
What’s your opinion on the Fatal Flaw Friend Theory? Sound off in the comments!