In some professional circles, the erasure of the feminine is so deeply baked into the culture that it is literally written into the vocabulary. In the world of litigation, for instance, a woman standing before the bar is often referred to as a “gentleman-in-skirt,” and female judges are addressed as “Sir.”
But this isn’t just a legal quirk. Whether you are a female engineer on a construction site, a developer in a tech hub, or a trader on a finance floor, the message is often the same: to be respected as a professional, you must first be “one of the boys.” You are expected to treat your womahood as a distraction to be managed or a administrative error to be corrected.
The thin line we walk as women in these spaces is exhausting. You want to carry yourself with aplomb—to be that “corporate baddie” who commands a room with both a sharp mind and a sharp blazer—but you are constantly wary. You worry that your confidence will be misread as flirtation. You worry that your outfit, no matter how much it adheres to the archaic rules of the profession, will be blamed for “making the boys uncomfortable.” You are constantly performing a high-stakes balancing act: being smart enough to be respected, but “conservative” enough to avoid the male gaze—even though the gaze often finds you anyway.
Navigating femininity in a workspace that wasn’t built for you is a skill they don’t teach in coursera. Here is how to protect your authenticity, your peace, your reputation, and your professional standing while thriving in the “boys’ club.”
1. Let your brains do the talking, always
In a male-dominated workspace, your male colleagues may be tempted to focus on your aesthetics. If that’s the case, make it impossible for them to ignore your intellect. This doesn’t mean you have to go the sufferlympics method of working “twice as hard” to justify your seat at the table. Focus more on establishing an intellectual authority that becomes your primary identity. Do your tasks excellently. Speak up during meetings. Be an active team member
When you consistently deliver high-quality work, you shift the narrative. You aren’t “the pretty girl in the department” or the “female lawyer employed to fufill the diversity quota”; you are the engineer who solved the structural bottleneck or the lawyer who drafted an excellent brief. Let your arguments be so tight and your results so undeniable that your mind becomes the most interesting thing about you. When your intellectual footprint is large, there is less room for others to fixate on the trivial.
2. Adhere to the dress code
Whatever the rules are for your industry, follow them. You signed up to be compliant with the culture when you accepted the job, and there is a tactical advantage in being unimpeachable.
Think of the dress code as a shield. When you are strictly within the professional guidelines, you remove the low-hanging fruit for anyone looking to fault you. If you adhere to the code, nobody can police your body without revealing their own bias. This isn’t to say that sexualization is ever the victim’s fault—it isn’t—but in a conservative or male-dominated environment, being “unimpeachable” in your attire gives you the upper hand. It makes it much harder for a colleague to justify unprofessional behavior by claiming you “deserved it” because of your outfit.
3. Master the “Straight Face”
As women we are often socialized to be likable, which usually involves laughing at jokes to ease the tension, even when they make us uncomfortable. In many male-dominated offices, you will encounter distasteful humor that feels like it belongs in a beer parlor, not an office space.
If you don’t have the nerve to shut it down with a lecture—perhaps because it’s a senior colleague or you’re naturally shy—use the most powerful tool you have: silence. When an inappropriate joke is told, don’t giggle nervously. Don’t smile politely. Keep a completely straight face and let the silence hang in the air. Let them sit in the awkwardness of their own bad taste. Usually, the “joke” dies when it doesn’t get the oxygen of a reaction.
4. Keep your social media private
In a professional setting, familiarity often breeds a lack of boundaries. Your colleagues—especially the male ones—do not need to be your “mutuals” on every platform.
If a colleague sees you living your best life in a bikini on a yacht or in a “fire” dress at a weekend party, it can create a false sense of intimacy. They begin to feel like they know “the real you” outside of the office, and that is often when boundaries begin to blur. By keeping your social media private or curated, you dictate the terms of your engagement. You are a colleague, not a “friend” they can casually overstep with because they saw your weekend highlights. You don’t want them to feel like they have a backstage pass to your personal life.
5. Identify and leverage male allies
You don’t have to fight every battle alone. In any male-dominated space, there are usually men who see the systemic bias and want to do better—you just have to find them. Having male allies is a strategic move that can change the power dynamic of a room.
Look for the men who already display inclusive behavior: they give credit where it’s due, they don’t interrupt women in meetings, and they speak up against sexist shenanigans perpetuated by their colleagues . An ally can “call in” or “call out” a distasteful joke so you don’t always have to be the one to do it. More importantly, an ally can be a sponsor, that is, someone who mentions your name in rooms you haven’t been invited to yet. Building professional partnerships with such men is about creating a network that values your output and helps maintain the boundaries you’ve set.
In addition to these allies, cherish and respect the few women you work with. In a hyper-competitive environment, it is easy to fall into the “Queen Bee” trap—the idea that there is only room for one woman at the top. Resist this. The women in your office are your greatest source of empathy and understanding. When you support one another, you create a sub-culture of solidarity that makes the larger “boys’ club” feel less daunting.
6. Balance femininity with boundaries
You don’t have to defeminize yourself to be a powerhouse. You can be the woman who loves fashion and the woman who wins the contract. The key is in the boundaries you set.
Navigating these spaces is about showing that your femininity is just one part of your multifaceted identity: not an invitation and not a weakness. By maintaining firm professional distances and pivoting personal conversations back to business, you teach people how to treat you. You show them that while you may be a “gentleman-in-skirt” or a “women in stem” by their narrow definitions, you are a leader by your own.
The Bottom Line
It shouldn’t be a woman’s job to manage the gaze or the behavior of her male colleagues, but until the corporate world catches up to our presence, strategy is survival. The goal isn’t to hide your light or your beauty, but to ensure that they are always secondary to your brilliance. You can be the corporate baddie and the most respected person in the building, all it takes is a sharp mind and a refusal to play by their unspoken rules.
