We get it; the dating pool is a shallow, murky puddle, so when you are lucky enough to meet a guy and hit it off immediately, you never want to let him go. After talking and getting to know each other, fast forward to when he makes an intentional and impressive effort to plan a date you wholly and irrevocably enjoy. I’m talking zero icks, zero red flags, zero reasons to never hear from you again—a rare occurrence but hey! It really be happening.
Magical first dates like this conjure dreams of your future with the guy. You’re convinced he is the one. You’re asking yourself where he has been hiding all your life. If you are a real lover girl like me, you are even choosing baby names already. But then, sometimes, things don’t always go as we’ve planned. And no, I’m not even talking about an eventual heartbreak. I’m talking about something more sinister and shocking—his radio silence regarding a second date. This man has made no attempt to see you again after the first date.
Now, your mind is scattered, wondering why he hasn’t asked you out on a second date (things are even extra confusing because it’s not like he ghosted you or anything; this man is still talking to you). Melancholic thoughts take over your initial dreamy thoughts about him—Does he not like me? Did I do something he doesn’t like? While you refresh his social media for the tenth time in 2 hours to get clues as to why he hasn’t brought up a second date, you may even try to remind yourself of why you don’t even like him like that.
Don’t fret; we have some possible answers to why the guy you’re certain you had an *incredible* time with doesn’t want to see you again. And sadly, him not liking you as much is one of them.
1. He May Have Moved on to Someone Else Already
These dating streets are fast-paced.
One minute, someone is typing “God When” under Bella Naija; the next minute, that same person is tweeting, “I said yes!”.
One minute, you’re soft launching your boo on Instagram, the next, he’s blocked on all your socials. The point is that things happen in the blink of an eye when it comes to matters of love. It’s possible that on the day of your first date with him, he went on two other dates and clicked more with another woman. Or what if he got an “I miss you” text from his ex? Now, they are back together and happily in love. Either way, how he swiftly dropped you from his roster is how you must quickly move on.
2. He Could be Extremely Busy
Sometimes, life happens, and we can get swamped with work, forgetting to make time for friends, family and ourselves. Maybe life is just happening to this guy you had a great time with, and that’s why he hasn’t initiated a second date.
Another thing is, if he is in Nigeria, it may be Nigeria that is happening to him, and that’s even a grimmer situation than the first. He probably wanted to deliver flowers to your house with a second date request note attached, but on the day he planned that, SARS harassed him and coerced him to send copious amounts of money. Now, he can’t focus on being a good lover boy because he’s on Twitter tagging civilians like you and me to help him get justice.
I had a friend who once told me that when the price of fuel skyrocketed with the removal of fuel subsidy, he didn’t see his girlfriend, who lived in the same city as him, for three months because he was trying to sort out his finances. Three whole months, bruh. Imagine if that wasn’t his girlfriend but a girl he liked and went on a first date with. She will spend three months running kiti kata, wondering why no second date has been initiated.
People are going through it. You sef, get busy.
3. His Girlfriend Caught Him in the Process of Cheating
He probably hasn’t asked to see you again because he is actually in a relationship, and just as he was about to cheat with you, he got caught. Girl, you could have unknowingly become a sidepiece. Maybe you dodged a bullet.
At this very moment, he and his actual babe (or wife) may be arguing over the “I had an incredible time at dinner” text you sent him after the first date. His woman is probably asking him who you are and what your text means, and he’s probably just there stammering (the same man that was speaking eloquently during your first date has transformed into an owl).
He may eventually ask you out on that second date if this is the situation. So, if your spec is another woman’s man, be calm; your time is coming. But then again, he may never ask to see you again because he realized how much he actually loves his girl, probably because she retaliated in a way that restored him to factory settings. Tbh, who cares? The trash took itself out even before coming in. A win is a win.
4. He’s Just Not That Into You
Let’s face it: not everyone you like would like you just as much, and although it’s annoying, it’s something you must come to terms with. He may have enjoyed spending time with you but didn’t feel that there was a strong enough connection for him to want to see you again.
And maybe he liked you enough to ask to see you again, but you did or said something that gave him a serious ick.
5. You Told Him You’re a Feminist
This is pretty straightforward and an actual thing. Many Nigerian men are undercover cockroaches, and believing that men and women should have access to equal rights and opportunities is one of the most effective repellants that will stop them from revealing their true grimy nature to you.
Rewind back to the seemingly perfect day to discover when you must have dropped the “f” bomb. Was it after your second glass of wine? Was it when you were sharing a life experience? Or did you say it upfront so that he knows not to try being misogynistic near you? At whatever point, being a feminist is a red flag to more than half of the Nigerian male population, so if you identified as one on your first date, that’s why you aren’t getting a second one.
6. He’s Waiting for You to Make the First Move
After dazzling you on the first date, he may be waiting for you to initiate the second date, mostly as an ego boost to gauge how well he performed in impressing you earlier. These playing hard-to-get antics are not uncommon in men. They do it well, but they do it subtly, so beware.
*Sigh*
Where did all the real men go?
7. He realized you won’t sleep with him
Many men will set up a first date with a woman for the sole purpose of getting her to have sex with them afterwards. The date is usually just a ruse to loosen her up. They believe that the more impressed a woman is at the effort put into the date, the more inclined she’ll be to have sex. During conversations on your first date, if you made clear signals that clothes won’t go off anytime soon, you might have scared the guy off. Don’t go and catch feelings when someone else is just trying to catch cruise.
This creepy attitude morphs into something rapey when such men begin to have a strong sense of entitlement to the woman’s body. This belief often arises when they convince themselves that they spent a significant amount of money on her and gave her a good time, expecting her to reciprocate with sex as a form of gratitude. While some may have the audacity to suggest sex after your one plate of pasta and strawberry daiquiri, others may be more subtle and tricky in their approach. Behaviours like this automatically make seemingly perfect dates imperfect, and that’s not a man you should even care to see a second time.
8. He’s Of the Impression that You Don’t Like Him
During the first date, he may have gotten the impression that you aren’t really into him. This impression isn’t far-fetched if you constantly have a resting bitch face on, don’t really laugh much, or use a lot of sarcasm. He could be too nervous to ask you out again because he fears being rejected.
I’m strongly aware that some of us may still feel the need to initiate the second date. From the *sources* I have gathered from women I know and women all over Beyoncé’s internet, my advice will be: don’t try it. You set the tone for how you’re treated in a relationship, and trust me, you don’t want to start by chasing a man.
