First times can be tricky and nerve racking. From not knowing what to expect, to expecting everything that can go wrong. Bear in mind that there are no hard and fast rules to sex, just do what feels safe and comfortable for you.
In such a conventional society like ours, there are so many misconceptions and misinformation about sex. Perhaps you’ve been curious about what sex would feel like for the first time? 21 is here to answer some of your questions and clear some of your doubts. We spoke to 5 Nigerian women about how their first time experiences were, and what they might have done differently.
What’s your name?
Woman 1: Dara
Woman 2: Esther
Woman 3: Fiyin
Woman 4: U
Woman 5: Temi
How old are you, and what is your sexual orientation?
Dara: 21, and pansexual.
Esther: 20, straight.
Fiyin: 21, straight.
U: 22, and bisexual.
Temi: 20, and bisexual.
How would you say your first experience was, how did you feel?
Dara: For some reason, I chose a ten inch dick to be my first so yeah, it hurt but I didn’t feel anything mentally. It was more like, so this is it?
Esther: I felt good.
Fiyin: I was 18, so it was in 2017. It was actually quite nice. I was able to orgasm and he performed really good oral sex and foreplay.
U: I felt a lot of vaginal pain to be honest.
Temi: It felt good. Not great, but fair enough.
What was your relationship with the person, and what is your relationship like with the person today?
Dara: We were course mates, didn’t really know each other. I have no idea where he is today.
Esther: It was a situationship. We don’t talk anymore, but we’re fine.
Fiyin: He was a friend I met on Twitter. Lmao he’s blocked today.
U: We are on good terms, we just don’t speak anymore.
Temi: He was my boyfriend. We’ve now blocked each other across all social media platforms.
Looking back now, how do you feel?
Dara: Honestly, I feel very irritated.
Esther: I don’t have regrets. I was ready to.
Fiyin: I feel good about it to be honest.
U: I feel indifferent.
Temi: I’m indifferent to be honest. It was a case of ‘what will be, will be’.
What would you have done differently?
Dara: I would have sold my first time to the highest bidder, no jokes.
Esther: Nothing at all.
Fiyin: I would have liked to get to know him a bit more.
U: I would have used lube to ease things.
Temi: I’d have settled for a guy with a smaller di*k. His di*k was huge and that made things uncomfortable initially.
What advice would you give to women who are yet to have sex for the first time?
Dara: Figure out if you really want to start having sex. It’s best to pick a partner that listens and cares about how you’re feeling. If possible, ease into it by using your fingers or a toy until it feels comfortable, and avoid monster c*cks. Never attempt anal without preparation and oceans of lubricant.
Esther: Make sure you are not coerced (by the guy). There is no rush, try not to be pressured by friends and make sure you use protection.
Fiyin: Get to know the person well. Make sure you’re comfortable and state what you want.
U: Take your time to explore your body; get to know your body before you let someone in.
Temi: Please take your sweet time. It’s just like tasting a new dish- you might like it, you might not. Sex like other activities like cooking takes time and practice makes perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Also, girl, get that orgasm!
That being said, everyone’s first experiences are not the same. You might or might not bleed during your first time, whichever one is fine. Take time to explore your body prior, so you can know what feels good to you and what doesn’t. Communicate with your partner(s) about what you like and positions you think will be comfortable for you (missionary is the best shot xx). Keep lube and condoms handy. Use lube to ease friction and condoms to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies.
It is your first time, there’s no avoiding a little nervousness, try to be relaxed and be as comfortable as you can. Sex should be fun, pause or stop to address inconveniences. If something feels off, consider withdrawing consent. Consent can and should be withdrawn at any time if you feel uncomfortable or simply wish to discontinue.