Bad breakups are the worst because all you’re thinking in that moment is ”How do I move on? How do I start over? Where do all the memories go?” We all know goodbyes can be so heart wrenching, It sucks! First of all, I went through a horrible breakup, so I know exactly how you feel. From sleepless nights, stalking him/her and wondering how on earth they could be so at ease living their life, when there is literally you struggling to get over them. The whole thing just hurts in that moment because no one really understands how you feel.
It’s not easy saying goodbye to someone who you thought will always be in your life. It may take some time to move on but no matter what you’ll be fine, because it’s not the end of the world, just the end of an old chapter and the beginning of a new one.
Here are 8 tips to help you gradually heal after a bad breakup:
(1) It’s okay to cry:
Cry if you want to, It’s okay. Hell, scream if you want to. Crying has a way of relieving all that tension when we are going through things we can’t explain, so let it all out. No one ever said it was easy going through a bad breakup. Cry for as long as you need to. Personally, I cried buckets. The slightest memories reminded me of my ex.
Crying is very therapeutic and it helps! Let those emotions out, there is no reason to act tough while going through a breakup or else, not relieving the hurt and trying to hold it in will come back to bite you and leave you feeling even worse. Release the hurt if you need to.
(2) Keep a Playlist, it helps:
There’s a common misconception that we should not be listening to sad songs during breakups and we need to cheer up and play upbeat, feel good music, but the truth is we all need something we can relate to during this time. There is a certain peace in melancholy and sad songs so please, wallow in breakup music if you want to.
Going through my breakup, I was shuffling through Taylor Swift albums. I remember listening to certain songs like Death by a thousand cuts off her ‘Lover’ album, and all the lyrics were so relatable. I shed baby girl tears every time.
Anyway trust me, keep a playlist of songs you’re loving in the moment, it helps. Give yourself time to feel what you’re feeling; If crying and listening to sad songs does that for you then, so be it -C’est la vie. We’ve all been there, look at us now – doing better than ever without that person in our life.
Find our ‘post breakup’ playlist on Apple Music below, I hope it helps:
(3) Mute them if you have to:
A lot of people claim this is childish but I beg to differ; it’s a coping mechanism. Delete their number and cut all forms of contact with them. The last thing you want to do is start sending sappy texts or going through old chats and relieving memories. If you’re seeing too much of them on your social feeds, it’s not childish to mute or block them, especially if you believe it’ll make you feel better. This went a long way for me because I was so fond of checking on my ex and seeing if he had moved on, and as much as I hated it, there was this sting in my heart when I saw him living his best life.
It felt like I was watching him purposely break my heart countless times. I would watch his story on Instagram and become depressed. It became a routine for me until I decided to mute him on social media. At some point, I went back to check (sis, like I said it’s never easy), but it was way better than him popping up on my Instagram feed all the time. This went on for a little while until one day I made a conscious effort to stop, so I could move on. After I did that, I hardly went on his pages on social media and before I knew it, I forgot that he existed! *Taylor pun intended*
(4) More Self love, baby girl:
As much as everything may feel awful, never fail to practice self love. This is not the time to feel insecure or wallow in self doubt. Act on what you need not what you want. Take time to feel pretty for yourself; dress up, look in the mirror and admire yourself, list out things you love about you. I did not practice self love at first during my breakup and it reflected, I became insecure instead. The only thing I kept hearing in my head was ”You’re not good enough”, this was my own voice echoing. I became so depressed. My head was a mess and I was creating my own sorrows.
I was hurting myself instead of learning to love the parts of me no one clapped for. Self love is hard, some days it feels like you are doing just great learning to love yourself, and then other days you fall back and in that instant you forget you were doing just fine some minutes ago, but that is okay. It’s totally fine to pick up from where you started. This is the perfect time to be selfish with yourself.
(5) Spend quality time with friends:
As much as you want to be alone, you also do need company. Falling into depression should not be an option and loneliness is the worst thing to feel after a breakup. Invite your friends over, spend quality time with them.
Your girls will probably do their best to reach out and be there for you, do not shut them out! You need them. Plan an outing, drink wine, plan short trips with them if it makes you feel better, just have fun. Go out, do some shopping (if you’re broke, window shop. I promise it helps as well), go to a karaoke bar (Shaunz bar in Victoria Island is a good place for that, hopefully it’s still open) and sing at the top of your lungs with your friends.
Get drunk (not sloppy drunk though, so you don’t accidentally drunk dial your ex and go off crying and sounding needy). This is the time you need your best girls by your side, believe me. P.s If you have seen ‘Someone Great’ on Netflix, you already know it’s an amazing feeling having your girlfriends over and taking crazy adventures after a breakup.
(6) The last thing you need is a rebound:
Girl, I struggled with this too! It’s a trap! I mentally kept deceiving myself that it was what I needed, when I knew deep down I only wanted a rebound because I was still not over the pain. I mean my love life could not get any worse, It ended in tears by the way because I was not focusing on dealing with myself.
This is a time to reflect and heal, not get into a situationship. Deal with your pain, do not run from it. You need this time to focus on yourself so make good use of it. The last thing you want is leaving another person broken -or even worse, putting yourself through another heartbreak- because of what someone did to you. Heal at your own pace, but never make the mistake of getting into a rebound to fill up the space.
(7) Let it go:
Truth is, It is never easy letting go of someone you never wanted to let go of. But, remember not everyone is worthy of the experience that is you. Yes, there will be days when all you do is remember the good, bad and the ugly, but never dwell too much on these memories. You need to stop constantly thinking about the hurt and just try to let it go. Remind yourself that things fall apart too and it is totally fine. But, what is not okay is relieving these memories and dwelling on it for too long, you will only end up hurting yourself all over again.
(8) Find yourself:
Take time to discover yourself, be open to learning new things. Finding yourself is one of the best things to do after a breakup. You might have given that relationship a whole lot of energy, so you need to redirect it back to the source it came from, which is you. Learn a new language, write down how you feel, who knows if you’re one step away from being a writer? Eat ice cream if it helps. Take long walks, exercise, stay healthy, re-discover yourself.
Find out new things you are interested in and venture into it. Direct that energy into you as a universal being.
Take your time to discover what you love. Acknowledging that you even want to find yourself is indeed a great start of something new.
You’re one step ahead, babe.