Moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend is a big step in any romantic relationship. Especially for people who plan to get married, the outcome often makes or breaks their relationship. When someone visits our homes or when we leave our homes to visit people, we always put our best foot forward. It is easy to do so because we are making a conscious effort to host them or spend our time and resources with them. Most importantly, our visitors leave soon enough and when we are the one visiting, we soon go back to our homes where we can be our most sincere and unadulterated self.
The act of partnering up means going to sleep every night and waking up every morning choosing a partner and hoping they do the same. When we share personal and intimate spaces with people, habits can no longer be hidden and bad behaviours slip through the cracks. As a result, changes happen, and it takes more honesty and intentionality to choose them every day. For the 5 people I spoke with, here is what changed after they moved in with a partner:
1. Ebun
I moved in with my boyfriend after 5 months of partnering up with him. Things gradually changed. We became too comfortable with each other. Prior to when I moved in with him, we used to be all up in each other’s pants but now, he doesn’t find me sexy. He no longer communicates with me as he used to, too. Total see finish has entered the whole thing.
But if given the chance to, I would do it again. I’d just make sure to do less wife duties.
2. Lolade
After 8 months of dating my partner, my lease expired so we mutually agreed to not renew it and move in together. Things were awkward at first as we grappled with the reality of the big step we had just taken together. The exclusivity was more real than ever and intimacy got more intense. Before moving in together, we could only make love every other weekend due to our busy schedules, but since moving in together, our sex life has drastically improved. The frequency is way better and the intensity is unlike before. We also have an amazing and balanced financial life. We both have to contribute to the home, even though the lease is in his name for now.
3. Rita
I moved in with my now ex a year after we had started dating, because it just seemed like the next step for us. At first, there weren’t any major changes but after a while, it started to seem like everything I did upset/irritated him.
He stopped making plans with me and would go out when he wanted to and would come back when he wanted to. I started to feel more like his roommate and his mother, because he was so dirty and hardly cleaned up after himself. Sex even started to feel weird. The intimacy was gone and the sparks just weren’t there anymore. I’m 100% positive he cheated on me at some point, because his attitude and everything about him that I used to love, changed.
4. Iniekeye
I will always encourage people to move in with their partner if they want to. My boyfriend and I had been in a long distance relationship for 2 years before we decided that I would relocate and move in with him. I have now been living with him for five months. I find that we’ve become closer and I know him better as a person. If anything, I would prefer to have chosen the location of our house, but that’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
5. Tolani
As a result of moving in with my partner, we have become closer and we now understand each other better than before. The downside of this arrangement is that there are more frequent silly fights and less personal space and privacy.
6. Kike
The day I knew that see finish isn’t good, was the day my boyfriend asked me to get out of his house because he thought I had been cheating (which made no sense because the accusation was random.)
When I tell you I had nowhere to go, and this happened at like 12am in the morning.
We ended up settling but the fact that he had the mind to just kick me out like that made me realize cohabiting with your boyfriend isn’t all that, especially if it’s his house. If you decide to move in with a partner, just sha have a backup plan.
Names have been changed.
Some parts have been edited for clarity.
