Can we ever truly get it “right” before 30?
I recently celebrated my 29th birthday and was surprised by how different it felt compared to the excitement of my “Twenty-Ate!” Last year, turning 28 felt playful—I even had a little fun with the number and made jokes about “Ate.” But 29? That’s just a step away from the big 30, and with it came a sudden wave of anxiety.
It’s like I can suddenly hear an invisible clock ticking louder and faster with each passing day, reminding me that 30 is around the corner. Did I forget to mention that society has also handed me a checklist full of boxes I’m supposed to tick: career milestones, financial stability, marriage, and maybe even kids before I am considered a success?
The Pressures of Clocking 30
I’ve started dreading visits to my grandma because each visit feels like a countdown, with her asking about marriage plans. Meanwhile, LinkedIn has become its own source of pressure—every other day, someone announces a new promotion or significant career milestone. And here I am, still figuring out my career path even after more than five years in marketing communications. I’m almost 30, have no boyfriend, and no “final” career path.
But here’s the real question: Can we truly get it right before 30? Or is this “checklist” just a mirage—a vision of success that’s more society’s dream than our own?
For context, a recent survey conducted by the charity Relate found that over 70% of women feel pressure from various sources, including self-imposed expectations, societal norms, and familial influences, to achieve traditional life milestones by the age of 30. However, another study reveals that many women are only beginning to know and understand themselves in their late twenties. So, why the rush? Why this societal fixation on reaching certain points by a specific age?
Truth is, life isn’t a checklist to complete by 30—it’s a journey, and we’re all navigating it in our own ways.
My Ideal Life by 30 Vs. My Reality
I always believed that by 30, I’d be a successful career woman in television, travelling the world, speaking on big stages, and sharing life with a loving partner. But as the years rolled by, reality painted a very different picture, and somewhere along the way, I stopped dreaming and started living on autopilot.
As a child, I wanted to be an accountant or a banker, driven by the belief that working in a bank meant endless riches. Those dreams faded in secondary school when my accounting teacher casually debunked my money myth, and this steered me toward something more glamorous—broadcasting.
Encouraged by lecturers who praised my voice and personality, I envisioned myself dazzling audiences on TV. But after university, the allure of being in front of the camera dimmed, and I decided to pivot to production instead. Even that path shifted when I found myself in digital marketing communications—a field I had never considered but one that now defines my career.
Looking back, I realise the transition from dreaming to “going with the flow” began after university, when the gap between my ideal world and the real one became glaring. So, instead of pursuing a passion, I prioritised stability. If the job paid the bills and left enough for occasional treats, I was content, even if it wasn’t aligned with my childhood dreams.
This approach carried over into my relationships. Marriage was never on my radar, so my dating life was more about fleeting flings than lasting commitments. Yet deep down, I still held onto one dream—finding my one true love.
By 25, I entered my first serious relationship, thinking it might finally be the love I’d always hoped for. But it didn’t take long for the cracks to show, and I found myself “going with the flow” in the worst way, swept away by a current that left me disillusioned.
Now, standing on the cusp of 30, I’m still on the journey to building a career I’m proud of in marketing communications, and my personal life looks vastly different from what my younger self imagined. The woman I thought I’d be—gracefully balancing a thriving career in television and a loving relationship—isn’t the woman I’ve become.
And that’s okay. Life may have diverged from my vision, but it’s also taught me the value of adaptability, resilience, and reimagining success on my own terms.
I’ve come to realise that getting it right isn’t about sticking to a rigid plan. It’s about finding meaning in the journey, even when it takes you far from where you thought you’d go.
Redefining What It Means to Get It Right Before 30: 5 Essential Things You Need to Know
This realisation has led me to rethink the pressure to “get it right” and reframe it as a journey rather than a race. Here are five essential insights I’ve gathered while navigating life on the cusp of 30:
Ditch the Checklist and Redefine Success
The societal checklist—career milestones, marriage, and financial stability—is a constant pressure. But success isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept. For me, success is waking up to work I love, seeing the impact of my efforts, and knowing I’m living authentically. It’s also about finding joy in the process rather than constantly striving for the next big win. Take the time to define success in ways that feel meaningful to you. One way to do that is by asking yourself “What truly makes me feel fulfilled?” Whether it’s creating impactful work, nurturing your relationships, or prioritising self-growth, ensure your goals align with your values, not someone else’s expectations.
The Journey Matters Just As Much As The Destination
I once believed my life by 30 would mirror my childhood fantasies. Instead, my journey has been far from linear. As I moved from one phase to another, I realised life is more than clinging to rigid plans. It’s also about adapting, learning, and finding meaning in the detours. Careers can pivot, dreams can evolve, and sometimes, what you thought you wanted may no longer serve you. Embrace the freedom to redefine your journey as you go, and value the lessons life teaches along the way.
Your Timeline is Yours Alone
Societal expectations often demand conformity to timelines that may not match personal readiness, but I’ve come to see them for what they truly are: suggestions, not rules. It’s easy to feel left “behind” when you see friends hitting life milestones. I have realised that real progress shouldn’t be measured by external standards. Instead, I’m learning to define “moving forward” on my own terms—whether that’s prioritising personal growth, building a fulfilling career, or simply appreciating the present without succumbing to the pressure of society’s checklists.
There’s no universal timeline for success, so celebrate your unique path, no matter how different it may seem. Every step forward—whether it’s big or small—is a win.
Find Your Pace in Relationships
In a culture that ties success to marriage by 30, I’ve had to confront the pressure to be in a committed relationship. Overtime, my approach to dating has evolved—from flings in my early twenties to more intentional connections today. I’ve come to understand that relationships should complement your growth, not add pressure. Finding the right partner requires patience and self-awareness, as true fulfilment comes from shared values and mutual growth.
Rushing into a relationship to meet external expectations often causes more harm than good. Take the time to clarify what you truly need in a partner, and don’t settle for anything less than a bond that uplifts and enriches your life. Love should feel like a safe space, not another item to tick off a list.
Prioritise Self-Discovery Over Perfection
Your twenties are for exploring who you are—not perfecting every area of your life. The pressure to “keep up” can be overwhelming, especially in a world of social media highlights. I’ve had to silence comparisons by focusing on my progress and reframing my mindset. This shift has helped me approach life with curiosity instead of fear, reminding me that progress looks different for everyone. Invest in practices that nurture your mental health—whether it’s therapy, mindfulness, or simply setting boundaries—and remember that self-care is a critical part of long-term success.
Everyone’s journey is unique, and so is their timeline. As I approach 30, I’m letting go of the idea that life should be a checklist and focusing instead on what feels right for me.
For you, getting it right might mean achieving a career milestone, finding love, or simply taking time to figure things out. Whatever it looks like, remember: success is deeply personal. You define it, not society.
Because at the end of the day, “getting it right” isn’t about living up to someone else’s expectations. It’s about crafting a life that feels right for you—one that honours your journey, fosters growth, and brings joy along the way, regardless of the timeline. So, as you step closer to this milestone, keep in mind that your life is yours to design. Move forward at your own pace, and trust that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
