Ahhh, welcome to the talking stage: the unofficial, undefined, and often unnerving territory of modern dating. It’s a romantic limbo where you’re more than strangers but less than a couple, governed by unspoken rules and fueled by a mix of hope and anxiety. For many Nigerian women, it’s a familiar space, but one that comes with a critical question: when does ‘getting to know you’ become ‘wasting my time’?
Is there a universal timeline? Should it be a brief, two-week sprint to commitment, or a patient, months-long vetting process? To find out, we asked fifteen Nigerian women to weigh in on the great debate, and their answers reveal a fascinating clash of romance philosophies. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Sammy/24/Abuja
I think the maximum time a talking stage should be is 3 months, and that’s only if you and the guy are talking from a distance, and aren’t seeing that much. Personally, I can’t lie, I be acting like a guy and dragging my talking stages. I don’t ever feel the need to move fast because I like talking to multiple people at once, and the last thing I want to be is caged.
2. Rita/23/Lagos
My friends thought I was weird when this same conversation came up and I said that talking stages should last at least 3 months. I like to take time. From my past experiences, I have learnt to stop placing romantic relationships on a pedestal, this includes rushing to date someone. Why should I wife a boy that I have been talking to for 2 weeks? Do you talk to your friend and decide that they are best friend material within two weeks? Exactly. Good things take time.
3. Temi/27/Lagos
The hill I am willing to die on is that talking stages should be fun, drama free and brief. Thing is, talk is cheap, so I like to enjoy then get over the heady honeymoon feeling that comes with talking to someone new. I will need him to wrap it up sharp by asking me to be his girlfriend, let’s see if he can walk the talk. Simple. And for all the unbelievers who might say ‘what if you guys break up immediately because you didn’t get to know them well?’, I say to them: ‘And so? Whether the talking stage lasts 2 weeks or 7 months, relationship wey go scatter go still scatter’.
4. Charis/23/Abuja
A talking stage should last one month to six weeks, by then you should know what you want. Me, I sha know what I want in 2 weeks.
5. Diana/26/Abuja
Real lovers do not do talking stage. All it takes for me is one great date and I am locked in. Seriously.
I like what I like, and I know what I like immediately. In fact if I am ‘talking’ to you, best believe I have already chosen the names for our future children. So, if I am ready to move beyond the talking stage, and you’re not ready, I am moving on sharp. No time to waste time for real.
6. Chi-Chi/26/Abuja
After 6 weeks, in fact, I am being too generous, after 2 weeks, if we don’t progress from the talking stage I will just friendzone you. If I meet a guy today, and we speak everyday for 2 weeks (and I mean everyday because we can’t say we are doing talking stage and you go a day without talking to me) I expect that as we are entering the 3rd week, he is asking one waiter in a restaurant to decorate my dessert plate with a girlfriend proposal.
I’m single now but last time I was in a talking stage, mid-third week of us speaking, he planned this amazing full day of activities, at the end of the evening, he didn’t ask me out. I stopped talking to him a few days after, and thank God I did because when I told him the reason later on, he said that he thought ‘we were just enjoying ourselves’. So yeah, I am very strict with my timeline for talking stages because often times, you might think you’re in talking stage with someone, and the whole time you’re talking to yourself like a mad man.
7. Chizzy/24/Ibadan
What is a talking stage? I don’t participate in that. I talk back to everyone that wants to talk to me. If they want to talk to me for 10 years, that’s their headache, not mine, I am not looking up to them to choose me for anything. Same way I don’t believe in the concept of having an exclusive boyfriend. What if other boys want me to be their friend? Will I say no?
The only way I can validate the concept of a talking stage in my love life, is when the ‘talk’ directly leads to marriage, anything else is just a fun flirty conversation.
8. Simi/22/Abuja
I have so much anxiety to keep a talking stage for too long. If they don’t ask me out in 2 weeks, I begin to believe that they don’t like me like that. I can’t even speak to multiple people at once. I’m not even trying to be funny but it takes me years to find a man that’s interesting and attractive, talk more of multiple men.
9. Delight/24/Abuja
Talking stages shouldn’t last more than a month. If it passes a month, I will just assume you are not serious.
10. Debs/24/Abuja
My talking stages last like 4 years sometimes. I don’t expect the person to talk to me consistently during those 4 years, it can be on and off, I don’t mind. Thing is, I don’t like talking to people. I barely reply texts and calls, so for us to progress to being boyfriend and girlfriend after a talking stage, the man will need to put in a lot of time and energy.
11. Esosa/25/Lagos
I have dated someone within 2 days of talking so I don’t know if I am the best to give an opinion. Just do what works for you.
12. Tems/25/Ibadan
I’ve only dated one person and I dated him for four years. I don’t even know if what we had before we started dating was a talking stage. I would rather call it a preliminary stage because I hate all these buzz word labels. We already knew we liked each other before he asked me out about three to four months later.
I think we have different ways that we love. I have to experience people and get to know them before I like them. That’s something about me. So, I think a talking stage shouldn’t be that lengthy. Three months of consistent and frequent talking and going on dates is good enough. It should not pass the month timeline. If it’s going to one year, two years, then that’s bad. You aren’t carrying a child or earning a bachelor’s degree.
There’s someone currently that thinks, quote and unquote, is in a talking stage with me. Mind you, we’ve been ‘talking’ for about a year and some months. In my own honest opinion, I’m not currently in a talking stage with anybody.
13. Seyi/21/Abuja
A talking stage should last at least one month because I believe once you are in a relationship, it should lead to marriage. With at least one month, you should have a very solid idea of who this person is.
14. Favour/30/Abuja
I am fine with talking stages as long as it doesn’t stretch out for too long. You will never catch me doing talking stage for one month plus though. Enweghị m that strength. Tried it twice, because I get coconut head and nearly ran mad before I got over it.
15. Lisa/23/Abuja
I say six months, but lowkey? It’s that long because I’m not always looking for commitment. I like the freedom, the flirt, the fantasy of it all. By six months, the honeymoon haze has usually worn off anyway. And let’s be honest, a lot of men peak in the talking stage. They’re the sweetest, most intentional version of themselves before you date them. So part of me is like, why rush into a title and miss the best part? Sometimes it’s better to just enjoy the vibe while it’s good.
So, what’s the verdict?
If these fifteen women prove anything, it’s that there is no universal clock for the talking stage, although many of them lean towards ‘don’t waste my time’ school of romantic thought.
Ultimately, the debate isn’t really about weeks or months. It’s a battle between the desire for clarity and the need for caution. The real answer on how long a talking stage should last seems to lie in self-awareness. The “right” amount of time is deeply personal, defined by individual goals, communication styles, and emotional capacity. Perhaps the only deadline that truly matters is the one you set for your own peace of mind.
