2024 has been a rollercoaster of chaos, humor, and hard-learned lessons for many of us, and there’s no better time than the end of the year to reflect on our “ what-the-hell” moments.
These wild, chaotic, downright hilarious, or unexpected memories will stay with us for a long time to come and make good stories for dinner parties, but more importantly, our unhinged moments and reactions to them reveal parts of ourselves we may not have previously been acquainted with.
In this piece, 9 women open up about their most unhinged moments of the year. They share the messy, hilarious, and occasionally bittersweet realities of navigating life, love, and things that can only happen in Nigeria.
“My Piercing Landed Me in the Operating Room”
One thing I did this year that was a mistake, and there’s no recovery from in the foreseeable future, was permanent damage to my ear from cartilage piercings.
I knew the right way I was to make the piercing, yet I did it the wrong way. I don’t know what I was thinking. In the process of piercing my cartilage, I injured my ear. It was an extremely horrifying experience for me as I landed in the Operating Room to be operated on.
After the healing process, I was depressed. During that period, I found it hard to forgive myself for getting into such a mess. But I thank God for His love and the love and support I had from my friends and family. It brought me out of that depressive state, and though it has left a permanent scar, I’m happy for how far I’ve come.
– Dare, 25 (Lagos)
“I Burst Into Tears on a Bus”
I had the most chaotic interaction with a Bus Driver this year at Oshodi. The bus was going to the Island, and I was one of the first passengers, so I sat in the front. After a while, I spoke aloud and said, “When will this bus be full now?”
Mind you, I wasn’t talking to the driver; it was more of a thinking-out-loud-type thing. Before I knew it, the driver replied, “Why didn’t you ask your daddy for Uber money before leaving the house?” Typically, I would have ignored or confronted him, but I decided to act drama and do something different. I wailed—the type of cry that catarrh comes out from your nose, and your breaths will be loud.
People had to gather us. Because my dad was late, I told them I was crying because he insulted my dead father for no reason. Everyone started chastising him. The driver was so embarrassed; he not only refused to collect transport fare from me but also bought me cold malt and airtime. H e wouldn’t stop begging me to stop crying.
I burst into laughter when I got down at my bus stop, and the bus had left. As a woman, I learned firsthand that knowing when to cry and when to shout is very important. If I had yelled at him, he probably would have called me “Ashawo, “ and the case would have ended.
-Doechi, 24 (Lagos)
“I Lied About My Age, and Now I Can’t Undo It”
I got into my first-ever relationship this year, but the thing is, I lied about my age. It’s been about seven months since I started dating him, but he still thinks I’m a year younger than I actually am.
Before you judge, it wasn’t exactly intentional. We met on a dating site, and I put in the wrong age and couldn’t edit it for some reason. When we met in real life, he mentioned my age, and I corrected him, but I “corrected” him with an age that was actually minus one of my actual age. I don’t even know why I did that because we’re age mates.
Low-key, I never even bothered to fix my lie because, during the talking stage, I was always looking for ways to escape. But we’re dating now, and it stresses me out every time I think about it. We joke a lot about how I’m a compulsive liar—because I am. I love harmless lies, but now I have no idea how to tell him I’m a full-blown liar.
– Reyy, 26 (Lagos)
Read Also: Goodbye, 2023: Were You on the Naughty or Nice List?
“I Messaged the Girls I Thought He Left Me For-So We Could Be Friends”
I suffered one too many this year, but the worst was crashing out because of a man who wasn’t even officially my man. We had a thing throughout the year, but he broke things off in September because he relocated to another city. His move wasn’t unexpected, but I thought it would end with him wanting things to be official now that we would be long-distance. The way I begged him? I am so embarrassed thinking about it.
At a point, I began messaging girls I thought he left me for so I could be friends with them. Only one of them responded. I thank God because I didn’t even know what I planned on using the “friendship” to do. I was spiraling, and it was not one of my proudest moments. It’s been a month of no contact, and things are hard, but I know things will be better.
– Ada, 20 (Canada)
“I Want to End Things With Him, but the Credit Alerts Won’t Let Me See Road”
I got a white sugar daddy this year and I wasn’t even looking.
I have a little secret for my girlfriends: if you live in Abuja, there are some hotspots where caucasian men typically hang out. Do what you will with that information.
I went on a solo date at this cozy café, where I met him, let’s call him Jim. He’s about 63 years old. He walked up to my table, and you could tell he was very shy. We had a short conversation and I took his number. The conversation was brief because he was already leaving, and I didn’t give him my number because I wasn’t too sure if I wanted him to be able to reach me. He didn’t ask to pay for my meal, so I didn’t even think he was zaddy material.
I called him about two days later, and we had the most boring conversation. He wasn’t in Abuja anymore, so I was pretty sure nothing more could come out of our story.
He came back about six weeks later and asked to see me. We picked a venue; surprisingly, it was a fun date. I was wined and dined well. Our conversations were also better in person. He had many stories to tell, and we had three other dates as good as that before he tried to be sexual with me. I knew the day would come, but I wasn’t sure I could do it.
He tried to kiss me outside oh—like, sir, we don’t do that here in Naija, and his teeth are black-ish. The way I shifted my face immediately, I thought my neck would break. The thought of him kissing me physically sickens me.
He wasn’t too happy sha, but we kissed later on, on another date and it wasn’t as bad as I imagined but it definitely wasn’t a kiss that made me swoon.
I promised myself to end things with Jim, especially since I kind of like another guy, but the frequent credit alerts from him won’t let me see the road.
-Fauzia, 23 (Abuja)
“I’ve Got Mixed Feelings About His Death”
The most unhinged moment I had this year was the extremely confusing feelings that came with mourning my ex, who died unexpectedly. He cheated on me last year; we broke things off because of that, and I moved on (or I thought I did.) When I heard of his death, it was a mix of some sadness and, so sorry to say, happiness.
My intrusive thoughts kept saying, “Good for him”.
I believe I have now resolved those feelings and can truly say RIP to him, but… I hope he can stay loyal in his next life.
– Faith, 25 (Lagos)
“Yet Another Situationship”
The most unhinged moment I had this year was making decisions of the heart when I was not thinking straight. I didn’t know I was doing Friends With Benefits with a man I thought I genuinely meant something to. Truly, 2024 was the year I was fooled all in the name of looking for someone to love.
The situationship taught me many brutal lessons. Now, I know what I want and what I don’t. I haven’t given up on love; I have just learnt to create boundaries and not be available to emotionally unavailable people.
– Steph, 26 (Abeokuta)
“I Got Teargassed Because of Shoes”
I love TikTok. It is an amazing place to watch creative videos and learn about the world. Whenever I find myself in another country, I rely heavily on TikTok videos to know the best places to go, eat, read, party, and shop. So when I was in Nairobi and saw a clip of someone buying boots for as low as $10, I was swift to get out of my hotel, order a bike, and head to the thrift market.
I was aware that leaving my hotel meant I wouldn’t have an internet connection on my phone, but who cares? Shoes first, always! With my limited Swahili vocabulary, I hopped on a bike. Sadly, no one told me the traffic in Nairobi was just as awful as the one in Lagos, so yes, I spent what felt like hours on the road on an uncomfortable bike.
On getting there, I realized that TikTok had overlooked a vital aspect of the thrift market… it is next to an active police station.
While shopping for shoes, a group of guys ran into the market. Took a few minutes before it cliqued in my head that they were robbers. Next thing I knew, police ran in after them and threw tear gas.
Like a routine, every vendor in the market closed their container, sealing and protecting everyone from the robbers. There I was, tear gas in my eyes and no way to contact my family, all because of cheap shoes.
Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one crying as everyone around me was crying from the tear gas. The storekeeper tried to reassure me that it would be alright, but it was hard to take a crying man seriously.
It was also frustrating that everyone around me was talking, and I was unable to listen. I only knew “how much,” “too expensive,” “last price,” and “bye, thank you” in Swahili, and nobody was saying any of these words.
The only thing I could decipher was that polisi probably meant police. After what felt like an hour, the container was opened, and while the effects of the tear gas were gone, there was just a weird vibe in the air. I quickly bought the boots and didn’t negotiate much, he did save my life.
He called a motorcycle, or’ piki pikes’ as he called it, to take me back home safely. I survived, but my personal advice is to never leave your hotel without informing anyone about your whereabouts or at least getting a SIM card. But at least I got amazing shoes.
– Shiera, 25 (Lagos)
“When They Go Low, I Say Go Lower”
This year, get as e be. I did something I’m not too proud of.
So, unfortunately, I lived with my landlady, who was wicked, passive-aggressive, and very dirty. I couldn’t take it anymore, and since it was her house, I had no other option than to leave. Living with that woman was the worst experience in my adult life.
The day my rent was due, she said I was to pack out by 6:30 a.m. I had to cry to this woman to allow me to stay until 10 a.m., and she reluctantly agreed.
On the day I was to move, she left the house early. As I was packing, it dawned upon me that I was alone, and all the wickedness that woman showed me kept on ringing in my head. I decided to do my own back. She left a bucket filled with dirty water that she used to clean the house, like two days ago, imagine! So I used her cup and poured small quantities of the dirty water into almost everything in her fridge. I also spat on the items inside.
Normally, I wouldn’t do this, but I think one of the lessons I learned this year was no need to wait for karma; if you get the chance, do your own back.
-Ene, 25 (Portharcourt)
*Names were changed for the sake of privacy, and responses were edited for the sake of clarity.
