I think it’s very clear that women today have it easier than our mothers’ generation did. We have grown up with having access to birth control as well as the freedom to talk about sex freely with our girlfriends, or even on the internet. Women of today are more liberated than ever (and we truly love to see it).
Casual sex is no longer a taboo, women are more independent and aren’t ashamed about earning or spending their hard earned money and finally, society now recognizes women as independent humans (well, most of the time).
However despite all this, navigating sex, dating and relationships isn’t still so easy. From time to time as liberated as we now are, we still cringe or get anxiety from having to do certain things or when we’re in certain situations: Who else feels super embarrassed when going to buy a condom or even an emergency pill?
From awkward sexting to conversations about body count, 7 Nigerian women share their sexual anxieties.
1. The Looks I Get From Women Selling Me A Pregnancy Home Test Strip
One of the things I dread the most, is having to walk into a pharmacy to ask for a pregnancy home test or an emergency contraceptive. I said ask not buy because in most pharmacy’s I’ve been to, you can’t just pick them up, you have to literally walk to the counter to ask for it. It is so awkward and the people behind the counter DO NOT help either. I’ve noticed that usually if it’s a man, he’ll just do what he’s supposed to do, which is to sell it to you and keep it moving. But if it’s a woman at the counter, she will first squeeze her nose accompanied with the most judgemental look before selling it to you, especially if you look young and unmarried, like its such a taboo or something. It makes me so uncomfortable and gives me so much anxiety. I always picture myself walking out of the store and them beginning to gossip.
Solape, 22
2. I’ve Never Been Comfortable Sending My Boyfriend Naked Pictures
It almost seems like once you’re in a relationship its the norm to send nudes from time to time, but for me I’ve always remained conflicted and it doesn’t help that when I speak to my friends about it, they agree that its normal and they do it all the time. I’ve never done it but according to everyone else, its such an important part of many relationships. What makes me anxious the most is, what if we break up and they still keep my nudes and even worse, blackmail me with it? Sounds like headache to me abeg.
Tamilore, 25
Read: From Posting My Nudes To Being Manipulated, My Last Relationship Was Very Toxic
3. Having To Lie When You’re Not In The Mood For Sex
I just know I can’t be the only woman who thinks of a lie to tell her partner when she doesn’t want to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and I’ll like to think I have a high sex drive but ogbeni, its not every time your kitty is in the mood and most especially, its not every time you yourself are in the mood. Its just crazy how you sometimes have to think of a lie because if you simply tell your man “baby, I’m not in the mood”, only God knows where his mind will fly to.
Evelyn, 27
4. Having A High Body Count
I’m sometimes self conscious about the fact that I have a high body count, but then again I tell myself, what exactly is high and what is low? Whenever I’m with people and the conversation comes up, I find myself decreasing my number. In the moment I feel embarrassed to tell my actual body count and then moments later, I’m embarrassed at myself for lying, like who will beat me for saying the truth? It just gets to me sometimes but in hindsight, I don’t really care.
Debbie, 25
5. Sleeping With Someone On The First Date
Society and its many rules. Personally, I don’t see any issue in hooking up with someone on the first date or whatever, especially if there’s a good vibe and you’re both getting along and there’s undeniable sexual tension. I’m a strong believer that if you decide to wait 60 days before sleeping with someone, it wouldn’t change anything. If they want to leave you, they will still leave you, and if you decide to sleep with someone on the first date, same thing applies. I remember getting with someone the week we met and telling my friend, if you see the way she judged me, you would have thought I slept with her father.
Oge, 27
6. It Feels So Weird Talking About Masturbating
Its been refreshing to see how the taboo around female masturbation has become less, but it’s still sha there. There have been moments were I’ve wanted to talk to my friends about it, but I’ve stopped myself out of fear that they’ll either judge me or conclude that maybe I do it too much. I don’t know what it is, but I feel embarrassed whenever I want to bring the topic up with friends.
Nini, 24
7. Sexting Makes Me So Uncomfortable
Till the day I die, I don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of phone sex or sexting. It’s so awkward and it makes me so anxious because whenever I find myself in the situation, I just want the ground to swallow me whole because how do people do it and actually be into it? I’ve tried and failed many times.
Oyindamola, 24
*Some responses have been edited and condensed for clarity.
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