Having a strong and connected circle of friends should honestly be a celebrated feat because let’s face it, the path to sustainable and fulfilling friendships is riddled with a lot of drama and often times, not a lot of people get to the fulfilling part. Friendships are undeniably important but you have to realize that things can only work when you are just as important to the people you hold so dear to your heart.
Not being rated in your friendship is a valid reason to walk away, especially if you’ve expressed how you felt and nothing still changes or worse, when the parties you poured out your heart to invalidate your feelings and make you question your hurt.
If you have to constantly prove yourself or whine before you’re treated right, then I think it’s time you start reevaluating your circle. In this article 12 Nigerian women share their experiences on not being rated and valued in their friendship group, and its honestly a must read.
1. Simi, 24
I like my men drop dead gorgeous, tall and nicely built and I’ve noticed it has caused friction between I and my friends on one too many occasions. I guess my friends think I’m not all that, so they don’t understand how I score myself super attractive partners and it’s honestly annoying.
One of my friends even asked me why I like dating attractive people and I remember recoiling. Like what? Why does it even bother you? She said and I quote, “your relationships would be a lot happier if you date men that aren’t all that fine. Look at me now, my boyfriend is okay looking and we’re very happy.”
The conversation was extremely off putting. They make it seem like each time I wound up with a good looking partner I had to throw myself at them to get their attention, mind you that is not the case, these men approach me! I hate the fact that I have to keep subsequent relationships away from them but it’s better than constantly having to deal with the fact that my friends don’t think I’m good enough for the men I date.
2. Adaeze, 18
It took me a while to piece together that my friends didn’t really value me. They never invited me out to outings or gatherings, but when they have issues they call me to mouth off about each other and then when things are settled they go back to neglecting me. Plus, when they’re out of their allowance, they don’t hesitate to call on me for cash inputs.
I tried to make myself believe that I was that friend they could count on at all times but I just had to let go of the friendship when it became clear to me that I couldn’t count on them for anything. I’ve made three new friends and a lot of acquaintances and it’s all been good. Friendship is a two way street and I don’t plan on going back to giving my all and getting nothing in return.
3. Demi, 27
I knew my friends hated me when I found out they were the reason why my ex broke up with me. I had been cheating in the relationship and obviously I confided in my close friends who confided in him because they obviously couldn’t stand seeing me do me. And no, they met my ex through me, they didn’t know him before that. I still later found out he fucked both of them, at the same time.
4. Oluchi, 26
I’d been friends with this babe for a long time and I honestly thought we were super tight and had a pretty amazing friendship, until one day she got mad at me and had an eruption. It really hurt to hear how she really felt about me in her outburst. With everything that came tumbling out of her mouth it dawned on me that I was the only one claiming friendship and she was just putting up with me. Nothing could really be worked out after that.
5. Oge, 22
I was in the worst phase of my life because I found out I was pregnant and didn’t want to keep it. I ended up having an abortion and the only person that knew was a friend I thought I could trust. I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I knew he would have wanted me to keep it. Long story short she told my boyfriend and even proceeded to lying that it wasn’t the first time I had an abortion while dating him, which wasn’t true. So much transpired during that period but that’s truly when I knew she didn’t rate me at all.
6. Tosin, 25
We were getting dressed to go clubbing and she kept on making comments like I looked too sexy, or my breasts were really popping out in my dress, or that I was going to attract the wrong kind of people. Bear in mind we were going clubbing and she was practically half naked, but did I make any comments? I did not. Like a few weeks after that, we were supposed to go for an event but I fell sick with food poisoning. The only meal I had that day was cooked by her so nobody can tell me anything, I’m 100% sure that her insecure self poisoned me.
7. Seun, 20
We were a trio and at some point in the friendship, one of them slept with a family member and when shit didn’t work out after the sex, she blamed me and things weren’t the same after. On top of that she had been in two situationships back to back, and I wasn’t in support because I knew those guys weren’t all that but she thought I was jealous.
The third member of the friendship group was such a neutrality fanatic, she never wanted to pick a side and she never really understood that expressing her opinion could have completely helped us/the friendship. Honestly my subsequent friendships have been with guys and they are more intentional about our friendship.
8. Fifi, 33
The moment I realized my friends didn’t value me was when it was my turn to be celebrated and they all turned a blind eye… I mean it wasn’t really a conventional celebration but I’ve celebrated with them over miniscule things a lot of times. It hurt my feelings but I had to play it cool.
9. Nafi, 26
We both wanted to create similar brands so we decided to come together and be business partners. It started off very well, everyone who knew me knew I was so excited to kick off the business. I had sleepless nights creating business plans and trying to network with the right people in time for our launch. She was very nonchalant and went along with all my plans (not sure how I didn’t see this as a red flag then). So one day I woke up and saw she had already created an Instagram page for it, it wasn’t a problem because I liked that she had done that because to me I felt she was thinking ahead. When I asked her for the long in details she refused to give me and she kept postponing doing so. Long story summarized, she stole my business name and all the ideas I had shared with her, and launched the business as her own. When I tried to reason with her, she told me the business was originally her idea and she had decided to go solo. Can you believe this was someone I called a friend?
10. Ayo, 24
She said I reminded her of Deborah from Blue Therapy because my man used to spoil me and buy me gifts. That was the moment I realized she definitely wasn’t a friend, but a bitter bitch.
11. Onisesi, 19
My guy best friend and I split some months ago and it was super difficult for me to walk away but I’m glad I did. We practically watched ourselves grow up and we were super tight at first but things started to change these past couple of years. He would air me, make me feel small every time I shared my wins and give me selective responses. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I talked to him about it and we worked things out but nothing changed, in fact things got worse and it was honestly irritating because I had nothing to gain from him. I was always the one breaking my back to make him happy and be there for him and he’s only ever nice when he’s taking, which is all he ever does. So I decided to end things for good, I gave him a breakdown of his behavior and expressed how I felt and he was very flippant and dismissive at first but then he came around and tried to make me feel bad for wanting to end things before proceeding to invalidate my feelings.
Then he got mad when I wasn’t letting up like I usually do and aired me. He texted me weeks after saying he misses me, that’s his tactic, he loves to sweep things under the carpet. At that moment it became clear to me he didn’t value me enough to apologize or own up and work things out like an adult and that hurt. I’m happier now and focusing on my other friendships.
12. Ana, 24
The moment I knew I didn’t have a friend in this girl was when she admitted to sharing private images and videos I shared with her, with other people. And she only admitted because she was caught.
*Names have been changed.