Over the years, I’ve observed how both my hairstyles and those of my friends influence the way we’re treated and the attention we receive. It’s so interesting. While we don’t live for the male gaze, there’s a genuine curiosity in exploring the types of men our chosen hairstyles might attract.
Bone Straight/ Human Hair Weave
If you’re wearing a bone straight weave, you’ve automatically positioned yourself as a high-maintenance girlie. The longer the weave, the richer the man you attract.
Your luscious Brazilian SDD 28-inch jet-black buss down (the one that prompted you to add casa flakes and floating nuts to your food menu for two months straight) attracts wildly successful black men (read: yahoo boys) who want you to relax and be taken care of.
These kinds of men are often supportive and want their woman to excel at whatever she does while looking phenomenal, because, from the get-go, he can tell that you can hold your own. I mean, many men are shocked when they see a woman casually walking around with people’s monthly or annual rent on her head; he is instinctually driven to ease whatever stress comes your way.
Men like this excel in various aspects of their lives and strive for success in their love lives as well. Your wishes are practically his command. However, be prepared, as a man of this nature will always want to show you off/showcase you, but not always in the most respectful way. These kinds of men love to seek trophy girlfriends.
Synthetic Weaves
This life no balance, but I don’t make the rules—the spongier the weave on your head, the better. As a black woman, if you have a bad synthetic weave on, you will attract a whitey. And I’m not even talking about a sub-standard colonizer; I’m talking millionaire status, white man. Specifically, the type that wants his Nubian queen to stay home all day in a gigantic mansion with nannies who take care of their adorable mixed children.
Do as you please with this information. Sprinkle Sprinkle.
Braids
It doesn’t matter if they are knotless, cornrows or twists, braids are a 10/10 for every black girl and no man can resist our charm in it.
Bald Hair
There’s no nice way to say it, but before you find any man who will appreciate your beauty while bald, your hair will have grown back like Rapunzel’s. Not every girl is bold enough to pull off the bald look, but the ones that do always serve a miraculous face card. You’re audacious and brave; your hair is an unequivocal testament to that. Sadly, many men detest such personality traits in women.
If you cut your hair, and he cuts his hair, how would people be able to identify the head of the house?
Locs, Faux Locs or Dreads
There’s something about artsy men— especially writers, musicians (not rappers), artists—and girls with locs. Because they are dreamers constantly tapping into their creative side, these category of men are drawn to the ethereal allure that locs exude. They are usually sweet, sensitive and very in tune with their emotions. He will never miss a good morning/night text; he will track your cycle on flo just so he can always send you a period care set right on time, and he will (successfully) convince you to get matching tattoos.
You will need to tread carefully, though; upcoming musicians are a huge part of this demographic, and one thing is certain: they will use rizz to finish you. If you lose guard with them by mistake, you have 3-5 working days before you fall head over heels in love.
The breakfast men like this serve will keep you full for a very long time, and when you think you are ready to move on, you might wake up one day to find out that the vn you once sent him, crying and pouring your heart out, is the intro for his first ever song that decides to blow.
A word is enough for the wise.
Natural Hair
Style your ‘fro in a puff or leave it out, and an old man will be with you shortly. When an old man spots a lady in natural hair, he is transported to simpler times (the 60s and 50s)—when he was young, and the women in his prime were slaying left, right and centre in natural curls. In fact, you may have even reminded him of a specific Y2K baddie with a ‘fro he used to crush on, but never got the chance to date then because his money never reach. But now is his time to shine, and you, in your natural hair, are now the object of an unfulfilled desire that has been marinating for over 20 years. Girl, get prepared to be spoiled silly.
The only downside to this kind of man (apart from erectile dysfunction), is how opinionated he will be about your lifestyle. Even though he probably propositioned a relationship with you by starting with “I think we are all matured here…”, he will still try to control every aspect of your life, down to what you wear and how late you can be out at night.
Ponytail
Sleek-back ponytails are effortlessly chic and sophisticated. It’s why men who work corporate 9-5s cannot get enough of the girls rocking it. They automatically assume that any woman in a ponytail is organised, gracious and well-mannered. That’s precisely the kind of girl they want to bring to office parties to introduce to their bosses or tension their work wife.
On the flip side, be prepared to hate the doggy-style position because, after office hours, he will need something to pull on to release the capitalist aggression compounded by the million times he had to lie in response to the question: “I hope this email finds you well?”.
Exploring your hair and trying different hairstyles is a personal journey for self-expression and enjoyment. Remember, it’s all about expressing yourself and having fun, without worrying about others’ opinions, especially from men.
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I look forward to your future articles.