If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve got a ‘situation’ on your hands. The chemistry is bubbling, the eye contact is lethal, and for the first time in a loooooong time, the feeling seems mutual. But you can’t shake that self-preservation instinct in your heart. You’re currently in the ‘all-eyes-squinted’ phase, staring at your phone and trying to decode his entire existence. Is he actually trying to be there for a long time, or is he just here for a good time? Am I his soulmate, or just a temporary dopamine hit? Does he like me or just the idea of me? Is it lust just masquerading as love? Here are 6 sure-fire signs that reveal that it is lust:
1. He Has the Communication Schedule of a Vampire
If he only exists in your notifications after the sun goes down, honey, he truly is a vampire looking for a late-night snack. And if you offer yourself to him at a time you’re looking for love, your gon’ have your joy sucked out.
Once there’s a pattern of him calling, texting or trying to meet you up only in the night, that’s a blazing red flag. In a Love scenario, he cares about your 9:00 AM presentation and your 4:00 PM visit to your grandparents. In a “Lust” scenario, he cares about your 1:00 AM “Who’s up?” tweet.
2. The Lovebombing is Nuclear
Sometimes, I find it hard to grasp the concept of love bombing because if someone I just met showers me excessively with love and attention, I will think it’s because I deserve it. But apparently, it has been revealed time and time again that, that’s not the case AT ALL. In most cases, if a guy is telling you that you’re his “soulmate” and “the woman he’s been waiting for” by the second g & t on night one, run.
Lust is obsessed with the idea of you and lovebombing in situations of lust is an intense, unsustainable burst of romantic gestures designed to hook you before you notice the red flags. Real love is a slow burn. It takes time.
3. He says (And it genuinely feels like) he loves you, But he doesn’t actually know you
You meet a guy, he says he loves you—and acts like it. He’s so convincing your brain turns into a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal. The chemistry is so loud, your group chat is exhausted from the screenshots you just have to show them, and you’re already mentally shopping for matching silk pajamas for a “soft-launch” Christmas post. On paper, he’s a total catch; he ticks every box on the Reasonable Woman’s Guide to Dating.
But the hard hitting truth: Just because he confesses to love you, doesn’t mean he does. You need to ask yourself truthfully, does this man even know me?
I mean, he might know your favorite author, the three countries you’ve visited, and that your favorite color is pink. But has he asked a single follow-up question about why you’re so specifically passionate about that color in October? Does he know the childhood fear that still makes you hesitate, or your aspirations in life? When you see a guy is apathetic to the deep, complex, beautiful and twisted things that make YOU, he’s just high on his own supply of pheromones and not in love with you. Lust thrives on surface-level banter.
4. It’s All About Them (Even When It Might Seem Its For You)
Have you ever met a man who makes sure he benefits from anything he does for you? This is the ultimate trap because the relationship is rosy until the moment he no longer wants you, then you realize you’re standing on your own.
He’ll drop a bag to take you clubbing because he wants to see you in a tight dress and have the world see him with you. But the moment you mention needing support to scale your business or help with a genuine crisis? Suddenly, he’s “out of office.” He’ll invest in the version of you that entertains him, but he won’t invest in the version of you that is you.
A trending example of self-serving generosity is when a man offers to whisk you away to a luxury resort right off the bat of talking to him.
On the surface, it feels like a fairy tale. You’re thinking, “Wow, he really adores me.” But let’s be for real: all na tactic. If he hasn’t even bothered to take you for a proper dinner in your own city but wants to take you across an ocean, you need to look at the fine print.
Nine times out of ten, he didn’t plan this trip because he can’t spend another second without you. He planned it because he already had the villa, he already had the itinerary, and he just needed a beautiful woman to fill the “Girlfriend” slot in his vacation photos. In his mind, you aren’t the guest of honor, you’re a line item on his to-do list (literally). There’s been tales of men leaving girls stranded at vacations for refusing sex.
Don’t let any man export you for his own entertainment.
5. Sexual Attraction is the Only Load-Bearing Wall
If you took sex off the table for two weeks, would you have anything to talk about? If the thought of just sitting on a couch with him, fully clothed, eating takeout in silence feels awkward or boring, you’re in a “lust-uation.”
In love, the physical is the cherry on top. In lust, the physical is the entire icecream. If your connection is purely skin-deep, the second the “newness” wears off, be sure he will disappear like Houdini.
6. You Feel Anxious Not Peaceful
When love is involved, many women stay telling themselves lies just to keep up with the fantasy in their head. But imagine, how powerful we can be if we pay heed to the nagging in our hearts that hints that a situation is not good for us.
Lust feels like a rollercoaster—high highs, crushing lows, and a constant fear that it’s about to end. Love feels like coming home. If you’re constantly wondering where you stand, checking his following list, and feeling like you’re on an audition, it’s not love.
All in All
Lust is a sprint while Love is a marathon. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the sprint as long as you don’t try to win a marathon trophy at the end of it. If he doesn’t see your soul, don’t give him your heart. Keep your standards high and your delulu levels low. You deserve a love that’s just as good at 2:00 PM as it is at 2:00 AM.
